Help Wanted

I need help. My blog needs help. If it were a person, I'd be putting it on What Not to Wear. My blog is almost 3 years old and it is in need of a desperate make over. It's looked the same for a long time and needs a whole new look. Since I'm about to embark on a big move to the big city, inching my way to my third decade in life, and starting a new job this makes the perfect time.

On my 30 Before 30 post, I wanted to switch over to WordPress. Since I'm unemployed at the moment I've been really looking into this. I know I can do it. I started making webpages when I was 14. I had my own website and made pages for all of my friends. I haven't made a page in over 13 years now so I'm a little rusty. Although WordPress makes things a lot easier, I want the best for my blog. I have this vision in my head of how I want it. I don't want it looking tacky or cheesy or like I used Paintbrush on my PC. I want it to look like what's in my head and if not I'll be disappointed.

What my blog needs:
A new name. conSTELLAtion was a name I used to tell people when a person asked if Stella was my real name or if it was short for something. I told this to my crew in Miami and the name kind of stuck to me. I love space and stars(since that's what my name means). But now that I think of it, conSTELLAtion just doesn't make since. I'm a single small town Florida girl living the fast paced life in New York. And seeing that I'm about to move into the Big Apple, I really will be living that fast paced city life. I thought about Single in the City but after researching, it's already been done. Also, what if this professional single girl(almost 3 years running) becomes a non-singleton? Not saying I'm looking, but hey it could happen! Here's others I've been thinking about:
-Stella in the City
-Southern in the City
-Oranges to Apples(since I'm from Florida the citrus state moving into the Big Apple, get it?)
-Small Town City Girl(can we say oxymoron?)
Do these suck? I need some input! Comment here or on FB or send me a message!

Photo shoot. I need a photo shoot of me around NYC. With Instagram I guess I can turn any photo into a professional looking picture. I think this is just up to me to make the time and find a friend to follow me around with their iPhone or camera in the Big Apple.

Graphics. I need Photoshop and my memory back of how to use Photoshop or just a graphic designer.

More readers and followers. I've really been proud of some of the posts have written. I have friends commenting or sending me private messages of how great or so true my posts are. I've even had people tell me this in the bars around LB. People can't believe some of my writings have came out of this head. Surprise people! I may not be the most confident person in the word, but I am confident in my writing. I take pride in my writing. This is my passion and I love hearing that others like what they are reading. I also love hearing that I've inspired or helped a person, that they can relate to me and know they aren't alone out there, that I've given them clarity on life. I want more people to feel this way. I want more girls(or guys) like me to read what I have to say.

Inspiration. In my last post, I said how crazy my life was last month and that I hadn't been able to just sit back and write. This is very true but I also haven't felt inspired lately. I have a couple of posts in this head of mine that I need to get out onto my computer, but after that, what's next? I know why my inspiration has been low. First of all, I haven't been running the boardwalk which almost always gets my writing juices following, instead I've been heading to the gym. Secondly, my dating life has been basically non-existent. Being this professional single girl, you might be able to tell just by the posts I write when I've been done wrong by a guy or when I'm seeing someone or when I'm just plan frustrated with all guys. For example, my two back to back posts published in March where written after reconnecting with an ex that went all wrong. Hence the Exit Interview For Exes post. Now you know my secret. Since it seems I've taken an involuntary manbatical, I haven't really felt inspired. Which I don't always get my inspiration from just my life. I also get it from my friends' lives or stories I've heard. So if you or someone you know has an awesome story or topic I should write about, please message me!

I want to make this vision of mine a reality. I want to put my blog on the map. I want my website to be googleble and not just some obituary for an 88 year old lady(true story. There's even a gravestone too.) Please help with your opinions or talents! Hopefully www.stellataylor.com will be made into awesomeness soon.

Told ya there was a gravestone! Freaky!!

April Showers Bring May...???

I know, I know, it's been forever since I've updated this thing. And I know I use the whole "I've been busy" excuse way too much. I gotta say though, this month has really exhausted me. Have you ever felt like you were drowning but you weren't anywhere near water? That's what I've felt like this April. Why have I felt this way? Well let me explain.

I know I complain a lot. I actually don't see it as me complaining. I sometimes(more than sometimes I guess) vent in my writing. I write what's on my mind, what's bothering me, what I'm excited about, what I'm scared about, what I enjoy, what I hate, what goes on in this little blonde head of mine. So, don't mind me when I vent in this post.

At the beginning of this crazy month of April, I lost someone very dear to me. My last grandparent. The only grandmother I knew. The sweetest, most compassionate, caring, loving, nurturing person in my life(besides my own mother, which I know exactly where she gets it from). Nellie Elizabeth Barker Clements; Nana to my brother, cousins and I, lived a long(95 years to be exact) wholesome, lively life. I can't say that the death of my grandmother was unexpected. To tell you the truth, I have no idea how she lived this long. Every time I received a phone call from my mom early in the morning, I thought for sure it was about my Nana. Nope, somehow she had beat all odds and out lived all my dogs that my mom had called to tell me about in her sad but yet calm voice.

The day after I got the news about my grandmother, my boss told me that my store was closing. It's not like I really wanted to stay at this store, even with this company rather, but this still stressed me out. I had less than a month to find a new job, with a week of that month being spent in Florida. They had made me an offer at another store, which I really didn't want to take but I did at least have a backup plan. This was it though. This was my way out. This store closing was really a blessing in disguise. I've been looking for something else since the beginning of this year(4 months) and having the thought in my head that I may not have a job by the end of the month really pushed me and made my job hunt a bit more aggressive.

Looking and interviewing for a job is a job all in itself. Plus still actually having a job of closing a store isn't as easy as just closing the doors. All my free time I was on the computer looking on Craig's list, Careerbuilders, Monster, Mayor of the Mall, checking my email every minute, interviewing on every day off I had, 2 interviews at least each day. It took a lot of research, frustration, rejection, rewrite after rewrite of my resume and Xanax until I finally got my offer.

And then I had my follow up visit with my doctor. My last visit; my 6 month checkup and sonogram after my surgery, didn't go so well. The doctor had found yet another big cyst feasting on my right ovary. I said my right ovary was dying. If you've read my "Taylor Made" post, you know what I had been through. I had scheduled my doctor's appointment with an interview right after that. Not a good idea at all since my nerves were already shot from the thought of both but with limited time to find a job, I had to make this schedule. I thought for sure it grew bigger or I'd have to have another surgery or even my ovary removed. I prepared for the worst. After the way this month had been going, I figured what's one more bad thing to happen to me? I'd be grandmotherless, jobless and ovaryless. Yep, I let my pessimistic side out. So when the doctor told me the cyst was completely gone, I was in shock. "Really? Are you sure?" I asked her. She showed me the monitor screen. I've become quite an expert by now at looking at sonograms of my ovaries. When I got to my car, I did the same thing I did at my last doctor visit. I cried. This time though, I was crying for joy. Relief. My optimistic side came back to me. Maybe my right ovary won't be dying just yet. Maybe there's a real chance I can have children. Maybe I can stop living in fear of this thing that was growing inside my body. And maybe this month was not so bad.

So this basically sums up my roller coaster of a month. At the beginning, I was stressed, depressed, frustrated, exhausted, and just plan sad. All of this negativity really effected me and I became a pessimist about everything in my life. But by the end of the month, I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No more negative Nancy. Only Positive Polly. Although some bad things did happen in April, I only see the good now. My grandmother is now at peace in heaven with my Papa. My saint parents can now relax and spend some quality time together and get out of the house. I saw my beautiful family including my 1 year old cousin I hadn't met yet. I finally got to meet my best friend's twin baby boys in which I fell in love. I became more confident while interviewing and learned what to and what not to say. I got a new job in which I will be making good money and get to actually dress more fashionable and more my age. And I get a good sum of money just for closing my store. Life for this single girl may not be so bad now. I can't wait to see what May has in store for me. New job. New wardrobe. New attitude. Soon to be new place of residency? Hhmm, now that was in my 30 Before 30 list. Bye, bye Barn? ;)

Exit Interviews for Exes

When a person quits a job, most companies hold exit interviews. The company wants to dig in and really find the real reason a person quits. They may want feedback for what they should or shouldn't do in the future. They want to know how they can better their company to create less turnover and keep their people happy and motivated. And usually when a person quits a job, there's something that drives them to do it. It's usually not just a one reason statement, it's usually more in depth and complicated than that.

I think exit interviews are a great practice for businesses out there. In fact, I don't think exit interviews should be limited to just jobs. What if you could hold exit interviews for other things in life? What if you could have exit interviews every time someone quits on you? Every time someone breaks up or ends a relationship with you, you could hold an interview with your ex and your ex could interview you on what really happened? At every end you could get the real, cold hard facts.

Quitting a job is kind of like a break up. At the beginning, a new job and a new relationship is exciting. You're learning about the position or the new person, getting used to the routine or the person. Then you start finding flaws and things get on your nerves. You start figuring out that position or that person just isn't right for you. Sometimes you stick with it, because you feel comfortable and don't want to have to go out in that scary real world to find another job or new beau so you continue until you just can't take it anymore. You start looking for a new job or beau until you find something or someone else or until you snap and just can't live the life you're living.

Like quitting a job, sometimes break ups can be quite sugar coated and open ended. They can end with a "it's not you, it's me" or "I've got too much on my plate" or the "we're just at two different places in our lives". What do these break up lines really even mean? Are these really good reasons to end a relationship or are they just so common that people that don't like conflict just instantly say it for an easy exit? Other times break ups can be rather hostile, emotional, and so confusing that you almost forget the whole reason for the break up. Wouldn't it be nice to get feedback from your ex on exactly what went wrong? To gain the closure you might need to move on, because you know every single girl needs that closure or they continue to dwell and over analyze every little thing. And wouldn't it be awesome to see what you may need to work on in the next relationship to make it work? To just get the God honest truth? No more analyzing what just happened or beating yourself up about things. You could have the truth in front of you in black and white.

And on the other side you could lay it all out in your exit interview. God knows you have some words to say and your girlfriends' ears are bleeding from listening to you rant. You could just say what you need to say(cue John Mayer). Let it all out. Don't let one word stay in that over analyzing head of yours.

The exit interview could help you shape your future relationships.  If there was something your ex hated that you did and maybe you had no clue it was an annoyance, you could work on it for the next guy that comes your way. And if you decide that one day in the future you want to reconnect and rekindle that relationship you once had with the ex, then you could pull up that file. After some time those feelings of sadness and animosity and hostility go away. You forget the whole reason of the break up and your heart has mended and you forgive. Reading over the exit interview could really bring back those feelings and stop you from having your past repeat itself. Not saying it always does repeat itself because people do grow up and change and timing does become right, but more than likely the past will happen again, and you're left with the same exact feelings as before. Most exes are exes for a reason, right?

Which in a perfect, grown up world, we shouldn't feel like we need exit interviews at the end of a relationship. We shouldn't feel so confused, disheartened, and to point of wanting to give up on figuring out the opposite sex. We should feel like we have all the answers we need at the end, learn and grow from it.  If we were all mature, grown ass adults, we should just be honest with each other in the first place. I was lucky to have someone be brutally honest with me once in my life and although at the time I was hurt and heart broken, when I look back now after not getting any answers just recently, I wish I could get the truth each and every time. Because without that honesty, I'd probably still be wondering what the hell really happened, dwelling on the past, receiving no closure and hoping on an unrealistic thought of a future that would never be. Too bad not everyone can be so honest and that most of the human population are cowards. Some people run away from conflict and leave others with uncertainty, unanswered questions, wrong answers and broken spirits. Not saying I haven't been a coward before, it happens, but after a while you learn to grow up and respect others and have compassion for their feelings. Too bad we can't all be grown up, mature adults who can stand up to conflict and deal with reality.

Over Analyzing the Already Over Analyzed Analysis

Guys, I'm going to tell you a little secret about us girls you may or may not know about us. Girls are actually smarter than they look. Most girls out there think like scientist; we are constantly analyzing every single little thing. Remember those science projects we had back in 5th grade that we pasted on cardboard? With a "I hypothesize..." and "The purpose of this project is..."? Somewhere in that science project there was a section for the analysis. I used to be horrible at that part of the science project. I never was a science person, obviously I was an English and writing person. I got my lowest grade in middle school in science in 8th grade, a D, which I cried my eyes out about. But now as an adult woman I find that my analyzing skills are sharp. Maybe way too sharp. Like I think I could totally make a career out of my over analyzing. Are there careers in analyzing? Because I could totally excel in this. My mind is always analyzing and over analyzing to the point that I'm over analyzing the analysis that I've already analyzed.

Everyday is a new science project. I find myself saying, "I wonder if..." or if I was a scientist I guess I would be saying, "I hypothesize that..." And after researching and analyzing and over analyzing I come to my conclusion. "In conclusion..."

But do us girls just think way too much? Do we think into things that are just a simple fact? A statement that is just a simple statement to a guy could be to us a complex algebra equation that could take us all night to figure out. It's sometimes worse than high school homework because we don't have the math book to look up the answers in the back so we must figure it out on our own. A simple ":)" to a girl could be as mysterious as the Egyptian pyramids.

Guys are simple human beings. They say something or do something and don't even think twice about what they say or do. Girls, on the other hand, are complex, confusing, critical creatures. Instead of taking the simple, straight shot path, we like to zig zag, climb mountains, swim through rivers and fight tigers to get to the conclusion of things. So that simple "ok" or "lol" that really meant nothing to you that you just text us? Yeah we thought about it for about an hour and still don't know what it could possibly mean. And that no response to a statement or even a question? That's just over analysis overload. That can totally shut down a girl's hard drive.

To guys, they are just simple creatures, but to girls they are way too hard to figure out. And I'm sure us girls aren't as easy to figure out, but I'm writing in a girl's prospective so I can't speak for the clueless guys out there. Sometimes analyzing can keep us up all night. What did that mean? Is that a good or bad thing? How do I even respond back to that? Does that mean he's in or not into me? This is the thought process of a girl. And it doesn't stop there. This is what can drive a girl to insanity.

Sometimes I wish guys would just state their purpose. State your purpose. It's sounds so simple. "I just want to get some booty." "I want a relationship with you but have too much on my plate right now." "I really do like you." "I want to be with you." "I'm confused and don't know what I want." Whatever it is guys, just state your purpose. If you just have no idea what you want, tell us. If you want us, tell us. If you have no intentions of being with us, tell us. If you just want sex, tell us. If you only see us as a friend, tell us. If you want to see where things go, tell us. State your purpose. It would make things a whole lot simpler to us girls.

But I guess then where would be the fun in that? Where's the challenge? Where's the mystery and the butterflies? Is it better to know the purpose or to figure it out on our own? Is it harder or easier on us to know exactly what a guy wants? I'd like to say yes it would be easier, but most girls out there like the challenge. The flirtation. The figuring out a guy on their own. If it were so simple for a guy to state the purpose to us, we probably would just get bored with this. As I said before, we are complex creatures. We don't do or think or like simple things and stating a purpose is simple and precise and to the point. Although sometimes I wish I just knew the simple facts about a guy, I also think of the confusing side. And where's the fun in knowing all the answers? Sometimes it's more fun and rewarding to figure out that complex, confusing equation on our own.

Taylor Made

As little girls, we may not know it at the time, but we all practice to be a mother. We hold our baby dolls close while feeding it with a plastic bottle, dress it up each day, and roll it around in our play strollers, taking care of the doll as if it were a real child. Our dolls would go anywhere and everywhere with us, just like a real mother and child.  When becoming teenagers, we sometimes become baby-sitters for neighbors or family friends. Changing diapers, playing "peek-a-boo" or "got your nose", watching Dora the Explorer and learning things about children you never knew all while getting paid. Throughout life, you plan your future; how many children you want, boys or girls, and of course you already have names picked out for your future offspring. Your whole life, you dream of your future. You see what's around you, a mother, a father, brothers or sisters, you see families around you. As a member of society, you are taught to reproduce. You are born, grow up, marry(or maybe not in this century), bare children, raise your children until they grow up and they have their own. It's the basic, normal circle of life(cue Elton John). And as you grow up, it becomes your plan and dream in your life.

But what if one day someone told you that you may not achieve your dream? That it would be a struggle to bare your own flesh and blood? That you have a disease that could cause infertility and to the extreme have those parts that make you a woman removed?
While my best friend has her 7 month sonogram on her twin babies, I have a sonogram on my ovaries. Like most little girls, I have always dreamed of having children. Actually I haven't really dreamed, I just thought it would be natural as in most normal girls to become a mother. And as my best friend and I have grown up together since she was fresh out of the womb, I just figured I'd have children right there with her.

Like I've said in previous posts, I chose a different path. I've been one of those independent women(cue  Beyonce). And in this day in age, that's become the norm. Women are becoming mothers later and later in life. And I'm still basically young(although in the south I may be considered an old maid). I'm not from Russia so I haven't been rushin'.

I am far from being ready to be a mother. It's something that I haven't even really thought about. I cringed when the baby popped out into the toilet while watching I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant on TLC. I can't even hold a baby for that long without my arm feeling like it's going to fall or even correctly change a diaper. Formula? Why not just give it some Capri Sun? At my best friend's baby shower I would just smile and nod at half the stuff she received because I had no idea what it was. A wipes warmer and a diaper genie? Say huh?

Most of the time, I think I don't even want kids. With the children that come into my store, they are hell on wheels. They scream, run around, touch everything in sight and just basically annoy the shit out of me. But then again most of the time it's the lack of parenting. When I was a child, my parents weren't afraid to show the belt or threaten me with a kid's leash.

The pros always out way the cons of having children and therefore I do one day(not anytime soon) want children. But now I'm faced with a fairly common disease found in women. If you've read my previous posts, then you know that I was diagnosed with endometriosis last summer. After having a severe, stabbing pain in my side, surgery to remove 2 huge cysts from both ovaries, scraping scar tissue from my internal organs and putting my ovaries that had swapped places back in place resulted of this immense pain.

After the surgery, I knew I would be living with this condition for the rest of my life, until I have a hysterectomy later on in life. I knew I would be taking medicine daily to reduce the effects of the endometriosis. I knew the chances of the cysts coming back. But I had hope that I would be fine. That when I was ready, I would be able to pop a few kids out. Now I'm not so sure.

Last Monday I had my 6 month sonogram and there it was, another cyst feeding on my right ovary. This means the endometriosis is continuing to effect my organs and could mean I don't have much time. If this cyst bursts, I can most likely say goodbye to my right ovary. I have another one right? Still doesn't mean I won't get another one on the left, or have the endo cover it with scar tissue.

This is what happens when you're a female Taylor. My grandmother had a hysterectomy at my age, 29. My aunt had the same thing, and my cousin at age 35. Same problems. Cysts and scar tissue get removed. Then it comes back and that's it. Your womanhood is removed. The difference between my Taylor ladies and me is that I have yet to produce kids.

So here I sit, waying my options. Researching freezing my eggs. Having a wonderful cousin and another friend say they would be my surrogate when I'm ready. But what if I'm too late? Here I am, feeling like an actual ticking time bomb with a cyst that could blow at one wrong movement. Feeling like I have so much depending on this little almond sized thing that has invaded my ovary.

I can only hope in 2 months when I go back for another sonogram that the cyst has disappeared. That I won't need anymore surgery for a while and the endometriosis calms down. I see how happy my friends are with their children, the joy they bring and the unconditional love they have for their kids and I want that one day. One day, I want mini-me's running around, watching them grow up, and know that unconditional love for someone. I want that normal, basic girl's dream.

My Resume. What I Really Want to Say.

After reviewing my 30 before 30, I am beginning to think I'm a complete failure. Since the new year started I have already eaten 2 cans of Spaghettios, Stayed in bed past noon 3 days, my kitchen sink is full, and have yet to even look at WordPress for my new blog. The only things I have really done are booked an upcoming trip to Florida, gone to the gym a few times, and looked over my resume to start sending out to find a new job. Guess I gotta try a little harder at this!

While looking over my resume and getting some help from a friend of mine, it's really got me thinking about this whole resume thing. I mean, does a resume really tell a person who you really are and what you can and can't do? Sure, you can put down that you're good at this or that, have experience in whatever and went to an awesome school and have a degree in rocket engineering, but what does a resume really say about what kind of person you really are?

It's usually not hard for me to write. In my writing classes in school my professor would give me a topic, I would maybe do a little research, start writing, turn the paper in without even reading it over and get an A. But when it comes down to writing a resume, I find myself sitting with my computer in my lap and staring at a blank screen. It should be easy, right? All I'm writing is about myself(which I do way too much) and my work experience and skills. But now that I've been thinking and over thinking about what I should write in my resume, it's got me thinking into what I really want to write.

This is when I started writing what is below: a resume of my real life. A resume I would NEVER send to future employers, but a resume that wouldn't be so boring like a professional one. A resume of what I really want to say.

Stella "Baller" Elizabeth Taylor

Stellataylor@juno.com

863-528-2592

Long Beach, NY

Purpose

To find a real, grown up, 9 to 5, Monday through Friday job. A job where I don't have to deal with cranky, stupid or tacky people. One with awesome health benefits due to my recent health issues, at least 3 weeks paid vacation, sick and personal days, with great pay. A fun job in the city with amazing people that I don't dread going to everyday.

Education

University of South Florida      

Tampa, FL

December 2005

BA in Mass Communications, Telecommunications

A degree I have yet and probably will never use in the telecomm field. It's still a degree so who really cares what it's in? I'm not trying to be a doctor or a lawyer. It's not like I actually remember anything I learned in college anyway.

Professional and Community Affiliation

Delta Delta Delta

BA Chapter

Tri Delta, no, not everyone else has!

Employment

Official Fact Checker of Ian Murphy

Long Beach, NY

Summer 2011 until whenever I fail to find a fact.

• Research anything Ian Murphy might think is a fact to reveal if they really are fact or fiction.
• On call 24/7 to make sure Mr. Murphy has his facts correct.
• Answer any debate Mr. Murphy might be having with other LB residents to ensure the truth.
• Proficient with Google and other search engines.
• Provide photos and proof of all found facts. i.e. fish have tongues.

The Moose

Nazi, Germany

From the day I sold my soul to the day I was born again.

• Did whatever Hitler said to do.
• Learned to work on no sleep.
• Became a complete perfectionist and developed anal tendencies.
• Walked around school campuses and other places looking for great looking, aspirational people. Oh yeah, can't forget diverse too.
• Consumed enough caffeine to fill the Atlantic Ocean.
• Sleeve scrunched until my joints obtained carpal tunnel syndrome and side stacked like no other.
• Learned all about dog and pony shows.

Other Skills That I Possess That May or May Not Be Relevant to a Job I'm Interested In But are Still Interesting Skills None the Less

• As previously mentioned in my employment background under my fact checking experience, I have insane researching skills. Not only can I find whether or not something is fact or fiction, I can find people as well. Just give me a first name and 3 facts about a person(place of business, school attended, where they live etc.) and I can find them on Google and Facebook. I do this especially for my friends that forget what a guy looks like that they gave their number to on a drunken night(no this does not make me a stalker!). 
• Has an amazing ass.
• I can drive with my foot. Not just with my right foot but can also steer with my left. I get extremely bored on my long commute to work.
• I've never lost a limbo contest. I may have retired for a while due to having my abdomen ripped open last summer, but I'll be back in action this summer!
• I can be completely inebriated and still text with absolutely no typos and maintain perfect grammar.
• I have some sweet dance moves. I invented such moves as "the Cat", "Robot Fist Pump", "Waterfall", "Back Slap", and "the Grab"(with the help of Sammy).
• I'm left-handed which means I'm in my right mind. Also somewhat creative and maybe slightly sinister.
• I can turn any song into a country song. Try me.
• Did I mention I have an amazing ass?
• I'm an amazing multi-tasker. Example: I'm writing this while watching Jersey Shore, playing Words With Friends and drinking a Red Bull.
• Also proficient in Word, Power Point, Excel, and all that other stuff. Oh, and I can type really fast.

30 Before 30

New Years. To some people it's a night to get together with friends, watch the ball drop, drunkenly sing Auld Lang Syne(you know you don't know the words, just hum it!), kiss a loved one or in some cases a random stranger at the bar, cheers a glass(or a few) of champagne at midnight and then cure a hang over with black eyed peas and cabbage while watching football. This is probably what my new years will look like(just way more baller of course) in the beautiful and amazing Big Apple. To me though, New Years means a whole lot more than just a fun night out in the city with my girls. This New Years especially.

2011 was the most challenging year of my entire life. I've lived and learned and became a stronger person because of it, but really 2011, you kicked my ass. I can't wait for 2011 to end. 2012 is a fresh new start. A new motivation to my life. A new hope for good things to come. I really need some positivity and good karma to come in 2012. Also, 2012 is an end of an era. An end to my 20's and a start to my 30's(that is, if the world doesn't end!)

Every year, I try to make a New Year's resolution. Last year I blogged my resolution. Here it is:
For 2011, I have made a few resolutions for my year. I have decided like most people, I am going to be more healthy and go running more. I am going to get off my ass on my days off and actually do stuff. I'm going to try my damn hardest to get promoted at work (new motto: shit or get off the pot). And most importantly, I am going to write more.


I can say that I kept most of my resolutions. I definitely ran more(and obtained a black eye from the boardwalk to prove it). I got off the pot, but seemed to just moved to another pot that I need to get off. I still like laying on my ass on my days off(i.e. right now I'm laying on my couch still in my pajamas, watching Days of Our Lives, but being somewhat productive by updating my blog.) And I have definitely wrote more(although I hadn't this month. December is way too stressful and busy in the retail world!)

This New Year's resolution I have decided to incorporate an idea I have been working on since before my 29th birthday. I wanted to publish this blog post on my birthday, but procrastination and my busy life got the best of me. So I decided to turn my New Year's resolution into my birthday blog post. This is my 30 before 30, 30 things I want to do or make better in my life before leaving my 20's and taking the dive into my 30's. 30 things might seem a bit lengthy so hopefully I won't bore you. Some of the things are major while others are so minor they barely made the list. Here goes!

1. Stop eating like a kid. Some of my favorite foods include but aren't limited to: hot dogs, mac and cheese, grilled cheese with tomato soup, Pizza Bites, and Spaghettios with franks. Just listing all of these make me hungry and want to vomit at the same time.

2. Take better care of my face. How do I still get pimples at the age of 29?

3. Keep a clean(or at least cleaner) house. At one point I had a friend tell me my house looked like it was on the TV show Hoarders. I mean, it's not THAT bad, but I still need to keep the barn clean more often.

4. Keep growing out my hair. One of these days, I want to not have to put the hair extensions in to make it longer.

5. Get the hell out of retail. From my last blog post, you can probably tell that I'm so over retail by now.

6. Find a new job. I need a normal, 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, holidays off, fulfilling grown up kind of job in NYC. Do those really exist and if so, where can I find one?

7. Gym it up. I have finally gotten a gym membership, but lately have been too busy to use it. I need a solid gym routine to keep me from flying away when waving and having unwanted jiggleys on this almost 30 year old body of mine.

8. Take better care of my electronics. Last year on New Years, I lost my phone. On my birthday, I lost my camera. Within the year I've also had a broken TV, missing "0" key on my lap top, broken DVD player, broken camera and a scratched Nook screen. I have an iPhone now so I think if I lost that I would be completely lost(literally. My friends wouldn't be able to find me on my stalking app Find My Friends.)

9. Drink more water.

10. Stop eating out so much and cook for myself.

11. Go back to school. I just sent in my application to the Fashion Institute of Technology. Fingers crossed that I get accepted!
 
12. Stop being lazy. This was one of my New Year's resolutions last year that I pretty much failed. If I fail this year, I will buy myself one of those Forever Lazy adult pajama outfits, take a picture of myself wearing it, and make it my profile picture on facebook.
 
13. Be more fashionable. After I quit AnF, I got rid of a lot of my plaids and navy attire. Now I find myself shopping more at Urban Outfitters and other places I normally didn't shop. I want to be a fashion genius and the fashion go to girl in 2012.
 
14. Finish my NYC bucket list. I have a list of touristy things I still want to do in NYC. It's not written down but it's all stored away in this head of mine. I want to complete this bucket list.
 
15. Find me a man? I have an old proverb I try to live by. It states, "Thee wilt findith what thou is looking for when thee hath stopith looking." Have you ever lost your keys and looked everywhere for them? Finally, you get frustrated and give up. Then, there they are, clear as day, right beside you. In 2012, I will be as cool as a cucumber, calm as the eye of a storm, and smooth as a baby's bottom. I mean really, where's the fire? I'll be in a relationship, get married and have kids on my own time.
 
16. Run a 5K.
 
17. Work on my website and build a better blog.
 
18. Get some of my writings published. Magazines, newspapers, popular online blogs, on the wall in a bathroom stall, I don't care I just want my shit published!
 
19. Save more money. Between medical bills, getting my new car and drivers license switched over to NY, quitting my job and taking a few trips around the U.S., I spent way too much money in 2011 than I ever have. Time to save up some money for that future of mine.
 
20. Be part of a flash mob.
 
21. No more ER visits or hospital stays.
 
22. Move to Manhattan. This one will probably be the last goal I hopefully will accomplish before I turn 30. One more amazing summer in LB, then *fingers crossed* it's off to live in the Big Apple.
 
23. Stop falling for douche bags. Most of the time, I already know they are douche bags and I still continue dating them. I think this manbatical I've been on has really helped me grow out of this stage, I hope.
 
24. Read more. When I traveled, I was always reading. Now that I have more of a somewhat stable life, I have stopped reading. I have so many books downloaded on my Nook I have yet to read.
 
25. Drive cross country with Sammy while fist pumping. Okay, so this isn't really a serious goal. I started running out of things to do and asked my friend Sammy for her thoughts.This is what she came up with. I do want to take more spontaneous trips though.
 
26. Rescue a four legged friend. When I think of rescuing a dog in NYC, I think of pushing a dog out of the way of a taxi before it gets hit. Yes I have a wild imagination. Once I have the 9 to 5 job, apartment in the city, and life situated, maybe then I can find the time to get a dog.
 
27. Hang out with a celebrity. I'm thinking Chris Humphries.
 
28. Take more trips to Florida. My family is the world to me and I would like to see them more than I do. Also, my best friend is having twins in March and I don't want to be a stranger to them. After all, I will be an unofficial aunt!
 
29. Take another big trip out of the U.S. Whether it's off to Ireland or just a road trip to Canada, I want to leave the U.S. again and go somewhere I haven't gone before.
 
30. Get inked. If you're reading this mom and dad, I'm only kidding. I just wrote this because I ran out of things to write. If you're not reading this, I want a cool star because that's what my name means.
 
I hope on October 21st, 2012, I can say I have completed every single one of these 30 goals. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be or I could have tried harder. Life can throw you many curve balls, you just gotta be ready for them! So come on 2012, bring it on! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me. Please go easy on me though. I'm still a little fragile from the beating of 2011. 2012, I hope you will be my year!

Retail Hell

'Tis the season to be jolly. Or rather for me 'tis the season to be cranky. Yes folks it's that time again. It's time for the lines. The crowds. The fight for the best deals. The annoying holiday commercials. Spreading that holiday consumer cheer.

Back in the day, Christmas was my favorite holiday. I loved putting up decorations with my mom and hanging every ornament on our fake tree. I loved jamming out to Christmas songs by Mariah Carey and N'Sync on my CD player. I loved cutting the tape on my presents when my parents weren't home to see what I was getting before Christmas morning and then re-taping them back. I loved going to the local holiday arts and crafts fair with my mom. I loved the decorations my town put up on all the lamp posts on the streets and the nativity scene the church put out every year. I loved everything about Christmas.

After 8 years of working retail, I have lost my passion for the season. After Halloween, I come down with a bad case of the bah humbugs. Do we really need to put up Christmas trees in the malls before our hangovers from dressing like slutty pirates/nurses/cops/teletubbies are cured?

So what has brought me to this point of total grinch-ification? Besides lack of sleep because of nightmares about my store, Christmas carols that won't get out of my head, and working way too many hours to count, here's just a few more reasons why I am stuck in a retail hell.

Lost. A few weeks ago, a 5 year old girl came up to me in my store with her 3 year old sister. The little girl was almost in tears. She told me she couldn't find her mother. She described what her mother looked like and what she was wearing. I was almost to the point of calling mall security when the little girl spotted her mom in the back of the store. The mom was just shopping away. Picking up stuff, looking for sizes, putting shirts up to herself oblivious to the fact that her little daughters were no longer with her, all the while her 4 year old son ran around the store throwing blotter cards, spraying cologne everywhere, and moving all sale signs from the tables. Really lady? REALLY? Why even have kids if you can't even keep up with them or seem to care when your small children run off? Do you even care that there's child molesters out that would love to take your children? Some people should be punched in the ovaries and never allowed to have children.
And another thing America. If you're going to take your kids shopping, control them! I am not paid extra to babysit nor should I be the one to tell your child not to do something unless you want to pay me. When my mom took me shopping and I was acting up or running away from her, she would threaten me. She would threaten to put one of those child leashes on me. And back then they weren't cute with the little monkey or dog on them, it was an ugly leash. You better believe I stopped and never left my mom's sight after that.

My store is not a trash can. Some people are just so gross. I hate when people leave their Starbucks cups, Pretzel Time napkins, and booger filled tissues behind in my place of work. Do you go around leaving trash all over your house? And do I come to your home or place of work and leave my trash laying around? Didn't think so. It's not so hard to ask if there's a trash can around or to hold it and wait to get back out to the mall where there's a thousand garbage cans positioned everywhere.

My fitting rooms are not bathrooms either. Shit happens. But why the hell would it happen in fitting rooms? I know that fitting rooms are private little spaces with doors that look a little like public restrooms just without the sink and toilet but why the hell would you pee, shit, or leave feminine products behind? I mean, how old are you? Do you have that much of a problem with your parts down there that it can't wait to find a bathroom in the mall? Yes, I understand that sometimes children have this problem, but this has actually happened in my stores and it wasn't children that decided to relieve themselves but none other than grown ass adults. And if you did have a problem with your down there parts or had a child that likes to pee on things, wouldn't you clean up after yourself or your child? Are you that gross and inconsiderate of a person to leave this mess for someone else to have to clean up?

Don't shoot the messenger. Sometimes, retail stores run out of items, especially if it's a popular size or item and if it's the holidays. Don't get mad at me if we don't have it. What do you expect me to do, go to the back where I keep a sweat shop and knit the item up for you? Would you like me to pull it out of my ass? Order it online, bitch!
Also, when I say something is company policy and I can't accommodate or do something for you because it's company policy, don't give me those "I'm about to strangle you" eyes. Some things I wish I could do(like lower the music or turn on more lights in my old store) but if someone from corporate comes in, that's my job on the line, not yours.

Vultures. I understand, America is going through bad times. The economy sucks blah blah blah. Yes, people are out looking for the best bang for their bucks, but don't be a little cheap bitch. I hate when people try to scam to get a better deal, for example when they obviously know the one item they found misplaced in the clearance rack was most definitely on the very front table and they want the clearance price for a brand new item. I also hate when people go directly to the clearance section and pick through every piece of merchandise. Of course I like finding good deals too, but do you really have to mess up the entire clearance section by picking through everything like the merchandise was a dead carcass? On the weekends it looks like a dozen vultures hovering over the clearance tables, with their eyes bulging and talons waiting to rip their prey apart.

Extreme Couponing. I have developed a new annoyance just recently. I hate when I ring up a person, all 127 items, they've swiped their credit card, gotten their signature, receipt in the bag and then, oh wait, they forgot, they have a coupon! REALLY? Wouldn't you think about that while in line at the register? Now I have to either return every single item while the person behind you waits and I re-ring it, or I void the transaction and then re-ring it which I'm still having to scan every single item. Oh, but wait, after I return everything and then re-ring everything again, you see how cheap it is and want to grab more items to your purchase, all the while the person behind you is still waiting and getting annoyed with me because I have no one else to put on another register. America, get your coupons ready, printed out from your computer, or already pulled up on your IPhone before approaching the register. And no, I have no coupons to give you or I would have given them to you, you cheap vulture!

Let me help you find your size. I do want to help you so you'll buy stuff so I can make business for the day, but I also don't want you to mess up my stack that I just fixed by shuffling through trying to find that medium. I'm not just asking you if you need my help, I'm asking you so you won't make a mess of my store. So, yes, your answer is yes you do need help finding a size. And look, there's size stickers, right there, to help even more so you don't have to look at every single tag.

Shopping for others. Many mothers shop for their children and especially during the holidays relatives and friends shop for their loved ones. I understand, shopping for others when they aren't with you can be a bit tricky. I will help customers as much as possible find a gift for their loved ones, but what makes it rather difficult for me is when the customer has no idea what size to buy. I have gotten this many times, "what size would my nephew be?" Okay ma'am, I'm sorry I do not think I know your nephew so if you could be a bit more specific that would be amazing. Or, what I just encountered the other day, customer-"she's about your size." me-"okay so she's like a 0 or 1/2." customer-"no I'm pretty sure she's a 9/10." I'm trying to help you so don't insult me because I've never been, nor will I hopefully ever be, a size 9/10. Or the infamous, "he's 14, what size would that be?" Alright ma'am, seeing how more and more children in America are becoming morbidly obese, he could be an XXL for all I know. If he was average, then I would say a small, but who knows with kids these days and the things they stick in their mouths.

Little Miss Matchy Match. I used to love to match my shirt to my belt to my watch to my shoes etc. etc. etc. But I never matched my sweatpants to my hoodie. It's fine to match a color that's on a hoodie to sweatpants like if the letters on a navy hoodie were grey then get the grey sweatpants, but when a customer wants a pink hoodie and a pink pair of sweatpants, and it has to be the exact same color, I want to vomit. This just reminds me of the late 80's to early 90's when my cousins, brother and I had matching windbreakers. Cool back then, not so cool now. If you're wearing all the same color from your hood to your ankles, you look like a giant crayon. Plus, I bet this matching monstrosity is not just going to be worn at home to lounge around in, it's going to be worn out to dinner, the movies, class, or to shop for more matching fleece ensembles.

To all those holiday shoppers out there, if you possess any of the above characteristics, stay away from my store please unless you want to see me mentally break down. And to all my fellow retail friends, I hope you can relate to this post and send me a message if you have anything else to add on!

I'm usually a really cool, calm and collective person, but I've noticed as I get order, my patience grows thinner and thinner. Hopefully one day sooner than later I will leave this retail hell I have found myself in before I snap. After 8 years of doing the same thing, it's kind of hard to move on and do something else that's out of my comfort zone. After my rant, it might seem like working retail is like me being tourtured, but at times it's not so bad. I do hope and plan to get out of this retail hell soon though, maybe work on the corporate side. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be discovered for the writer I am and hopefully dreamed to be. If you're a publisher, or know a publisher, or know of a really awesome job in the NYC area, help a young single girl out! Get me out of this retail hell!

In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Merry Hanukkah or whatever. Safe shopping and be nice to those retail associates out there! Remember we are humans too!

My 28th Year of Life in Review

I've been meaning to write this blog post for quite sometime, but the real world has been bringing me down and I haven't had time for anything really except for a few baller nights in the city, work, and maybe a few hours for sleep. I wanted to write this post before my 29th birthday, but I am a slight procrastinator and haven't had much inspiration lately. This blog post is all about my 28th year of life. 28 doesn't seem like such an exciting year. 28 is not really milestone in life nor does anything really important happen at 28. But to me, 28 was pretty life changing. 28 was my year of life lessons. My year of quarter +3 year crisis. My year of excitement, adventure, spontaneity, trials, travels, heartache, appreciation, incite, friendship, hardship, inspiration, reflection, independence, fear, strength, change.

My 28th year of life began in the beautiful city of Copenhagen, Denmark. Everyone that knows me knows that I love to travel. I live to travel. Being a writer you'd think I'd write all about my traveling experiences and I really don't know why I haven't gotten around to doing so. In my 28th year of life, traveling was a huge part of it. I loved Copenhagen and thinking back now, I literally miss it. I was basically living there for a month while opening the first AnF store in Denmark. On October 21st, 2010(my birthday), I spent working my ass off with my team getting ready for the Abercrombie Hitler to invade the country of the beautiful and tasty Danish(beautiful being the people, tasty being the pastry). After Copenhagen, it was back to NY, then off to Milan for 2 weeks. Milan wasn't as exciting to me as Denmark or Hawaii because I had been there already, but it still was pretty amazing. I found myself trying to speak Spanish to the Italians as they looked at me like I had two heads. In Denmark, everyone spoke English. In the outskirts of Milan, not so much. This made my job very challenging and sometimes frustrating. But I love the Italians(which I already knew seeing how mostly all the guys I date have some percentage of Italian in them) and want to go back soooooo bad(next time it's going to be Florence, Rome, and Venice).

After my 2 weeks in Italy, it was off to the other side of the world. 27 long hours of flying, watching about 10 movies, waiting in airports, watching my feet swell from sitting too long, reading, and texting everyone once I got back to the states, I had finally arrived to a place of paradise. Aloha! I had made my journey to Hawaii. The day I left Milan, it had been snowing. They had to deice my plane. Now it was time to take off my winter coat and change into my swim suit. But first I needed to sleep and try to figure out what time it was in this new time zone. I was all sorts of screwed up.

In my 28th year of life, I got to see so much I had never seen before. Copenhagen, Milan, and Honolulu were amazingly beautiful all in different ways, experiencing each place with different people and I have the best memories of it all. Although it was all for work and the work load was sometimes overwhelming and the stress would at times bring me to tears, I was blessed to be able to experience these places and meet these awesome people.

After my travels ended, it was off to Florida for Christmas. I loved that I didn't have to work on Christmas this year and got to spend an entire week with my family. After flying back to NY, it was back to working at Shit Haven Mall. One of the busiest days of the year for shopping just so happened to be the biggest blizzard of the year. Being from Florida and not knowing snow that well at all, I thought for sure my muscle car Mustang could speed straight through the mounds of snow and ice on my 60 mile drive back to Long Beach. I didn't even make it through my first stop light. This continued the rest of January since the snow continued on a weekly basis. I was beginning to think my Sunny wouldn't make it through the winter. After a short road trip to North Carolina and back, I had a new SUV friend named Mitzy. I'll hopefully never get stuck in the snow again!

February, March, April and May of my 28th year was full of traveling yet again, but this time not to the extent of the Fall. In February it was back to Boston to help a store out for the tour of the AnF Nazi. AnF loved sending me to Boston for some reason. I'm not complaining since I love Boston. After that, it was time for a vacation. It was Vegas time baby! My yearly trip, and still as baller as ever. For Easter weekend, my friend Laura and I took a little get away trip to LA. If I had to move away from NY, I would definitely move to Cali.

The snow had finally cleared the streets of LB. Trust me, it took a while for all that snow to finally melt. Flowers were blooming, neighbors were out walking their dogs, restaurants set up chairs and tables outside. It was finally summer. SUMMER! The season all LBers suffer through the rough winters for was finally here. The summer of my 28th year of life was absolutely unforgettable. It was the best of times, yet it was the worst of times...

My summer was spent down on Indiana beach making new friends and playing with old ones. Downing Twisted Teas or to go Cabana margs. Having random dance parties when we were rained out at the beach. Sunday brunch with iced coffee and a centerpiece of pancakes followed by more beach followed by family dinner and then Sunday Funday with Ricky Roach. The Inn every Friday and Saturday night with my girls wondering, "who the hell are all these out of towners?" From BBQs to block parties, summer romances to heartaches, shakeweights to beach umbrella throwing, surf competitions to hurricanes and boardwalk work outs to emergency rooms. My summer had it all. From Memorial Day to Irish Day, each day was an adventure.

By the end of the summer, I was in a state of depression. I absolutely love the summers here. The end of the summer was an end of other things as well. It was the end of my 8 year relationship with the moose. It was time for me to throw in the towel. It was the end of a summer romance that I believed so much in. After picking myself back up from beating myself down, it was time for some more endings. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I almost lost an ovary over the summer, so what? It's not like I almost lost my liver or some part I really needed. I have two, right? It was an end of me putting my whole self into another person. It was time to put my whole self into the person that should be most important to me, ME. It was time for me to start looking towards my future. It was time for change. After a night at the Inn with the ghost of boyfriends past,(basically every guy I had serial dated with was present) and a slight drunken mental breakdown, it was time for me to take a manbatical. I was done with men. For a while anyway. It was time to start a new job where I felt appreciated and make more money for the hard work I put in. It was time for a new and improved Stella Elizabeth Taylor. And it was time for a trip to Atlantic City.

I gotta say, the quote "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", yeah I believe in that. I feel at the end of my 28th year of life, I'm the strongest I've ever been in these 28 years. I feel after my experiences through my 28th year, I'm way more smarter about things. I look back at some situations in my life and think, WTF was I thinking? Really Stella? REALLY? I'm way more cultured. Way more spontaneous. Way more baller. Totally baller. Way more funnier. Way more mature. Okay, maybe not so much way more mature, maybe a little more(that's what she said). And a little more hotter. Or maybe just grew more self confidence.  

So after my 28th year of life, I am a more stronger, intelligent, confident, experienced, cultured, hilariously hot woman. I am happy with the place I am in life, but always hoping and working towards more out of my life. So in my 29th year of life, I hope it's even more baller but maybe not so challenging as my 28th. So far, so good :) Who knows what my life will throw at me this year. 

Other things that happened in my 28th year of life:
-I lost my Blackberry on New Years. I finally upgraded to the amazing IPhone thanks to my lovely parents.
-Found out my bestest is pregnant with twins! So excited to be an aunt but feeling so old!
-Made way too many new friends that I can't even count.
-Experienced my 4th hurricane and wasn't even in Florida for it.
-Know the feeling and confusion of medical bills and have a cool scar to prove it.
-Went to my first surf and skateboarding competitions.
-Went to four different foreign countries.
-Ran into the ocean in February.
-Had a visit from my brother.
-Got my 3rd black eye from a run on the boardwalk.
-Made up a hand full of new dance moves.
-Became a real New Yorker(on my ID anyway).
-Got a new addition to the family named Bully

Seeing Red

Warning signs, red flags. Every failed relationship or potential relationship has them. Signs that something just isn't right. Red flags that he's not the guy for you. Warning signs that tell you things just aren't going to work out. You know you see them, but you just don't want to come to terms that something that has been going so well is about to plummet and crumble right beneath you. Or maybe you don't even see the signs until one of your friends slaps you back to reality and you finally see the big red flag waving in the air. After being a serial dater like me, you begin to see these signs of failure all too much. Being a risk taker, I usually ignore these signs, thinking that maybe it will be different this time, maybe I'm just used to seeing these signs over and over, that it's all in my head and that I'm imagining it all. But when it's all said and done, I look back at all the signs I just decided to ignore because I tried to be optimistic, and slam my head into the wall as I yell to myself, "STUPID STUPID STUPID!" So, to save other people like me from getting headaches, I decided to let you in on a few of these red flags and warning signs that this professional single girl has noticed in the dating world. After seeing these red flags, this is when it's time to say, "peace out boy scout".

Besties with the Exies. Okay so yeah I'm still friends with a few of my exes. I still talk to them from time to time through facebook or email or talk to them if I see them. I think it's healthy to be friendly and stay in contact. Exes can be a big part of our lives. We learn from the experiences that we had with them and probably have some of the best(or maybe worst) memories with them. But if your potential beau is still talking to his ex on a daily basis, fb liking it up on their page, hanging out or says he's still close and maybe even best friends with his ex, this is a major red flag. I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with his ex, but if he's still in the habit of talking to her all the time, this is a big sign that he's not over her, especially if she was the one that ended it. Trust me on this, I couldn't tell you how many times I've had a guy stop talking to me and come to find out he's suddenly back with his ex. And once this ex finds out he's got a new girl in his life, this is when the bestie exie goes crazy. She just wants to be friends until she sees someone try and take the property she once used to own. That's when the crazy girl ex comes out and his phone blows up, doors get beaten on, and you're all of a sudden called a slut for just speaking his name.

You ain't playing basketball so don't be the rebound. If he just broke up with his girlfriend, be on guard. If she broke his heart, he's probably looking for someone to take his mind off of her, and that person could be you. Don't be that girl, his "rebound". I think that after a break up, a person needs to be single for a while. They should never rush into another relationship. A person's mind needs time to process, time to heal, even if they were the dumper. At the end of a relationship, people need time to breathe, have fun with their friends, and to just be single. If he mentions he was just in a relationship, put that wall up and don't let it down until you're sure he's totally ready to be back in a relationship.

No exes in sight. You stalked his facebook, 0 pictures of him with a consistent girl but about a thousand of him with many different girls. You asked around, no one has ever seen him with one girl for a long period of time. He's never mentioned a thing about an ex, even when you say something about yours. Let's face it, this guy is either gay, a ten year old or never had a girlfriend. I mean come on, what late 20s, early 30s guy has never had a girlfriend? Answer: he's either in line to be the next 40 year old virgin or a major player. He's got a commitment phobia and you think you can break this fear of his. Of course you can, along with the 20 other girls he's dating. Good luck with that!

No relationship in sight. You've been dating this guy for 2 months now. You act like a couple, look like a couple, feel like a couple, but not a couple. Three months, still haven't had the elusive "what are we?" talk. Four months into dating, not a damn thing. You're scared of having the talk because you're scared he might say he doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if he does say that and you want something more, find it somewhere else. Listen to him if he says he just wants to be friends or doesn't want anything serious right now. You can't just change the way he feels just because you want something more. And if he's not committing to you by at the very latest 6 months of consistent dating, talking, acting and playing the part of a couple, then it's probably not going to happen. At that point it's either shit or get off the damn pot. It usually takes a person about a month or 2 of dating to figure out if they want to be committed to that person or not(hence why my so called relationships usually end just before the 2 month mark).

Too much work, not enough you. To be successful, you gotta work at it. Of course you wanna date a successful, hard working man. But if he's blowing off dates, forgetting he made plans with you or just not even making time to hang out, he's probably not really that into you. If he wants to be with you and really wants to see you, he will make time for you. I know people can get extremely busy and work can consume most of a person's life, but if he cares about you and really wants something serious with you, he will figure out how to time manage and fit you into his busy schedule. If he can't, then you gotta think do you really wanna be with a guy like that in the long run? Always at work, missing out on the birth of your first child, soccer games, graduation, growing old together? Yeah, no.

Too much shit on his plate. He's still finishing up his degree in school. He's still looking for or just starting a new job. He's trying to pay off all his bills and save up to start paying for those student loans he's about to get thrown his way. His roommates are his mom and dad. He's still trying to figure out his life. How is he supposed to settle down and get serious with you when he's gotta sneak you in and out of his basement room so his "roommates" don't get mad for having a girl stay over? I once read in Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man (I know I've posted about this before but I'm doing it again because it has really stuck with me) that a guy can't focus on being serious with a woman unless he's got job stability, making money and can provide for his future. Until he has this ladies, you can forget about trying to get him to buy you that diamond you've already got picked out(K-Mart does have lay away you know).

Mr. Popular. Having a lot of friends isn't a bad thing. But a guy you want to get serious with having a lot of friends that are girls can be a little suspicious. I would say this is a small red flag and to keep your guard. Yes, guys can be good friends with girls most of the time, but if you see girls commenting on his fb all the time, he receives multiple text messages over a romantic dinner, or his girlfriends give you dirty looks while you're out with him, be aware and guarded. This is a sign of a player and you don't wanna get played. I'm not saying all guys that have many girls that are friends are players, but keep your eyes open!

1-800-BOOTY-CALL. He calls and texts you, only it's at 2:30am. You hang out with him, but only after a heavy night of drinking. He takes you out to dinner, but it's at the local diner after the bars are closed. You've met his friends and roommates, but only in the morning when you're walking out of his room and they happen to be in the living room as you are obviously doing the walk of shame still wearing the dress from the night before and looking for your other shoe you somehow managed to lose(look under the couch!). I'm sorry to say but your relationship with this guy is not going anywhere. You, my friend, are nothing but a booty call. Can you honestly say you or someone you know started having a serious relationship after being just a friend with benefits? Maybe in the movie world with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, but that's just not realistic in the real world.

You're not in it to win it. Not all signs that things aren't going to work out are from him. Sometimes these signs are from you. If you're in the first month of dating and notice things about him annoy you, you don't feel excited when he calls you, you feel something missing, you just don't feel those butterflies, don't string him along into thinking there's something there when you're just not feeling it. Maybe he's a great guy and you really want to keep dating him because maybe one day you'll get that feeling about him. After dating for about a month or 2(like I said, 1 to 2 months is all it usually takes to figure out if you really wanna be with someone or not), it's just not going to happen. Butterflies usually happen in the beginning and if you're still not feeling them, they probably aren't going to fly around for him.

These are just a few of the red flags I usually notice and more often than not decide to ignore when it comes to dating. There's plenty more out there, and I might add more if my crazy mind pops more up. Like I've said in the past, I am by no means a professional when it comes to this whole dating thing, but I'm pretty damn close! Take it from this professional single girl, or just find these red flags for yourself.

Getting Jerseyfied

Tomorrow my friend Sammy and I will be embarking on a journey of a lifetime. Okay, maybe not a journey of a lifetime, but it's gonna be an epic weekend. We will be leaving LB behind and taking a little 3 hour road trip filled with me making every single song into a country song, fist pumping through the sun-roof, holding our breath once we exit the bridge from Staten Island(because it smells like shit), a mini stop at the Shore house, and a couple of gas and bathroom stops(where we won't be pumping our own gas. We don't pump gas, we pump fists!) That's right folks, Sammy is going back to her motherland and I'm going back to the state that I labeled the armpit of the U.S. We are going to dirty Jersey.

But not anywhere in Jersey. We are going to Atlantic City. I can actually say I like this city in Jersey. Me being a Vegas lover, AC is like a mini Vegas. I've only been here once when I was doing a rehab for an HCo in the area. I would work until 11 and my work friend and I would play blackjack until around 6am, take a nap and go back to work. This time I actually get to experience all that AC has to offer. We are staying at Harrah's and will be partaking in a celebration pool party with none other than Jersey's finest, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.

Being unemployed at the moment, I've been laying in bed all day thinking of what I need to do to get ready for this trip. What do I need to do to get Jerseylicious? I started making a list of to do's I thought I would share.

GTL. This is just a given. You gotta GTL it. But instead of G, I'm gonna get my fitness on by running on the boardwalk. It's too nice outside to be stuck inside of a gym. Plus, I don't have a gym membership yet. And you can't go to Jersey looking like a ghost, you gotta look a little like an oompa loompa.

Slut Gear. I cleaned out my closet last week and found some of my old Vegas dresses. I found one that I never wore, still with the tag on it. Why didn't I wear this dress, it's pretty frickin' cute. I tried it on yesterday and found out why. It's just too long. Yeah you can't be invited to a VIP table popping bottles wearing a dress you might could wear to church. Being a pretty crafty person, I have decided I'm gonna cut at least 5 inches off. Enough to show off the legs but not too much to where if I decide to try to fit in with the locals and do the Jersey Turnpike my goods won't come peeping out.

New Moves. last Thursday after happy hour, I decided to come up with some cool new dance moves to bring with me to Jersey. These guidos aren't gonna know what hit them! Jersey Turnpike ain't got nothing on the Cat(which turns into the Puma and then the Cougar, but don't bring out the Leopard unless you know what you're getting into), the Back Slap, and the Robot Fist Pump. You folks have no idea what I'm talking about, but I plan on demonstrating on my new camera on the road trip there. Stay tuned. It's gonna be the next new hotness of 2011. Everyone will be doing them in the clubs. To prepare these moves to be Jersey ready, I gotta practice. Practice makes perfect!

BJ Ready. I LOVE me some BJ. Alright pervs, get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about Blackjack. I gotta get my mind ready and get back in the zone. I will be downloading the Blackjack app for my new IPhone and preparing to make some money. Do they have a Craps app out there? I'm scared to google for what might pop up.

Hair Essentials. Sometimes I like to make my hair a little longer than it is. And going to AC, it's a must that I put my hair in. My hair though needs a bit of maintenance. It needs to be washed and re-sewn or re-glued. Maybe I should also look for my Bump-It too while I'm thinking about it.

Research. Sammy has done much research for this weekend getaway. She found out about the Snooki pool party, found out Enrigue and Pit Bull will be in town, and got our Harrah room comped. She's done a good job, although she did send me the gay/lesbian pool party fb invite that I RSVPed yes to by mistake(yeah thanks for that Sammy). I want to do some research of my own. Not only do I want to check out the nightlife of AC, but I also want to check out the day life. From my last trip to AC, I remember there was some historical elephant that I didn't get to see. I want to visit this elephant as well as see the boardwalk amongst other things I might want to experience. Being Thursday(Jersday), I will also be researching the guids of Jersey by tuning into the reality of the Jersey Shore. I'm sure I'll learn a lot.

So it looks like I got a lot to do today. Why the hell am I still here, laying in bed writing about it? It's time to get my ass up and get shit done. Time to get Jerseyfied!