Tomorrow my friend Sammy and I will be embarking on a journey of a lifetime. Okay, maybe not a journey of a lifetime, but it's gonna be an epic weekend. We will be leaving LB behind and taking a little 3 hour road trip filled with me making every single song into a country song, fist pumping through the sun-roof, holding our breath once we exit the bridge from Staten Island(because it smells like shit), a mini stop at the Shore house, and a couple of gas and bathroom stops(where we won't be pumping our own gas. We don't pump gas, we pump fists!) That's right folks, Sammy is going back to her motherland and I'm going back to the state that I labeled the armpit of the U.S. We are going to dirty Jersey.
But not anywhere in Jersey. We are going to Atlantic City. I can actually say I like this city in Jersey. Me being a Vegas lover, AC is like a mini Vegas. I've only been here once when I was doing a rehab for an HCo in the area. I would work until 11 and my work friend and I would play blackjack until around 6am, take a nap and go back to work. This time I actually get to experience all that AC has to offer. We are staying at Harrah's and will be partaking in a celebration pool party with none other than Jersey's finest, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.
Being unemployed at the moment, I've been laying in bed all day thinking of what I need to do to get ready for this trip. What do I need to do to get Jerseylicious? I started making a list of to do's I thought I would share.
GTL. This is just a given. You gotta GTL it. But instead of G, I'm gonna get my fitness on by running on the boardwalk. It's too nice outside to be stuck inside of a gym. Plus, I don't have a gym membership yet. And you can't go to Jersey looking like a ghost, you gotta look a little like an oompa loompa.
Slut Gear. I cleaned out my closet last week and found some of my old Vegas dresses. I found one that I never wore, still with the tag on it. Why didn't I wear this dress, it's pretty frickin' cute. I tried it on yesterday and found out why. It's just too long. Yeah you can't be invited to a VIP table popping bottles wearing a dress you might could wear to church. Being a pretty crafty person, I have decided I'm gonna cut at least 5 inches off. Enough to show off the legs but not too much to where if I decide to try to fit in with the locals and do the Jersey Turnpike my goods won't come peeping out.
New Moves. last Thursday after happy hour, I decided to come up with some cool new dance moves to bring with me to Jersey. These guidos aren't gonna know what hit them! Jersey Turnpike ain't got nothing on the Cat(which turns into the Puma and then the Cougar, but don't bring out the Leopard unless you know what you're getting into), the Back Slap, and the Robot Fist Pump. You folks have no idea what I'm talking about, but I plan on demonstrating on my new camera on the road trip there. Stay tuned. It's gonna be the next new hotness of 2011. Everyone will be doing them in the clubs. To prepare these moves to be Jersey ready, I gotta practice. Practice makes perfect!
BJ Ready. I LOVE me some BJ. Alright pervs, get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about Blackjack. I gotta get my mind ready and get back in the zone. I will be downloading the Blackjack app for my new IPhone and preparing to make some money. Do they have a Craps app out there? I'm scared to google for what might pop up.
Hair Essentials. Sometimes I like to make my hair a little longer than it is. And going to AC, it's a must that I put my hair in. My hair though needs a bit of maintenance. It needs to be washed and re-sewn or re-glued. Maybe I should also look for my Bump-It too while I'm thinking about it.
Research. Sammy has done much research for this weekend getaway. She found out about the Snooki pool party, found out Enrigue and Pit Bull will be in town, and got our Harrah room comped. She's done a good job, although she did send me the gay/lesbian pool party fb invite that I RSVPed yes to by mistake(yeah thanks for that Sammy). I want to do some research of my own. Not only do I want to check out the nightlife of AC, but I also want to check out the day life. From my last trip to AC, I remember there was some historical elephant that I didn't get to see. I want to visit this elephant as well as see the boardwalk amongst other things I might want to experience. Being Thursday(Jersday), I will also be researching the guids of Jersey by tuning into the reality of the Jersey Shore. I'm sure I'll learn a lot.
So it looks like I got a lot to do today. Why the hell am I still here, laying in bed writing about it? It's time to get my ass up and get shit done. Time to get Jerseyfied!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Cuz Breaking Up is Hard to Do
It's not you, it's me. I'm seeing someone else. I think we should see other people. Can we just be friends? This just isn't right. This isn't working for me. I'm not in love with you anymore. We're at different points in our lives. We're drifting apart. I don't see a future for us. I'm just not that into you. I have too much on my plate. I can't be in a relationship right now.
What ever the reason, being dumped never feels good. Seriously, have you ever jumped for joy, toasted a glass of wine to your girls, did a little victory dance, or raised the roof after being dumped(all the while in your snuggie)? Didn't think so. Being dumped is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Having that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted anymore. That feeling of your heart being trampled by a million horses, dread of moving on, denial of it ever happening. The feeling of losing someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. Losing someone you put your whole heart into. It just really sucks.
I'm no expert on this whole breaking up or even dating thing. Yes, of course I've had my fair share of being dumped and being the dumper, and neither warms my heart. The last time I was dumped, or in a relationship at that, was over 2 years ago, but I've had enough faux break ups with faux beaux to feel those feelings of rejection, dread, and all the crazy girl thoughts that go through our minds. Face it, it's over and there's not a damn thing you can do or say to change it. The only thing that's going to heal you completely and mend that broken heart of yours is time. Time heals all wounds. But time can be a bitch, especially when you don't possess patience. So in the mean time of healing your broken heart, here's a few pieces of advice from this single girl of what to do after being thrown in the trash.
Lock yourself up. After being dumped, you're going to go through a thing called denial. You're not going to believe that this just happened. You need to take some time to yourself to come to the realization that this really just did happen. No matter what your friends tell you and how much they try pulling you out of the house, lock yourself in your room. Take a personal day. You just got your heart smashed. You need some time to swallow this, to process what just happened and to mourn by yourself. Some might say you need to be around your friends and things that make you happy. This might be true, but at the end of the day when you come home by yourself, laying in your bed by yourself, those sad feelings are still going to hit. Take a couple of days to yourself to get all your shitty feelings out. Cry until you pass out. Kick and scream in your bed. Throw a pillow across the room(not your phone because then you're just left with a broken heart and a broken phone). Drink a bottle of wine. Eat some Ben and Jerry's. Listen to some Adele and Celine Dion. Watch He's Just Not That Into You a million times over. Do whatever you have to do to get these sad feelings out, anything but call, text, email or social network your ex.
Get pretty. Okay, enough with the being alone shit. Get the hell out of bed, unlock your door, wash your tear stained red face, wash your greasy ass hair, and for God's sake eat something healthy. It's time to put some concealer under those eyes, put the hair extensions in, strap on those black pumps, fasten on your bombshell bra, and put the slut gear on. No, you're not getting all dolled up to find a new beau, you are getting pretty for you. When you look like shit, you feel like shit. When you look good, you feel good. Feeling pretty might not solve all your problems right now, but it's a start. And at least you look good on the outside while you feel broken on the inside.
Get wasted. Now that you're ready to get out of the house, go out. Get out of there! Call up your girls and have some fun. Go crazy. Get totally inebriated. Yeah I said it. Get wasted to the point that you don't know your name. You just got dumped. You're crushed. Your heart is in a million little pieces right now. You need a night with your girls. So go dance on top of the bar, take the shots from the guys across the bar, flirt with the guys from across the bar(just don't go home with the guys from across the bar), fist pump until your arms fall off. Put the life back into your zombie self. While you're getting sloshed though, make sure you don't drunken text or call the ex. Give your phone to a trustworthy friend that wouldn't give you back your phone if your life depended on it(unless you really have to call 911. In that case, you really should stop drinking). Don't get your phone back until you're hangover is gone, because you know you're still going to be drunk when you wake up.
Don't go there. When you do finally make it out of your mourning cocoon, don't go where ever he's going. Trust me, it's going to be hard at first to see him without you, especially if he dumped you for someone else. You can't just walk up and give him a kiss anymore. Hold his hand, touch him, dance with him, call him baby, talk to him the same way you used to back when you thought everything was going perfect. So, if you know that he's going somewhere, don't go there. Delete him from Foursquare(or let him delete you.) If you see him, politely say hi and go about your day. When liquor is involved and you see him dancing or talking to someone else, don't let your crazy girl voice inside come out. Leave and go somewhere else. Especially if you've decided to still be friends or if the break up was completely based on bad timing. If your crazy girl voice comes out, you may as well defriend him on facebook or forget about getting back with him when the timing is right. It might be hard leaving a place that you love, but the fun follows you, right?
Talk it out. When you tell your friends that you just got dumped, the first question out of their mouths are, "Oh no, what happened?" When it first happens, it might be hard to even say your ex's name let alone try and explain the hurtful words that were just delivered to you. It's okay. You don't have to be all smiles and giggles with your friends. They will understand if you can't talk to them right away. When the time is right and you're in the right mind, talk to them. Don't keep your hurt inside for you to take care of by yourself. Let it all out. Analyze it. Call your ex a douchebag. Call his new girl a skank. Just pour it all out to them. That's what friends are for.
Don't keep talking. So maybe you and the ex have decided to just be friends. Friends talk and hang out, right? Being friends with your ex is a really good thing, but right after the break up this can be totally hard. You're used to talking to him everyday, being in the habit of calling him on your way home from work. Or maybe you had a specific date night that was your day to spend together and grab dinner. Don't stick with this routine. You'll start to feel as nothing happened, like you're still with and committed to him. It gives you false hope. Hope that maybe he has changed his mind. That things can actually work themselves out. Face it, he dumped you for a reason. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have just woken up one day and thought, "hey, you know what? I think I might break up with my girlfriend today!" Either he wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling the same way, he isn't in the same place as you at this time, whatever the reason, there's still that reason of why he did it. Just having that break up conversation is nerve racking enough, why would he go through with it if he wasn't 100% sure? The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is an amazing statement. If he's still there talking and hanging out with you, how the hell are you going to get him out of your head? You're not and this is just going to make things worse for you down the road.
Get the hell out of here. If you have the vacation days, or the time just to take a weekend getaway, then get the hell out of dodge, especially if your ex is still around. Round up the girls and take a road trip to AC. Plan a tropical vacation, or just go out in another city but your own. Do something different from the norm. You lost the one you loved(or saw yourself loving one day). That's kind of a tramatic experience. Take a break, get out, relax, and do something for you this time.
Friends. When you've dated someone for so long and have made the same group of friends along the way or you met your ex through mutual friends, it makes the break up that much harder. Your ex dumped you, your friends didn't and you can't just stop being friends with them but it's hard to hang out with your friends with your ex still lingering around. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If it's getting too hard for you to handle with him around, let them know. Like I said, time heals all, and maybe in the beginning it's hard to be around him and your friends, but if you take a time out, hang out with other friends while you're healing or go out with your friends when he's not around, it will give you the chance to have time to get back to your normal self.
Manbatical. Take a break from guys for a while. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. Yeah, I know when it's on to the next one it gets your mind off of him, but don't do it until you are completely over your ex. If you move on before you're ready, you're faced with the risk of the relationship not working out because you compare everything about your new boy to your ex. If you're just trying to get back at your ex or make him jealous, you're getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and that's not fair to this dude who may really have true feelings for you. And if you rush into something when you're not over your last guy and this new relationship doesn't end up working out, then you're just left with two broken hearts(which is not anatomically possible, unless you're some kind of freak. But for real, you're going to get hurt even worse). You've spent the last however long being a couple and thinking of that one person. It's time to focus on you. Eat whatever you want. Go see whatever movie you want. Do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to just do you and not have to worry about anyone else.
Hit the gym. So now that you're out of bed and done with throwing yourself pity parties, it's time to get some energy back in you. Working out gives you endorphines,right? Endorphines make you happy(God I sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but you smell what I'm stepping in.) Working out makes you look good and feel even better. I know running helps get my thoughts in order and clears my head. Not a runner? Try yoga or pilates. Maybe a spinning class. Get your frustrations out with kickboxing. Hit up your local gym. Some hottie-bo-botties are always hanging around the gym. Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet, but it's nice to have some eye candy around. And maybe when you are ready to move on, one of those hotties will be just what you need in your life.
Memories. Hearing your song on the radio. Watching a television show you watched together. Going to a restaurant he loved. Seeing a friend of his. Smelling a riff of his cologne. Looking at a picture from the good times. After a break up, you're like a ticking time bomb with water works ready to come pouring out of you at any second. Nobody can take these feelings and memories away. Not nobody. Not no how. In the beginning stages of coping with a break up, try avoiding these things. These senses, whether it be sound, sight, smell or whatever will bring you right back to those memories of him. You're trying to get him off your mind, not take your mind right back to him. Walk a different way home so you don't pass that deli you guys used to eat at. Turn the station to the radio when your song comes on. Stop looking at his facebook. I know his profile is the first thing that comes up when you type that first letter in your search bar, but don't do it. Some things you just can't avoid, but avoid the avoidable until you're cured from him. And the things you loved doing or seeing that reminds you of him? Slowly ease back into those things. You'll notice walking by that deli and hearing that song is a lot easier to do after some time away.
You can pick up what I'm throwing down or just leave it there. Do what you want with it. I'm no psychologist or expert at this whole relationship thing, I'm just an aspiring wannabe writer who's almost 29 and still single, so what do I know? I have been there, done that, seen it, and heard it all. Don't blame me if my advice doesn't work for you, but I'll tell you this, I wish I would have picked up what I just put down.
What ever the reason, being dumped never feels good. Seriously, have you ever jumped for joy, toasted a glass of wine to your girls, did a little victory dance, or raised the roof after being dumped(all the while in your snuggie)? Didn't think so. Being dumped is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Having that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted anymore. That feeling of your heart being trampled by a million horses, dread of moving on, denial of it ever happening. The feeling of losing someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. Losing someone you put your whole heart into. It just really sucks.
I'm no expert on this whole breaking up or even dating thing. Yes, of course I've had my fair share of being dumped and being the dumper, and neither warms my heart. The last time I was dumped, or in a relationship at that, was over 2 years ago, but I've had enough faux break ups with faux beaux to feel those feelings of rejection, dread, and all the crazy girl thoughts that go through our minds. Face it, it's over and there's not a damn thing you can do or say to change it. The only thing that's going to heal you completely and mend that broken heart of yours is time. Time heals all wounds. But time can be a bitch, especially when you don't possess patience. So in the mean time of healing your broken heart, here's a few pieces of advice from this single girl of what to do after being thrown in the trash.
Lock yourself up. After being dumped, you're going to go through a thing called denial. You're not going to believe that this just happened. You need to take some time to yourself to come to the realization that this really just did happen. No matter what your friends tell you and how much they try pulling you out of the house, lock yourself in your room. Take a personal day. You just got your heart smashed. You need some time to swallow this, to process what just happened and to mourn by yourself. Some might say you need to be around your friends and things that make you happy. This might be true, but at the end of the day when you come home by yourself, laying in your bed by yourself, those sad feelings are still going to hit. Take a couple of days to yourself to get all your shitty feelings out. Cry until you pass out. Kick and scream in your bed. Throw a pillow across the room(not your phone because then you're just left with a broken heart and a broken phone). Drink a bottle of wine. Eat some Ben and Jerry's. Listen to some Adele and Celine Dion. Watch He's Just Not That Into You a million times over. Do whatever you have to do to get these sad feelings out, anything but call, text, email or social network your ex.
Get pretty. Okay, enough with the being alone shit. Get the hell out of bed, unlock your door, wash your tear stained red face, wash your greasy ass hair, and for God's sake eat something healthy. It's time to put some concealer under those eyes, put the hair extensions in, strap on those black pumps, fasten on your bombshell bra, and put the slut gear on. No, you're not getting all dolled up to find a new beau, you are getting pretty for you. When you look like shit, you feel like shit. When you look good, you feel good. Feeling pretty might not solve all your problems right now, but it's a start. And at least you look good on the outside while you feel broken on the inside.
Get wasted. Now that you're ready to get out of the house, go out. Get out of there! Call up your girls and have some fun. Go crazy. Get totally inebriated. Yeah I said it. Get wasted to the point that you don't know your name. You just got dumped. You're crushed. Your heart is in a million little pieces right now. You need a night with your girls. So go dance on top of the bar, take the shots from the guys across the bar, flirt with the guys from across the bar(just don't go home with the guys from across the bar), fist pump until your arms fall off. Put the life back into your zombie self. While you're getting sloshed though, make sure you don't drunken text or call the ex. Give your phone to a trustworthy friend that wouldn't give you back your phone if your life depended on it(unless you really have to call 911. In that case, you really should stop drinking). Don't get your phone back until you're hangover is gone, because you know you're still going to be drunk when you wake up.
Don't go there. When you do finally make it out of your mourning cocoon, don't go where ever he's going. Trust me, it's going to be hard at first to see him without you, especially if he dumped you for someone else. You can't just walk up and give him a kiss anymore. Hold his hand, touch him, dance with him, call him baby, talk to him the same way you used to back when you thought everything was going perfect. So, if you know that he's going somewhere, don't go there. Delete him from Foursquare(or let him delete you.) If you see him, politely say hi and go about your day. When liquor is involved and you see him dancing or talking to someone else, don't let your crazy girl voice inside come out. Leave and go somewhere else. Especially if you've decided to still be friends or if the break up was completely based on bad timing. If your crazy girl voice comes out, you may as well defriend him on facebook or forget about getting back with him when the timing is right. It might be hard leaving a place that you love, but the fun follows you, right?
Talk it out. When you tell your friends that you just got dumped, the first question out of their mouths are, "Oh no, what happened?" When it first happens, it might be hard to even say your ex's name let alone try and explain the hurtful words that were just delivered to you. It's okay. You don't have to be all smiles and giggles with your friends. They will understand if you can't talk to them right away. When the time is right and you're in the right mind, talk to them. Don't keep your hurt inside for you to take care of by yourself. Let it all out. Analyze it. Call your ex a douchebag. Call his new girl a skank. Just pour it all out to them. That's what friends are for.
Don't keep talking. So maybe you and the ex have decided to just be friends. Friends talk and hang out, right? Being friends with your ex is a really good thing, but right after the break up this can be totally hard. You're used to talking to him everyday, being in the habit of calling him on your way home from work. Or maybe you had a specific date night that was your day to spend together and grab dinner. Don't stick with this routine. You'll start to feel as nothing happened, like you're still with and committed to him. It gives you false hope. Hope that maybe he has changed his mind. That things can actually work themselves out. Face it, he dumped you for a reason. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have just woken up one day and thought, "hey, you know what? I think I might break up with my girlfriend today!" Either he wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling the same way, he isn't in the same place as you at this time, whatever the reason, there's still that reason of why he did it. Just having that break up conversation is nerve racking enough, why would he go through with it if he wasn't 100% sure? The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is an amazing statement. If he's still there talking and hanging out with you, how the hell are you going to get him out of your head? You're not and this is just going to make things worse for you down the road.
Get the hell out of here. If you have the vacation days, or the time just to take a weekend getaway, then get the hell out of dodge, especially if your ex is still around. Round up the girls and take a road trip to AC. Plan a tropical vacation, or just go out in another city but your own. Do something different from the norm. You lost the one you loved(or saw yourself loving one day). That's kind of a tramatic experience. Take a break, get out, relax, and do something for you this time.
Friends. When you've dated someone for so long and have made the same group of friends along the way or you met your ex through mutual friends, it makes the break up that much harder. Your ex dumped you, your friends didn't and you can't just stop being friends with them but it's hard to hang out with your friends with your ex still lingering around. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If it's getting too hard for you to handle with him around, let them know. Like I said, time heals all, and maybe in the beginning it's hard to be around him and your friends, but if you take a time out, hang out with other friends while you're healing or go out with your friends when he's not around, it will give you the chance to have time to get back to your normal self.
Manbatical. Take a break from guys for a while. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. Yeah, I know when it's on to the next one it gets your mind off of him, but don't do it until you are completely over your ex. If you move on before you're ready, you're faced with the risk of the relationship not working out because you compare everything about your new boy to your ex. If you're just trying to get back at your ex or make him jealous, you're getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and that's not fair to this dude who may really have true feelings for you. And if you rush into something when you're not over your last guy and this new relationship doesn't end up working out, then you're just left with two broken hearts(which is not anatomically possible, unless you're some kind of freak. But for real, you're going to get hurt even worse). You've spent the last however long being a couple and thinking of that one person. It's time to focus on you. Eat whatever you want. Go see whatever movie you want. Do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to just do you and not have to worry about anyone else.
Hit the gym. So now that you're out of bed and done with throwing yourself pity parties, it's time to get some energy back in you. Working out gives you endorphines,right? Endorphines make you happy(God I sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but you smell what I'm stepping in.) Working out makes you look good and feel even better. I know running helps get my thoughts in order and clears my head. Not a runner? Try yoga or pilates. Maybe a spinning class. Get your frustrations out with kickboxing. Hit up your local gym. Some hottie-bo-botties are always hanging around the gym. Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet, but it's nice to have some eye candy around. And maybe when you are ready to move on, one of those hotties will be just what you need in your life.
Memories. Hearing your song on the radio. Watching a television show you watched together. Going to a restaurant he loved. Seeing a friend of his. Smelling a riff of his cologne. Looking at a picture from the good times. After a break up, you're like a ticking time bomb with water works ready to come pouring out of you at any second. Nobody can take these feelings and memories away. Not nobody. Not no how. In the beginning stages of coping with a break up, try avoiding these things. These senses, whether it be sound, sight, smell or whatever will bring you right back to those memories of him. You're trying to get him off your mind, not take your mind right back to him. Walk a different way home so you don't pass that deli you guys used to eat at. Turn the station to the radio when your song comes on. Stop looking at his facebook. I know his profile is the first thing that comes up when you type that first letter in your search bar, but don't do it. Some things you just can't avoid, but avoid the avoidable until you're cured from him. And the things you loved doing or seeing that reminds you of him? Slowly ease back into those things. You'll notice walking by that deli and hearing that song is a lot easier to do after some time away.
You can pick up what I'm throwing down or just leave it there. Do what you want with it. I'm no psychologist or expert at this whole relationship thing, I'm just an aspiring wannabe writer who's almost 29 and still single, so what do I know? I have been there, done that, seen it, and heard it all. Don't blame me if my advice doesn't work for you, but I'll tell you this, I wish I would have picked up what I just put down.
Monday, September 12, 2011
My Quarter Plus 3 Year Life Crisis
Have you ever woken up one day and thought, what the hell am I doing? Where am I going in life? What do I want? What do I need? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? Yeah, so this happened to me, twice. Most people would say that I had a mid-life crisis. Seeing that I'm only 28 and hoping to live longer than 58, I'm not having a mid-life crisis. I'm having more of a 7/25 life crisis. Okay, so I'm not the best at math, I'm a writer not a mathematician! But I already had my quarter life crisis back when I was 25(okay maybe I had it a year too late) and if you take the fraction 28/100 it gets cut down to 7/25 because 28 and 100 is divisible by 4 or whatever. Can you tell I've been out of college for 6 years? Anyway, I'm in the middle of a quarter plus 3 life crisis!
My quarter life crisis, like I said, transpired a year late. Maybe this was because I was traveling so much when I was 25 that my crisis could never find where I was. At this time, I lived in Miami. Aventura to be correct. I loved my friends, I loved the place, but hated the people. I couldn't take the rudeness, the language barrier, the snobby better than you attitudes. At first, my job was going pretty bad. I had just stopped traveling and came back into stores. I felt lost. Until I started dating my ex. After that, my job was back on track. I started running more and feeling good about myself. I saw Miami through a happier, peppier me. I thought I had my life together. I knew what I wanted. Until I got side swiped with a broken heart. After this I did a lot of thinking. A lot of analyzing. A lot of running. And a lot of working. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Did I really want to live in Miami? Was I really ready to move on and heal my shattered heart?
At this point, I freaked. I felt like my life was just a huge bowl of hot mess cereal that I was eating for breakfast everyday. My life consisted of working until I passed out, running until I passed out, drinking until I passed out, crying until I passed out, and repeat. I needed a change. I needed control. I needed a vacuum to pick up the pieces of my life that were left all over my 19th floor apartment. So when my boss approached me with an opportunity to move to NY, I didn't even have to sleep on it. I basically said yes and I was out of Miami and in NY 2 weeks later.
My move to Long Island was like a restart to my life. Totally different place, new people, new friends. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. This is what my life needed. I had my wall up to any guy that was trying to get in my life and focused on my job. I made some really close friends, worked my ass off, and then moved to a place I now love. My little beach town of Long Beach. My quarter life crisis was over. I was back to happy, peppy, crazy, random Stella.
And then I seemed to hit crisis mode again. I began hating a job that I had so much passion and love for. A job that took me all over the world and allowed me to see things I had never seen before. A job I put my whole life into for the past 8 years. I began to open my eyes and see the other side of the moose. I began dreading going into work, looking forward to every day off I had. I questioned everything the company asked out of me and realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I really started looking towards my future, and that was not with the company that I put so many hours and hard work into. I became so unhappy with what I was doing, I almost just threw in the towel and took the whole summer off. Sounded like an awesome plan at first, until I landed myself in the ER.
Life is sometimes a scary ride and when suddenly something goes wrong with your health, it can become your worst nightmare. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, earlier in the day I was running the boardwalk. By the end of the day, I was grabbing my side, doubled over in pain. Three days later, I'm in the OR, getting two larger than golf ball sized hairy creature looking things(dermoid cysts) off my lady parts and pieced back together by my doctor. I gotta say, this surgery took so much out of me. I became so down on myself. Here I was, unhappy with my job that I had once loved and in so much pain and scared from a health issue I now have to deal with for the rest of my life.
Oh, but that's not all of this quarter plus 3 year crisis. This wouldn't be a single girl blog without writing about boys, now would it? I have something to admit. For the past year, I, Stella Elizabeth Taylor, have been a serial dater. I said it. Call me the Ted Bundy of dating. That wall that I had put up before leaving Miami and after moving to NY, yeah it went down about a year after that. I left myself unguarded and took risks. Time after time there was failure after failure, each time I picked myself up, dusted off my shoulders, and kept going. Each time I got knocked down became harder and harder, until I was KOed. Down for the count as described in my last post. I felt I didn't have the strength to pick myself up anymore.
And so my life has become code red. Crisis mode has been in full effect. In the past few months, I've felt like the myth of Sisyphus, rolling a boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and to keep trying to push it back up just to watch it fall back down. How do I stop this? How can I get up the hill and keep the boulder at the top? In life there is no crisis manual to tell you want to do or how to avert the crisis. There is no chapter that tells you what the next step of your life is and what to do when life comes tumbling down on you. There's no chapters that tell you how to mend a hurt heart, what to do when you hate your job, and how to get back on your feet when you're at the lowest of your low. Slowly but surely, I think I'm figuring out how to cope with my crisis. Slowly, I'm rolling the boulder up that hill.
I need to get my happiness back. Be back to my normal, spontaneous, fun-loving self. How do I do this? For the longest time, I've been depending on things and others to make me happy. My job had made me happy but then when I started hating it, I became unhappy. Guys I had dated made me happy, but when something went wrong I was left unhappy. I have decided I need to make myself happy. No more depending on others or things to do that. I gotta find happiness inside. No more worrying about others or other things. It's time to be a little selfish. It's time to do me. Do what Stella wants and what Stella needs.
So, what is going to make Stella happy? Two weeks ago, I finally did it. I quit. I QUIT. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am taking 2 weeks off for some me time. Some time to think. Some time to write. Some time to see my family and spend with my friends. Some time to do whatever the hell Stella wants to do. I'm getting my life back on track. I'm running again and getting back in good health. And then starting my new job. And the whole serial dating thing? There won't be anymore of that. Even serial killers need to take a break, right? Yeah, I don't know much about serial killers, but I'm sure they need a little rest in between killings, right? Well this little serial dater needs a break. My wall has been built. I gotta focus on myself first and get my life together before I even think of bringing someone else back into my life. I have decided to take a manbatical for a little bit. What, may you ask, is a manbatical? Well, the Urban Dictionary describes it as this:
I feel as though my life crisis is nearing an end. I just have to keep my focus on me and do what makes me happy for a bit and I will be fine. I'm going to be just fine :)
My quarter life crisis, like I said, transpired a year late. Maybe this was because I was traveling so much when I was 25 that my crisis could never find where I was. At this time, I lived in Miami. Aventura to be correct. I loved my friends, I loved the place, but hated the people. I couldn't take the rudeness, the language barrier, the snobby better than you attitudes. At first, my job was going pretty bad. I had just stopped traveling and came back into stores. I felt lost. Until I started dating my ex. After that, my job was back on track. I started running more and feeling good about myself. I saw Miami through a happier, peppier me. I thought I had my life together. I knew what I wanted. Until I got side swiped with a broken heart. After this I did a lot of thinking. A lot of analyzing. A lot of running. And a lot of working. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Did I really want to live in Miami? Was I really ready to move on and heal my shattered heart?
At this point, I freaked. I felt like my life was just a huge bowl of hot mess cereal that I was eating for breakfast everyday. My life consisted of working until I passed out, running until I passed out, drinking until I passed out, crying until I passed out, and repeat. I needed a change. I needed control. I needed a vacuum to pick up the pieces of my life that were left all over my 19th floor apartment. So when my boss approached me with an opportunity to move to NY, I didn't even have to sleep on it. I basically said yes and I was out of Miami and in NY 2 weeks later.
My move to Long Island was like a restart to my life. Totally different place, new people, new friends. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. This is what my life needed. I had my wall up to any guy that was trying to get in my life and focused on my job. I made some really close friends, worked my ass off, and then moved to a place I now love. My little beach town of Long Beach. My quarter life crisis was over. I was back to happy, peppy, crazy, random Stella.
And then I seemed to hit crisis mode again. I began hating a job that I had so much passion and love for. A job that took me all over the world and allowed me to see things I had never seen before. A job I put my whole life into for the past 8 years. I began to open my eyes and see the other side of the moose. I began dreading going into work, looking forward to every day off I had. I questioned everything the company asked out of me and realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I really started looking towards my future, and that was not with the company that I put so many hours and hard work into. I became so unhappy with what I was doing, I almost just threw in the towel and took the whole summer off. Sounded like an awesome plan at first, until I landed myself in the ER.
Life is sometimes a scary ride and when suddenly something goes wrong with your health, it can become your worst nightmare. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, earlier in the day I was running the boardwalk. By the end of the day, I was grabbing my side, doubled over in pain. Three days later, I'm in the OR, getting two larger than golf ball sized hairy creature looking things(dermoid cysts) off my lady parts and pieced back together by my doctor. I gotta say, this surgery took so much out of me. I became so down on myself. Here I was, unhappy with my job that I had once loved and in so much pain and scared from a health issue I now have to deal with for the rest of my life.
Oh, but that's not all of this quarter plus 3 year crisis. This wouldn't be a single girl blog without writing about boys, now would it? I have something to admit. For the past year, I, Stella Elizabeth Taylor, have been a serial dater. I said it. Call me the Ted Bundy of dating. That wall that I had put up before leaving Miami and after moving to NY, yeah it went down about a year after that. I left myself unguarded and took risks. Time after time there was failure after failure, each time I picked myself up, dusted off my shoulders, and kept going. Each time I got knocked down became harder and harder, until I was KOed. Down for the count as described in my last post. I felt I didn't have the strength to pick myself up anymore.
And so my life has become code red. Crisis mode has been in full effect. In the past few months, I've felt like the myth of Sisyphus, rolling a boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and to keep trying to push it back up just to watch it fall back down. How do I stop this? How can I get up the hill and keep the boulder at the top? In life there is no crisis manual to tell you want to do or how to avert the crisis. There is no chapter that tells you what the next step of your life is and what to do when life comes tumbling down on you. There's no chapters that tell you how to mend a hurt heart, what to do when you hate your job, and how to get back on your feet when you're at the lowest of your low. Slowly but surely, I think I'm figuring out how to cope with my crisis. Slowly, I'm rolling the boulder up that hill.
I need to get my happiness back. Be back to my normal, spontaneous, fun-loving self. How do I do this? For the longest time, I've been depending on things and others to make me happy. My job had made me happy but then when I started hating it, I became unhappy. Guys I had dated made me happy, but when something went wrong I was left unhappy. I have decided I need to make myself happy. No more depending on others or things to do that. I gotta find happiness inside. No more worrying about others or other things. It's time to be a little selfish. It's time to do me. Do what Stella wants and what Stella needs.
So, what is going to make Stella happy? Two weeks ago, I finally did it. I quit. I QUIT. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am taking 2 weeks off for some me time. Some time to think. Some time to write. Some time to see my family and spend with my friends. Some time to do whatever the hell Stella wants to do. I'm getting my life back on track. I'm running again and getting back in good health. And then starting my new job. And the whole serial dating thing? There won't be anymore of that. Even serial killers need to take a break, right? Yeah, I don't know much about serial killers, but I'm sure they need a little rest in between killings, right? Well this little serial dater needs a break. My wall has been built. I gotta focus on myself first and get my life together before I even think of bringing someone else back into my life. I have decided to take a manbatical for a little bit. What, may you ask, is a manbatical? Well, the Urban Dictionary describes it as this:
Manbatical: An extended period of time where a straight woman or a gay man purposely refrains from dating men; literally, a man sabbatical.I'm not going to take it to such an extreme as I've heard other girls do, like not even talk to guys, but I need to focus on myself for a few. If someone comes along during that time, so be it, good for me. It's definitely going to be hard to break down this wall I got up though.
Example: Every guy I date seems to be a loser. It's time for me to go on manbatical.
I feel as though my life crisis is nearing an end. I just have to keep my focus on me and do what makes me happy for a bit and I will be fine. I'm going to be just fine :)
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