How Stella Lost Her Groove

As I inch closer to the age of 30, I've noticed something about myself that has definitely changed. I mean there's plenty that has changed since the beginning of my 20's including my slowing metabolism, not being able to have a crazy night out and then head in to work the next morning and be just fine, and having more bills I have to actually pay for myself out of my own pocket(no more help from mom and dad). I have also noticed a very important part of my early 20's, I have seemed to have lost something. I used to be Miss Play It Cool, don't chase after the guy let them chase after you, tell my girls when the going gets hard, play hard to get. These were my mottoes in life. Now I'm more Miss Pathetic, chase after guy and trip and fall while trying, when the going gets hard just get drunk and embarrass yourself. When it comes to dating, my mind now is always filled with doubt, uncertainty, insecurity. I have come to the conclusion that now, I, Stella Elizabeth Taylor, have lost my groove.

Lately, I've been letting my insecurities get the best of me. But honestly, what in life is secure? You can say that you have job security, but what happens when the economy goes down the drain or your company decides to close up shop? Is your job secure then? You could be secure with the way you look but then fall flat on your face and get a black eye. Would you be secure then? And what about relationships? A person could say they have a secure relationship one day and then the next their significant other could walk away and leave them for someone new. Hell, life isn't even secure. You could be driving down the road one minute and end up dead on the highway the next minute. Sorry to be graphic, but that's just life. Sure I know I'm a cute girl and I'm not talking about my insecurities with the way that I look, I'm talking about my insecurities within relationships and dating.

So where did these insecurities and uncertainties come from? How did I go from Miss Smooth Operator to Miss Doubtful? Like most characteristics of one's personality, you aren't just born with these, you develop them throughout life from values you are taught or things you experience. Experiences in life is what shapes who you are and who you become. David Beckham didn't just wake up one day as an awesome soccer player. It takes practice, experience through playing a many a games. A person's biggest fear usually isn't instilled in them at birth, you develop fear through experience. I didn't just say one day, "You know what, I think I'm gonna start being scared of birds from now on." I developed a fear of birds from a bad experience with a mama bird when I was younger. The mama bird had a nest in a tree in my front yard. Every time I walked outside, she would fly down and peck me on the head. After being terrorized by this mean mama, I decided to not use my front door anymore and would use the back door, walk all the way around to the front of my house and high tail it down the road before she could spot me. Another bad experience with birds happened about 3 years ago, I was laying by the pool and a seagull swooped down and shit on my leg. I've heard it's good luck to be crapped on by a bird, but I really don't see anything good about white poop on any part of my body. Now, anytime a bird gets near me, I get a little nervous or have a mini freak out. I don't like birds and probably never will due to these experiences.

When my insecurities and doubtfulness within relationships began, I could probably pin point my lowest of my low experience 2 years ago. At the time, I was so unbelievably happy with my then boyfriend. Although it was long distance(me being in Miami, him almost being Canadian) we made it work. We talked about me possibly moving up there, destination weddings, how many kids we wanted, we talked about it all because one of the most important things in a long distance relationship is talking and communicating and without it, there is no relationship. After giving up my free Southwest flight for him to come visit, an amazing weekend in the sun and rain on the Florida beaches, I wanted to be with him even more. After dropping him off at the airport, I was left at work waiting for his call or text after he arrived home. I received nothing. I texted him wondering if he made it home okay. He said he just had a bad day and wanted time for himself. I understood. A day went by, he wanted more time to himself. I understood. A week went by, no call, no text, nothing. I couldn't just sit there anymore waiting by my phone thinking everything was fine while my boyfriend that I couldn't see because of being over 1,000 miles away and that I was so used to talking to for hours on end each day did not call me. I finally gave in and contacted him. And that was the end of that. He was just in a different place, had too much on his plate, too busy, not ready to be so committed. I was left heartbroken, breaking into waterspouts at anything that reminded me of him. I was left with disappointment, doubt, and just plain sick to my stomach. How could something so good, something that I believed in and felt so secure with, end just like that? After this break up, I felt defeated, let down, and most importantly, insecure. It left me feeling doubtful about any other relationship I might have. It took longer for me to actually get over the relationship than the relationship actually lasted. Which brings me to another point of why I have seemed to have lost my groove.

I admit, with relationships and dating, I have been known to rush into things. My last relationship, the one I just discussed that left me so broken hearted, a mere 2 to 3 months. But to be fair, I'm fast at everything. At one point in high school, I was the fastest girl in my school. I ran track throughout high school and was a sprinter. Also, in previous posts, I discussed my lead foot syndrome. I drive fast, getting pulled over every once in a while. After getting tickets, I have slowed down a bit, but tend to forget about those tickets after a while. Plus, damn it, I'm gonna be late for work if I don't drive fast! Like my driving, I don't even know that I'm going too fast. I just go with the flow of traffic, go with what feels right for me. I wish there was a dating police out there to pull me over whenever I'm rushing into things to give me a ticket, or at least a warning. I mean I ain't from Russia, so why is I rushin'(they only want me for my pimp juice)?

Also, like I've mentioned in a previous post, I am boy-dyslexic. I don't know how to read them and the older I get, the less I understand them. And in my post "Unsolved Mysteries", I have said I am pretty good at figuring out if a guy is in to me or not. But just recently, I've been thrown for a loop. I can't figure it out. Sometimes I wish I were a kid again so I could write a note saying, "Do you like me? Check Yes or Check No" insert boxes by Yes and No and give it to my best friend to pass over to my crush. In this day in age, do they have an App for that? That could be very handy for all the ladies out there.

So how does Stella get her groove back? In the movie, Stella gets her groove back with a younger guy from Jamaica. I used to be a bit of a cougar and I am on an island, maybe not Jamaica, but it is an island. I think this Stella has yet to figure that one out though. For now, this Stella just needs to stop to smell the flowers New York is about to spring up, stop stressing out about every single little thing, learn how to play it cool again and not let the insecurities get the best of her. Easier said than done, right? I need to stop thinking that all birds are going to swoop down and peck me on the head, shit on me, or take off with my French fries and fly away. There are some birds out there that don't fly, right? Like the penguin. They're cuter than any of the other birds that can fly anyway.

Vegas Part 4

Since I have written about every trip I've taken to Vegas, I guess I better write about my last trip. But of course like my other postings of my Vegas trips, I will have to censor a little bit of my post. Not that what I did in Vegas was all that bad, there's just some things that happen in Vegas that just have to stay there.
This trip, my roommate Stephanie accompanied me. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel which was pretty baller. The first day, we spent walking the strip and of course shopping. We were basically winging our trip. We had an idea of what we wanted to do for our trip, but didn't really plan on anything. We were stopped in Caesar's and given wristbands for the club Pure so we figured we'd go there for our first night and see where the rest of the night took us. We ate lunch and decided to go back to our hotel to take a 2 hour power nap since we were a little jet lagged and we knew we would have a long night ahead of us. I didn't set an alarm because I usually wake up when I need to anyway and didn't think I would be sleeping that much since I was so excited to be back in Sin City. When I woke up, I looked at the hotel clock and it read 1:30am. I was so disoriented I thought the clock was on east coast time for some reason. I looked at my Blackberry and it read 4:30am. I was pretty pissed when I realized that we had actually slept through our first night in Vegas. Since Sin City never really sleeps, we could have gotten up and done something, but that meant we'd still have to shower and get ready and by that time it would have been really late. So we went back to sleep.
Our 2nd day consisted of the amazing Bellagio buffet, walking the strip, shopping, and getting stopped constantly by club promoters giving us passes and taking our numbers for things going on for the night. We also went to the wax museum which was actually really cool. We decided to go see the Thunder From Down Under that night and then go to the Palms since I'd never ventured out that way. The Thunder show was awesome as always, but I was disappointed to not see my favorite Thunder. After the show, we chatted it up with one of the Thunders and found out my favorite Thunder had just quit the night before to move to China. After that we hopped a cab and went to Ghost Bar at the Palms. Although the view was amazing, we were a little disappointed by the guy selection there and felt like old maids here. Everyone kept asking us if we were there for Spring Break or Nascar. First of all, my last Spring Break was about 5 years ago and second I hate Nascar. Even though I'm from Florida and I should just naturally like Nascar, I have grown to cringe at the sight of Jeff Gordon after being forced to watch Nascar or Western movies as a child when going to visit my grandfather. After being asked for the 54th time if we were there for Spring Break, we finally just went with it. I was 23 and Steph was 22 and we went to Adelphi and majoring in Journalism.

Steph and I with Hugh.
Our 3rd day, we went back to the Bellagio buffet and then decided to venture out to old Vegas. I'd been to Freedmont Street my first time in Vegas(I think I saw every part of Vegas when I was there 2 weeks for work) but I wanted to get pictures this time and since we had walked up and down the strip the first two days, we were running out of things to do during the day. In Vegas, it's really more of a night place. That night, we went to the Holly Madison show Peepshow which was amazing. Afterwards, we met up with some of the Thunder at Cathouse in the Luxor. After a few drinks, a few puffs of hooka, and a couple rounds of pool with the Aussies, we went back to our hotel. Steph and I were still wide awake so we decided to take the rest of our night to the center bar at the Hard Rock. There, we spotted two guys from across the bar. We were intrigued by the two because they seemed they were really into talking to one another. We were trying to figure out if they were gay or straight. Their body language definitely told us they were a couple. I couldn't take it anymore and walked over. I asked if I could ask them a question and noticed they had accents. Apparently they weren't gay, they were just British. Being the world traveler that I am and that I love people from other countries(okay, mostly just love people from Australia, the U.K., and Italy, and by people I mean guys) I made some new friends. Steph and I tried to teach them American and gave them some phrases to say in Southern and Northern accents. They weren't too good at it. After getting pissed for being carded for ordering water and getting a text message from my "it's time for bed" alarm clock from the East coast, I realized the sun was rising over Vegas.

Teaching some Brits how to speak American.

The sunrise from our hotel room.

Our final day in Vegas like all of my other Vegas trips was the most epic. Since we didn't go to bed until sunrise and we had run out of things to do during the day, we slept until it was time to get up to get ready for the night. Our first stop of the night was the new casino the Cosmopolitan. This place was amazing and a definite place to stay on my next trip. After dinner, we headed over to Paris where we had gotten on the list for the grand opening for the new club Chateau. After being in the club for about 5 minutes, we were approached by a guy that asked if we would like to join their table for some drinks. We went and met some good ole southern boys from Tennessee. They were there for a bachelor party. Steph, me, and two of our new friends decided to go down to the casino for some gambling. We watched them play craps for a while and then went back to the club. A little later, I got the itch to play some blackjack so my new friend and I went back down to the table. I remember doing really well at the beginning, but some how in the end only left the table being up $5. I guess I should have walked away while I still remembered playing. We went back to the club and found the table empty. Apparently everyone had left. We hopped a cab and told the driver we were in search of Elvis. Not just any Elvis, an ordained Elvis. I'm sure we were only joking, since that was #16 on my Surviving Sin City list, but the cab driver was not having it.

Steph and I at Chateau.

Me with my "almost" future ex husband.

The next day, it was time for us to leave. With a pounding head, I quickly threw my stuff in my bag and headed down to check out. The wait for our flight at the airport was miserable but the flight was definitely better than last year. We finally made it back to NY. The next day I woke up sick and ended up sleeping almost the whole day. Vegas had kicked my ass. I still love you Vegas, but you're just so exhausting! After I catch up on my sleep, I can't wait until we meet again, Sin City.