Surviving Sin City

Tomorrow I will encounter my 4th visit to one of my favorite places in the world: Las Vegas. Having ADD while packing and waiting for my laundry to finish drying, I decided to write a post about surviving Sin City.

1. When packing, don't forget the essentials: high heels, hair extensions, loads of bling, hair spray, and plenty of sparkly, black, lacy, short, slutty attire.

2. Don't book your flight home too early in the a.m. You may: a- miss your flight. b-get sick in the airport bathroom while waiting for your flight. c-faint in the middle of the isle on your plane. d-all of the above.

3. Don't bring your boyfriend. Or any guys for that matter. Guys rarely get into the club free, unless they are famous or have money.

4. Don't have a boyfriend at all. Vegas is better when you're single.

5. Don't sit at a $500 limit BJ table. Unless you're gambling with someone else's money. In that case, double your bets, double down and split every chance you get.

6. If you get a chance, hang out with local celebs like the boys from the Thunder From Down Under or professional poker players. You'll instantly get VIP everywhere you go.

7. Dance like a rock star where ever you go. Instant VIP.

8. Dress like a model and walk like one. May I suggest high heels, short skirt or dress, long hair extensions, smokey eyes, and a good push up bra goes a long way. Instant VIP.

9. Put a limit on how much you want to gamble. If you're like me, it's hard to walk away from the BJ table.

10. Don't let your friends roofie you.

11. Don't go to bed until you see the sunrise.

12. Bring a camera everywhere you go. Sometimes you need a reminder of what happened the night before.

13. One of the best rides in Vegas is the Luxor elevator. Followed by the New York, New York roller coaster and all the rides at the Stratosphere. Don't stray away from the person that has your ride tickets though, you might just get kicked out of the Stratosphere if you do.

14. Stay away from guys with wedding bands.

15. Don't take any of the cards the little Spanish men are passing out and tapping together on the strip.

16. During a full night of drinking, stay away from little chapels. It doesn't just happen in movies.

17. Run around the Excalibur yelling, "I'm the queen of the castle!" People may look at you weird, but who cares, when else do you get to pretend you're a queen in a real castle?

18. Stay hydrated. This does not mean drinking the water in the Bellagio fountain.

19. Don't text anyone at 2 a.m. Remember there's a 3 hour time difference.

20. Lobster for breakfast is the breakfast of champions.

21. Don't hit when the dealer has a bust card. Unless you wanna piss me off.

22. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

23. Take the Monorail. Monorail. Monorail!

24. Two words: Breakfast buffet.

25. And remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except herpes. That shit'll come back with you.

2nd trip to Vegas. Sitting VIP with a pro poker player.

Unsolved Mysteries

The other day, my roommate and I were discussing how we couldn't keep a guy longer than 3 weeks, give or take. We talked about why this was, what do we do to drive guys away or what makes us back away from a good guy. This got me thinking of all the reasons or excuses I've been dealt or come up with when I've been broken up with or had a guy stray away from me.

I'm actually pretty good when it comes to knowing if a guy just isn't that into me. Being 28, only having enough boyfriends to fill 1 hand but having dated(dating, talking to, seeing, courting, whatever you people call it now a days, but I'm not talking about "sleeping with" because I'm definitely not that girl) enough guys to have my own professional football team, I'd say I'm a professional single girl and have years of experience dealing with douchebags and being shot down. Trust me, I've seen the movie and read the book(actually I own both and sometimes refer back to them when I find myself giving excuses) but if he's not calling or texting you, wanting to hang out or see you, then ladies he's just not that into you. It's simple. But the one thing that gets me and drives me crazy is the why. Why is he just not that into you? What the hell happened?

When break ups happen within real relationships, you usually get an answer of what happened, but when you're just dating a guy and they don't want to move any further, they can just walk away with no answers. It's easier that way, no confrontation, no conflict, just stop all contact and move on to the next one. I know it's easy because I'm guilty of this move. If I'm just not that into someone, I'm not gonna waste my time in continuing the communication and hanging out. It may be easy for the person that's just not that into you, but what about the one left behind?

One minute he's making you dinner and playing Frank Sinatra for you and 3 days later you have yet to hear from him as you're sitting at a bar by yourself sending him drunk text messages written in third person (true story). Okay, so maybe that was a bad example, but my point is this, how is it that one minute things are looking good between you and your maybe in the near future beau, you're hanging out and talking a lot, beginning to feel comfortable and then all of a sudden you're left dumbfounded because you haven't received a call or text in the last few days. You're left looking at your phone and wondering if maybe something is wrong with your Blackberry(turn it off then back on, still nothing) or maybe Verizon is doing some kind of work on the network(damn you Verizon!) or maybe there was some kind of freak accident with a space shuttle and it hit the exact satellite that gives your phone service and now your phone is just this useless object so you might as well throw it across the room. Or maybe he lost his phone and doesn't have your number to contact you. That's it! Or he hit his head really hard at work and now he has amnesia and doesn't even remember you. Maybe a pack of aliens came down in their UFO and are now sticking weird objects into his belly button. Either that, or something happened to make him just not that into you anymore.

It's one big mystery. You just want to hire a detective to investigate. Or call that guy on Unsolved Mysteries, your story would make for an awesome episode! Wait, forget Unsolved Mysteries, it would make for a great Lifetime movie. You think I could I get Kate Bosworth to play me? More than likely, you're not gonna have your mystery solved. If you're a girl, you're going to over analyze the whole so called almost relationship and come up with things like, maybe I talked too much about myself or maybe he doesn't like blonds or maybe he thought I was too good for him. That's it, you are just too good for him, that douchebag! You weren't really into him anyways, right? The thing is you're never going to get the real answer, unless you're friends with his friends and find out that way or maybe grow the balls to ask him for yourself. A little liquid courage sometimes helps make those balls grow.

When I'm stuck in this situation(which happens more than I would like), there's a part of me that wants to say just leave it be. Gather my chips and cash in my winnings because it's over. Another one bites the dust. It is what it is. We had a good run. It's on to the next one. But then there's the crazy girl part of me that's like WTF? What is wrong with me? What did I do? What did I say? And I don't stop asking myself these questions until I get the answers. And on the rare times that I actually do get these answers, they are sometimes the answers I thought they were. And then sometimes they are the answers I didn't want to hear. But the only thing you can do is use these realizations you've encountered to help with the next person you come across.

A few words of advice when your crazy girl part wants to take over. Clear your head(easier said than done, right?) Go for a run while listening to your IPod until your head is clear of all the insanity, it's good for your thoughts and for your body. Go to dinner with your girlfriends and talk it all out of you. It's sometimes good to get more opinions and girls love to compliment their troubled friends so it will boost your self esteem. Go out for a few drinks with your girlfriends and flirt with some hotties, but don't over drink! No matter how many times I've done this and think the more I drink the less I can think, you're more than likely going to run into Mr. He's Just Not That Into You and make a fool of yourself, send him drunken texts that will leave you waking up the next day to not even wanting to look at your phone let alone see what you wrote, or you'll just sit at the bar and throw yourself a pity party. Or you can always just write. Write it out. Write down every little thing. You learn a lot about yourself when you get it all out of you.

Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day

In elementary school, Valentine's Day was my favorite holiday. I used to love all the pink and red heart decorations my teachers would hang up. I loved going to the store with my mom and picking out Valentine's Day cards to hand out to all my classmates. I loved decorating my box or bag for the Valentines I was going to receive on that day. I loved counting how many cards I received and seeing if I received one from my crush. I loved conversation hearts, heart shaped lollipops, and the red and pink sugar cookies. I just loved Valentine's Day.

In high school, the afternoon announcements came on 20 minutes early just to call out everyone who received flowers to come to the office to pick their arrangements up. I always waited with anticipation but my name was always called. One year I swear I had the most beautiful flowers out of any girl; lavender and red roses. I know they can do a lot with flowers now a days, but back then lavender roses like those I had never seen before. I was a lucky girl. I never thought about what if I didn't get flowers or how I would feel if my name wasn't called, seeing all the other girls walking to their cars with their packages and going home empty handed.

Even in college I loved Valentine's Day. My boyfriend and I were long distance but we would still celebrate V Day by spending the weekend together. I think it was my last year of college that Valentine's Day started going down hill for me. I believe it was the day before Valentine's Day(it seems so long ago and can't remember all the details) my boyfriend and I decided to end things. I haven't celebrated a Valentine's Day since then. Okay, so maybe 2 years after that, the guy I was dating at the time met me at work with a rose and took me to dinner on my lunch break, but that's it. It's been 6 years of not celebrating this holiday. No flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry, candy, dinner, spending time with a person I love. And getting gifts from your parents doesn't count! (Sorry mom)

Now I'm the girl in high school that didn't hear her name get called. I'm that girl that left at the end of the day empty handed. I'm the girl with the empty heart decorated box. At least in elementary school the teacher made us give a Valentine to everyone.

I know in my post "The Story of my Singleness" I said I was okay and comfortable with being single. This is still true, but it doesn't mean it's easy being single, especially on a day like this. Seeing all the window displays at the mall with all the hearts and pinks and reds. Seeing couples with their PDA for all to see. Helping guys shop for cute bras and undies for their loves(I work in a bra and undies store for those of you that didn't know. I don't just help random guys look at girls underwear, it's my job!) I was hoping that maybe this year might be different, but it seems my guy-dyslexia has kicked in. Therefore, I will be spending this Valentine's Day with the love of my life, WORK.

It's weird how much your preferences can change throughout the years. I never would have thought that one day I would hate Valentine's Day. Maybe one day I will grow to love this day once again, but for now I'm gonna keep continuing what I do best; being the fun, spontaneous, independent, hard working, single girl I've grown to be.

To My Dearest New York...

Dear New York,

You know I love you, right? I really do, but in order for us to move on in our relationship, I really must get this off my chest. It's been a year and a half that we've been together but there's some things that just annoy me about you. If you want to continue on with our relationship there's just a few things you need to work on.

First of all, your speed limit on all your parkways and major roadways is just way too low. 55 MPH, really? Who made this law, my grandmother? No wonder Floridians get so mad when all the snowbirds invade the south, because all the Yanks are used to not going over 55. In Florida, mostly all interstates have a speed limit of 70 MPH. This means you can go at least 85 without getting into trouble.
This speed limit of 55 MPH is kind of a problem for me. On account of that I commute a total of 2 hours a day for work and on account of I have a medical condition. Don't worry, it's not that serious of a condition but it is a condition I have dealt with since I turned 16. It's condition in my right foot called Lead Foot Syndrome. This syndrome is caused by having lead in my right foot so it causes driving slow to be almost impossible since my foot is so heavy on the accelerator. It's a real condition you guys! Google it if you don't believe me.
New York, it would help me out so much if you could just increase your speed limit, especially on the Southern, Northern, Ocean and Sagtikos Parkways to 70MPH, or even just 65 would be beneficial. You see, with my medical condition and being that if I get another ticket I might have my license suspended I am in a bit of a bind. If you could just raise this speed limit it would mean more sleep for me, less of being late for work, more time for me to get ready for work or go out after work and less time for my friends to have to wait for me to get home from work and less of me having road rage at all the Yanks out there that actually drive the slow ass speed limit.

Secondly, why are your state taxes so damn high? I mean I know you're a little high maintenance and all with your big, busy city but damn dude. I'm not all that great with this tax stuff, that's what accountants are for, right? But I know that when I get my paycheck stub and see my net pay versus what is actually in my paycheck it just down right pisses me off. Where does all my hard working money go? To the schools? I don't have kids so why should my money go there? To the roads? If so, why are there so many damn potholes? And I know my money doesn't go to the snow plowers, and if it is they aren't doing their jobs right because my road sure wasn't plowed right after all this snow.

And that brings me to another topic that's pissing me off, New York. Why you gotta snow so much this winter? You weren't this bad last year. Are you mad at me or something? I know I left you for 3 months but you don't have to show your madness with record breaking snow fall. You're making my commute to work more stressful than my actual day at work, running the boardwalk a slippery obstacle course so therefore I'm not getting my ass into shape, wearing heels outside impossible, street parking a nightmare, stumbling home from the bar more dangerous than it should be, and worst of all you're giving me the winter blues!

So New York, please don't take this post the wrong way, I still do love you. I love your surfer filled beaches. I love your never sleeping big city. I love your defined seasons, especially summer. I love your excitement for sports, even though I'm not a Yankees, Giants, Jets or Mets fan(okay, so I might like the Jets just a little bit). I love your events for celebrating holidays, even if some of them are made up (i.e. Irish Day). I love the way you pronounce your vowels(I gotta say, the accents are growing on me, even though I hope I never talk like that). Trust me, I'm not going to leave you anytime soon. But if you can't do something soon about these things that annoy me, I might have to take some sort of action. I already got a new car just so we could stay together. Where's the compromise, New York? If you don't start making me more happy New York, I might just have to go find some place else that will! Maybe like Boston? Don't worry I'll only be gone for a little over a week. Or maybe Vegas? The trip is already booked but I can always cancel my flight back!

My home in New York. Yes, I live in a barn.