Warning signs, red flags. Every failed relationship or potential relationship has them. Signs that something just isn't right. Red flags that he's not the guy for you. Warning signs that tell you things just aren't going to work out. You know you see them, but you just don't want to come to terms that something that has been going so well is about to plummet and crumble right beneath you. Or maybe you don't even see the signs until one of your friends slaps you back to reality and you finally see the big red flag waving in the air. After being a serial dater like me, you begin to see these signs of failure all too much. Being a risk taker, I usually ignore these signs, thinking that maybe it will be different this time, maybe I'm just used to seeing these signs over and over, that it's all in my head and that I'm imagining it all. But when it's all said and done, I look back at all the signs I just decided to ignore because I tried to be optimistic, and slam my head into the wall as I yell to myself, "STUPID STUPID STUPID!" So, to save other people like me from getting headaches, I decided to let you in on a few of these red flags and warning signs that this professional single girl has noticed in the dating world. After seeing these red flags, this is when it's time to say, "peace out boy scout".
Besties with the Exies. Okay so yeah I'm still friends with a few of my exes. I still talk to them from time to time through facebook or email or talk to them if I see them. I think it's healthy to be friendly and stay in contact. Exes can be a big part of our lives. We learn from the experiences that we had with them and probably have some of the best(or maybe worst) memories with them. But if your potential beau is still talking to his ex on a daily basis, fb liking it up on their page, hanging out or says he's still close and maybe even best friends with his ex, this is a major red flag. I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with his ex, but if he's still in the habit of talking to her all the time, this is a big sign that he's not over her, especially if she was the one that ended it. Trust me on this, I couldn't tell you how many times I've had a guy stop talking to me and come to find out he's suddenly back with his ex. And once this ex finds out he's got a new girl in his life, this is when the bestie exie goes crazy. She just wants to be friends until she sees someone try and take the property she once used to own. That's when the crazy girl ex comes out and his phone blows up, doors get beaten on, and you're all of a sudden called a slut for just speaking his name.
You ain't playing basketball so don't be the rebound. If he just broke up with his girlfriend, be on guard. If she broke his heart, he's probably looking for someone to take his mind off of her, and that person could be you. Don't be that girl, his "rebound". I think that after a break up, a person needs to be single for a while. They should never rush into another relationship. A person's mind needs time to process, time to heal, even if they were the dumper. At the end of a relationship, people need time to breathe, have fun with their friends, and to just be single. If he mentions he was just in a relationship, put that wall up and don't let it down until you're sure he's totally ready to be back in a relationship.
No exes in sight. You stalked his facebook, 0 pictures of him with a consistent girl but about a thousand of him with many different girls. You asked around, no one has ever seen him with one girl for a long period of time. He's never mentioned a thing about an ex, even when you say something about yours. Let's face it, this guy is either gay, a ten year old or never had a girlfriend. I mean come on, what late 20s, early 30s guy has never had a girlfriend? Answer: he's either in line to be the next 40 year old virgin or a major player. He's got a commitment phobia and you think you can break this fear of his. Of course you can, along with the 20 other girls he's dating. Good luck with that!
No relationship in sight. You've been dating this guy for 2 months now. You act like a couple, look like a couple, feel like a couple, but not a couple. Three months, still haven't had the elusive "what are we?" talk. Four months into dating, not a damn thing. You're scared of having the talk because you're scared he might say he doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if he does say that and you want something more, find it somewhere else. Listen to him if he says he just wants to be friends or doesn't want anything serious right now. You can't just change the way he feels just because you want something more. And if he's not committing to you by at the very latest 6 months of consistent dating, talking, acting and playing the part of a couple, then it's probably not going to happen. At that point it's either shit or get off the damn pot. It usually takes a person about a month or 2 of dating to figure out if they want to be committed to that person or not(hence why my so called relationships usually end just before the 2 month mark).
Too much work, not enough you. To be successful, you gotta work at it. Of course you wanna date a successful, hard working man. But if he's blowing off dates, forgetting he made plans with you or just not even making time to hang out, he's probably not really that into you. If he wants to be with you and really wants to see you, he will make time for you. I know people can get extremely busy and work can consume most of a person's life, but if he cares about you and really wants something serious with you, he will figure out how to time manage and fit you into his busy schedule. If he can't, then you gotta think do you really wanna be with a guy like that in the long run? Always at work, missing out on the birth of your first child, soccer games, graduation, growing old together? Yeah, no.
Too much shit on his plate. He's still finishing up his degree in school. He's still looking for or just starting a new job. He's trying to pay off all his bills and save up to start paying for those student loans he's about to get thrown his way. His roommates are his mom and dad. He's still trying to figure out his life. How is he supposed to settle down and get serious with you when he's gotta sneak you in and out of his basement room so his "roommates" don't get mad for having a girl stay over? I once read in Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man (I know I've posted about this before but I'm doing it again because it has really stuck with me) that a guy can't focus on being serious with a woman unless he's got job stability, making money and can provide for his future. Until he has this ladies, you can forget about trying to get him to buy you that diamond you've already got picked out(K-Mart does have lay away you know).
Mr. Popular. Having a lot of friends isn't a bad thing. But a guy you want to get serious with having a lot of friends that are girls can be a little suspicious. I would say this is a small red flag and to keep your guard. Yes, guys can be good friends with girls most of the time, but if you see girls commenting on his fb all the time, he receives multiple text messages over a romantic dinner, or his girlfriends give you dirty looks while you're out with him, be aware and guarded. This is a sign of a player and you don't wanna get played. I'm not saying all guys that have many girls that are friends are players, but keep your eyes open!
1-800-BOOTY-CALL. He calls and texts you, only it's at 2:30am. You hang out with him, but only after a heavy night of drinking. He takes you out to dinner, but it's at the local diner after the bars are closed. You've met his friends and roommates, but only in the morning when you're walking out of his room and they happen to be in the living room as you are obviously doing the walk of shame still wearing the dress from the night before and looking for your other shoe you somehow managed to lose(look under the couch!). I'm sorry to say but your relationship with this guy is not going anywhere. You, my friend, are nothing but a booty call. Can you honestly say you or someone you know started having a serious relationship after being just a friend with benefits? Maybe in the movie world with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, but that's just not realistic in the real world.
You're not in it to win it. Not all signs that things aren't going to work out are from him. Sometimes these signs are from you. If you're in the first month of dating and notice things about him annoy you, you don't feel excited when he calls you, you feel something missing, you just don't feel those butterflies, don't string him along into thinking there's something there when you're just not feeling it. Maybe he's a great guy and you really want to keep dating him because maybe one day you'll get that feeling about him. After dating for about a month or 2(like I said, 1 to 2 months is all it usually takes to figure out if you really wanna be with someone or not), it's just not going to happen. Butterflies usually happen in the beginning and if you're still not feeling them, they probably aren't going to fly around for him.
These are just a few of the red flags I usually notice and more often than not decide to ignore when it comes to dating. There's plenty more out there, and I might add more if my crazy mind pops more up. Like I've said in the past, I am by no means a professional when it comes to this whole dating thing, but I'm pretty damn close! Take it from this professional single girl, or just find these red flags for yourself.
