New Years. To some people it's a night to get together with friends, watch the ball drop, drunkenly sing Auld Lang Syne(you know you don't know the words, just hum it!), kiss a loved one or in some cases a random stranger at the bar, cheers a glass(or a few) of champagne at midnight and then cure a hang over with black eyed peas and cabbage while watching football. This is probably what my new years will look like(just way more baller of course) in the beautiful and amazing Big Apple. To me though, New Years means a whole lot more than just a fun night out in the city with my girls. This New Years especially.
2011 was the most challenging year of my entire life. I've lived and learned and became a stronger person because of it, but really 2011, you kicked my ass. I can't wait for 2011 to end. 2012 is a fresh new start. A new motivation to my life. A new hope for good things to come. I really need some positivity and good karma to come in 2012. Also, 2012 is an end of an era. An end to my 20's and a start to my 30's(that is, if the world doesn't end!)
Every year, I try to make a New Year's resolution. Last year I blogged my resolution. Here it is:
For 2011, I have made a few resolutions for my year. I have decided like most people, I am going to be more healthy and go running more. I am going to get off my ass on my days off and actually do stuff. I'm going to try my damn hardest to get promoted at work (new motto: shit or get off the pot). And most importantly, I am going to write more.
I can say that I kept most of my resolutions. I definitely ran more(and obtained a black eye from the boardwalk to prove it). I got off the pot, but seemed to just moved to another pot that I need to get off. I still like laying on my ass on my days off(i.e. right now I'm laying on my couch still in my pajamas, watching Days of Our Lives, but being somewhat productive by updating my blog.) And I have definitely wrote more(although I hadn't this month. December is way too stressful and busy in the retail world!)
This New Year's resolution I have decided to incorporate an idea I have been working on since before my 29th birthday. I wanted to publish this blog post on my birthday, but procrastination and my busy life got the best of me. So I decided to turn my New Year's resolution into my birthday blog post. This is my 30 before 30, 30 things I want to do or make better in my life before leaving my 20's and taking the dive into my 30's. 30 things might seem a bit lengthy so hopefully I won't bore you. Some of the things are major while others are so minor they barely made the list. Here goes!
1. Stop eating like a kid. Some of my favorite foods include but aren't limited to: hot dogs, mac and cheese, grilled cheese with tomato soup, Pizza Bites, and Spaghettios with franks. Just listing all of these make me hungry and want to vomit at the same time.
2. Take better care of my face. How do I still get pimples at the age of 29?
3. Keep a clean(or at least cleaner) house. At one point I had a friend tell me my house looked like it was on the TV show Hoarders. I mean, it's not THAT bad, but I still need to keep the barn clean more often.
4. Keep growing out my hair. One of these days, I want to not have to put the hair extensions in to make it longer.
5. Get the hell out of retail. From my last blog post, you can probably tell that I'm so over retail by now.
6. Find a new job. I need a normal, 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, holidays off, fulfilling grown up kind of job in NYC. Do those really exist and if so, where can I find one?
7. Gym it up. I have finally gotten a gym membership, but lately have been too busy to use it. I need a solid gym routine to keep me from flying away when waving and having unwanted jiggleys on this almost 30 year old body of mine.
8. Take better care of my electronics. Last year on New Years, I lost my phone. On my birthday, I lost my camera. Within the year I've also had a broken TV, missing "0" key on my lap top, broken DVD player, broken camera and a scratched Nook screen. I have an iPhone now so I think if I lost that I would be completely lost(literally. My friends wouldn't be able to find me on my stalking app Find My Friends.)
9. Drink more water.
10. Stop eating out so much and cook for myself.
11. Go back to school. I just sent in my application to the Fashion Institute of Technology. Fingers crossed that I get accepted!
12. Stop being lazy. This was one of my New Year's resolutions last year that I pretty much failed. If I fail this year, I will buy myself one of those Forever Lazy adult pajama outfits, take a picture of myself wearing it, and make it my profile picture on facebook.
13. Be more fashionable. After I quit AnF, I got rid of a lot of my plaids and navy attire. Now I find myself shopping more at Urban Outfitters and other places I normally didn't shop. I want to be a fashion genius and the fashion go to girl in 2012.
14. Finish my NYC bucket list. I have a list of touristy things I still want to do in NYC. It's not written down but it's all stored away in this head of mine. I want to complete this bucket list.
15. Find me a man? I have an old proverb I try to live by. It states, "Thee wilt findith what thou is looking for when thee hath stopith looking." Have you ever lost your keys and looked everywhere for them? Finally, you get frustrated and give up. Then, there they are, clear as day, right beside you. In 2012, I will be as cool as a cucumber, calm as the eye of a storm, and smooth as a baby's bottom. I mean really, where's the fire? I'll be in a relationship, get married and have kids on my own time.
16. Run a 5K.
17. Work on my website and build a better blog.
18. Get some of my writings published. Magazines, newspapers, popular online blogs, on the wall in a bathroom stall, I don't care I just want my shit published!
19. Save more money. Between medical bills, getting my new car and drivers license switched over to NY, quitting my job and taking a few trips around the U.S., I spent way too much money in 2011 than I ever have. Time to save up some money for that future of mine.
20. Be part of a flash mob.
21. No more ER visits or hospital stays.
22. Move to Manhattan. This one will probably be the last goal I hopefully will accomplish before I turn 30. One more amazing summer in LB, then *fingers crossed* it's off to live in the Big Apple.
23. Stop falling for douche bags. Most of the time, I already know they are douche bags and I still continue dating them. I think this manbatical I've been on has really helped me grow out of this stage, I hope.
24. Read more. When I traveled, I was always reading. Now that I have more of a somewhat stable life, I have stopped reading. I have so many books downloaded on my Nook I have yet to read.
25. Drive cross country with Sammy while fist pumping. Okay, so this isn't really a serious goal. I started running out of things to do and asked my friend Sammy for her thoughts.This is what she came up with. I do want to take more spontaneous trips though.
26. Rescue a four legged friend. When I think of rescuing a dog in NYC, I think of pushing a dog out of the way of a taxi before it gets hit. Yes I have a wild imagination. Once I have the 9 to 5 job, apartment in the city, and life situated, maybe then I can find the time to get a dog.
27. Hang out with a celebrity. I'm thinking Chris Humphries.
28. Take more trips to Florida. My family is the world to me and I would like to see them more than I do. Also, my best friend is having twins in March and I don't want to be a stranger to them. After all, I will be an unofficial aunt!
29. Take another big trip out of the U.S. Whether it's off to Ireland or just a road trip to Canada, I want to leave the U.S. again and go somewhere I haven't gone before.
30. Get inked. If you're reading this mom and dad, I'm only kidding. I just wrote this because I ran out of things to write. If you're not reading this, I want a cool star because that's what my name means.
I hope on October 21st, 2012, I can say I have completed every single one of these 30 goals. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be or I could have tried harder. Life can throw you many curve balls, you just gotta be ready for them! So come on 2012, bring it on! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me. Please go easy on me though. I'm still a little fragile from the beating of 2011. 2012, I hope you will be my year!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Retail Hell
'Tis the season to be jolly. Or rather for me 'tis the season to be cranky. Yes folks it's that time again. It's time for the lines. The crowds. The fight for the best deals. The annoying holiday commercials. Spreading that holiday consumer cheer.
Back in the day, Christmas was my favorite holiday. I loved putting up decorations with my mom and hanging every ornament on our fake tree. I loved jamming out to Christmas songs by Mariah Carey and N'Sync on my CD player. I loved cutting the tape on my presents when my parents weren't home to see what I was getting before Christmas morning and then re-taping them back. I loved going to the local holiday arts and crafts fair with my mom. I loved the decorations my town put up on all the lamp posts on the streets and the nativity scene the church put out every year. I loved everything about Christmas.
After 8 years of working retail, I have lost my passion for the season. After Halloween, I come down with a bad case of the bah humbugs. Do we really need to put up Christmas trees in the malls before our hangovers from dressing like slutty pirates/nurses/cops/teletubbies are cured?
So what has brought me to this point of total grinch-ification? Besides lack of sleep because of nightmares about my store, Christmas carols that won't get out of my head, and working way too many hours to count, here's just a few more reasons why I am stuck in a retail hell.
Lost. A few weeks ago, a 5 year old girl came up to me in my store with her 3 year old sister. The little girl was almost in tears. She told me she couldn't find her mother. She described what her mother looked like and what she was wearing. I was almost to the point of calling mall security when the little girl spotted her mom in the back of the store. The mom was just shopping away. Picking up stuff, looking for sizes, putting shirts up to herself oblivious to the fact that her little daughters were no longer with her, all the while her 4 year old son ran around the store throwing blotter cards, spraying cologne everywhere, and moving all sale signs from the tables. Really lady? REALLY? Why even have kids if you can't even keep up with them or seem to care when your small children run off? Do you even care that there's child molesters out that would love to take your children? Some people should be punched in the ovaries and never allowed to have children.
And another thing America. If you're going to take your kids shopping, control them! I am not paid extra to babysit nor should I be the one to tell your child not to do something unless you want to pay me. When my mom took me shopping and I was acting up or running away from her, she would threaten me. She would threaten to put one of those child leashes on me. And back then they weren't cute with the little monkey or dog on them, it was an ugly leash. You better believe I stopped and never left my mom's sight after that.
My store is not a trash can. Some people are just so gross. I hate when people leave their Starbucks cups, Pretzel Time napkins, and booger filled tissues behind in my place of work. Do you go around leaving trash all over your house? And do I come to your home or place of work and leave my trash laying around? Didn't think so. It's not so hard to ask if there's a trash can around or to hold it and wait to get back out to the mall where there's a thousand garbage cans positioned everywhere.
My fitting rooms are not bathrooms either. Shit happens. But why the hell would it happen in fitting rooms? I know that fitting rooms are private little spaces with doors that look a little like public restrooms just without the sink and toilet but why the hell would you pee, shit, or leave feminine products behind? I mean, how old are you? Do you have that much of a problem with your parts down there that it can't wait to find a bathroom in the mall? Yes, I understand that sometimes children have this problem, but this has actually happened in my stores and it wasn't children that decided to relieve themselves but none other than grown ass adults. And if you did have a problem with your down there parts or had a child that likes to pee on things, wouldn't you clean up after yourself or your child? Are you that gross and inconsiderate of a person to leave this mess for someone else to have to clean up?
Don't shoot the messenger. Sometimes, retail stores run out of items, especially if it's a popular size or item and if it's the holidays. Don't get mad at me if we don't have it. What do you expect me to do, go to the back where I keep a sweat shop and knit the item up for you? Would you like me to pull it out of my ass? Order it online, bitch!
Also, when I say something is company policy and I can't accommodate or do something for you because it's company policy, don't give me those "I'm about to strangle you" eyes. Some things I wish I could do(like lower the music or turn on more lights in my old store) but if someone from corporate comes in, that's my job on the line, not yours.
Vultures. I understand, America is going through bad times. The economy sucks blah blah blah. Yes, people are out looking for the best bang for their bucks, but don't be a little cheap bitch. I hate when people try to scam to get a better deal, for example when they obviously know the one item they found misplaced in the clearance rack was most definitely on the very front table and they want the clearance price for a brand new item. I also hate when people go directly to the clearance section and pick through every piece of merchandise. Of course I like finding good deals too, but do you really have to mess up the entire clearance section by picking through everything like the merchandise was a dead carcass? On the weekends it looks like a dozen vultures hovering over the clearance tables, with their eyes bulging and talons waiting to rip their prey apart.
Extreme Couponing. I have developed a new annoyance just recently. I hate when I ring up a person, all 127 items, they've swiped their credit card, gotten their signature, receipt in the bag and then, oh wait, they forgot, they have a coupon! REALLY? Wouldn't you think about that while in line at the register? Now I have to either return every single item while the person behind you waits and I re-ring it, or I void the transaction and then re-ring it which I'm still having to scan every single item. Oh, but wait, after I return everything and then re-ring everything again, you see how cheap it is and want to grab more items to your purchase, all the while the person behind you is still waiting and getting annoyed with me because I have no one else to put on another register. America, get your coupons ready, printed out from your computer, or already pulled up on your IPhone before approaching the register. And no, I have no coupons to give you or I would have given them to you, you cheap vulture!
Let me help you find your size. I do want to help you so you'll buy stuff so I can make business for the day, but I also don't want you to mess up my stack that I just fixed by shuffling through trying to find that medium. I'm not just asking you if you need my help, I'm asking you so you won't make a mess of my store. So, yes, your answer is yes you do need help finding a size. And look, there's size stickers, right there, to help even more so you don't have to look at every single tag.
Shopping for others. Many mothers shop for their children and especially during the holidays relatives and friends shop for their loved ones. I understand, shopping for others when they aren't with you can be a bit tricky. I will help customers as much as possible find a gift for their loved ones, but what makes it rather difficult for me is when the customer has no idea what size to buy. I have gotten this many times, "what size would my nephew be?" Okay ma'am, I'm sorry I do not think I know your nephew so if you could be a bit more specific that would be amazing. Or, what I just encountered the other day, customer-"she's about your size." me-"okay so she's like a 0 or 1/2." customer-"no I'm pretty sure she's a 9/10." I'm trying to help you so don't insult me because I've never been, nor will I hopefully ever be, a size 9/10. Or the infamous, "he's 14, what size would that be?" Alright ma'am, seeing how more and more children in America are becoming morbidly obese, he could be an XXL for all I know. If he was average, then I would say a small, but who knows with kids these days and the things they stick in their mouths.
Little Miss Matchy Match. I used to love to match my shirt to my belt to my watch to my shoes etc. etc. etc. But I never matched my sweatpants to my hoodie. It's fine to match a color that's on a hoodie to sweatpants like if the letters on a navy hoodie were grey then get the grey sweatpants, but when a customer wants a pink hoodie and a pink pair of sweatpants, and it has to be the exact same color, I want to vomit. This just reminds me of the late 80's to early 90's when my cousins, brother and I had matching windbreakers. Cool back then, not so cool now. If you're wearing all the same color from your hood to your ankles, you look like a giant crayon. Plus, I bet this matching monstrosity is not just going to be worn at home to lounge around in, it's going to be worn out to dinner, the movies, class, or to shop for more matching fleece ensembles.
To all those holiday shoppers out there, if you possess any of the above characteristics, stay away from my store please unless you want to see me mentally break down. And to all my fellow retail friends, I hope you can relate to this post and send me a message if you have anything else to add on!
I'm usually a really cool, calm and collective person, but I've noticed as I get order, my patience grows thinner and thinner. Hopefully one day sooner than later I will leave this retail hell I have found myself in before I snap. After 8 years of doing the same thing, it's kind of hard to move on and do something else that's out of my comfort zone. After my rant, it might seem like working retail is like me being tourtured, but at times it's not so bad. I do hope and plan to get out of this retail hell soon though, maybe work on the corporate side. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be discovered for the writer I am and hopefully dreamed to be. If you're a publisher, or know a publisher, or know of a really awesome job in the NYC area, help a young single girl out! Get me out of this retail hell!
In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Merry Hanukkah or whatever. Safe shopping and be nice to those retail associates out there! Remember we are humans too!
Back in the day, Christmas was my favorite holiday. I loved putting up decorations with my mom and hanging every ornament on our fake tree. I loved jamming out to Christmas songs by Mariah Carey and N'Sync on my CD player. I loved cutting the tape on my presents when my parents weren't home to see what I was getting before Christmas morning and then re-taping them back. I loved going to the local holiday arts and crafts fair with my mom. I loved the decorations my town put up on all the lamp posts on the streets and the nativity scene the church put out every year. I loved everything about Christmas.
After 8 years of working retail, I have lost my passion for the season. After Halloween, I come down with a bad case of the bah humbugs. Do we really need to put up Christmas trees in the malls before our hangovers from dressing like slutty pirates/nurses/cops/teletubbies are cured?
So what has brought me to this point of total grinch-ification? Besides lack of sleep because of nightmares about my store, Christmas carols that won't get out of my head, and working way too many hours to count, here's just a few more reasons why I am stuck in a retail hell.
Lost. A few weeks ago, a 5 year old girl came up to me in my store with her 3 year old sister. The little girl was almost in tears. She told me she couldn't find her mother. She described what her mother looked like and what she was wearing. I was almost to the point of calling mall security when the little girl spotted her mom in the back of the store. The mom was just shopping away. Picking up stuff, looking for sizes, putting shirts up to herself oblivious to the fact that her little daughters were no longer with her, all the while her 4 year old son ran around the store throwing blotter cards, spraying cologne everywhere, and moving all sale signs from the tables. Really lady? REALLY? Why even have kids if you can't even keep up with them or seem to care when your small children run off? Do you even care that there's child molesters out that would love to take your children? Some people should be punched in the ovaries and never allowed to have children.
And another thing America. If you're going to take your kids shopping, control them! I am not paid extra to babysit nor should I be the one to tell your child not to do something unless you want to pay me. When my mom took me shopping and I was acting up or running away from her, she would threaten me. She would threaten to put one of those child leashes on me. And back then they weren't cute with the little monkey or dog on them, it was an ugly leash. You better believe I stopped and never left my mom's sight after that.
My store is not a trash can. Some people are just so gross. I hate when people leave their Starbucks cups, Pretzel Time napkins, and booger filled tissues behind in my place of work. Do you go around leaving trash all over your house? And do I come to your home or place of work and leave my trash laying around? Didn't think so. It's not so hard to ask if there's a trash can around or to hold it and wait to get back out to the mall where there's a thousand garbage cans positioned everywhere.
My fitting rooms are not bathrooms either. Shit happens. But why the hell would it happen in fitting rooms? I know that fitting rooms are private little spaces with doors that look a little like public restrooms just without the sink and toilet but why the hell would you pee, shit, or leave feminine products behind? I mean, how old are you? Do you have that much of a problem with your parts down there that it can't wait to find a bathroom in the mall? Yes, I understand that sometimes children have this problem, but this has actually happened in my stores and it wasn't children that decided to relieve themselves but none other than grown ass adults. And if you did have a problem with your down there parts or had a child that likes to pee on things, wouldn't you clean up after yourself or your child? Are you that gross and inconsiderate of a person to leave this mess for someone else to have to clean up?
Don't shoot the messenger. Sometimes, retail stores run out of items, especially if it's a popular size or item and if it's the holidays. Don't get mad at me if we don't have it. What do you expect me to do, go to the back where I keep a sweat shop and knit the item up for you? Would you like me to pull it out of my ass? Order it online, bitch!
Also, when I say something is company policy and I can't accommodate or do something for you because it's company policy, don't give me those "I'm about to strangle you" eyes. Some things I wish I could do(like lower the music or turn on more lights in my old store) but if someone from corporate comes in, that's my job on the line, not yours.
Vultures. I understand, America is going through bad times. The economy sucks blah blah blah. Yes, people are out looking for the best bang for their bucks, but don't be a little cheap bitch. I hate when people try to scam to get a better deal, for example when they obviously know the one item they found misplaced in the clearance rack was most definitely on the very front table and they want the clearance price for a brand new item. I also hate when people go directly to the clearance section and pick through every piece of merchandise. Of course I like finding good deals too, but do you really have to mess up the entire clearance section by picking through everything like the merchandise was a dead carcass? On the weekends it looks like a dozen vultures hovering over the clearance tables, with their eyes bulging and talons waiting to rip their prey apart.
Extreme Couponing. I have developed a new annoyance just recently. I hate when I ring up a person, all 127 items, they've swiped their credit card, gotten their signature, receipt in the bag and then, oh wait, they forgot, they have a coupon! REALLY? Wouldn't you think about that while in line at the register? Now I have to either return every single item while the person behind you waits and I re-ring it, or I void the transaction and then re-ring it which I'm still having to scan every single item. Oh, but wait, after I return everything and then re-ring everything again, you see how cheap it is and want to grab more items to your purchase, all the while the person behind you is still waiting and getting annoyed with me because I have no one else to put on another register. America, get your coupons ready, printed out from your computer, or already pulled up on your IPhone before approaching the register. And no, I have no coupons to give you or I would have given them to you, you cheap vulture!
Let me help you find your size. I do want to help you so you'll buy stuff so I can make business for the day, but I also don't want you to mess up my stack that I just fixed by shuffling through trying to find that medium. I'm not just asking you if you need my help, I'm asking you so you won't make a mess of my store. So, yes, your answer is yes you do need help finding a size. And look, there's size stickers, right there, to help even more so you don't have to look at every single tag.
Shopping for others. Many mothers shop for their children and especially during the holidays relatives and friends shop for their loved ones. I understand, shopping for others when they aren't with you can be a bit tricky. I will help customers as much as possible find a gift for their loved ones, but what makes it rather difficult for me is when the customer has no idea what size to buy. I have gotten this many times, "what size would my nephew be?" Okay ma'am, I'm sorry I do not think I know your nephew so if you could be a bit more specific that would be amazing. Or, what I just encountered the other day, customer-"she's about your size." me-"okay so she's like a 0 or 1/2." customer-"no I'm pretty sure she's a 9/10." I'm trying to help you so don't insult me because I've never been, nor will I hopefully ever be, a size 9/10. Or the infamous, "he's 14, what size would that be?" Alright ma'am, seeing how more and more children in America are becoming morbidly obese, he could be an XXL for all I know. If he was average, then I would say a small, but who knows with kids these days and the things they stick in their mouths.
Little Miss Matchy Match. I used to love to match my shirt to my belt to my watch to my shoes etc. etc. etc. But I never matched my sweatpants to my hoodie. It's fine to match a color that's on a hoodie to sweatpants like if the letters on a navy hoodie were grey then get the grey sweatpants, but when a customer wants a pink hoodie and a pink pair of sweatpants, and it has to be the exact same color, I want to vomit. This just reminds me of the late 80's to early 90's when my cousins, brother and I had matching windbreakers. Cool back then, not so cool now. If you're wearing all the same color from your hood to your ankles, you look like a giant crayon. Plus, I bet this matching monstrosity is not just going to be worn at home to lounge around in, it's going to be worn out to dinner, the movies, class, or to shop for more matching fleece ensembles.
To all those holiday shoppers out there, if you possess any of the above characteristics, stay away from my store please unless you want to see me mentally break down. And to all my fellow retail friends, I hope you can relate to this post and send me a message if you have anything else to add on!
I'm usually a really cool, calm and collective person, but I've noticed as I get order, my patience grows thinner and thinner. Hopefully one day sooner than later I will leave this retail hell I have found myself in before I snap. After 8 years of doing the same thing, it's kind of hard to move on and do something else that's out of my comfort zone. After my rant, it might seem like working retail is like me being tourtured, but at times it's not so bad. I do hope and plan to get out of this retail hell soon though, maybe work on the corporate side. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be discovered for the writer I am and hopefully dreamed to be. If you're a publisher, or know a publisher, or know of a really awesome job in the NYC area, help a young single girl out! Get me out of this retail hell!
In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Merry Hanukkah or whatever. Safe shopping and be nice to those retail associates out there! Remember we are humans too!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My 28th Year of Life in Review
I've been meaning to write this blog post for quite sometime, but the real world has been bringing me down and I haven't had time for anything really except for a few baller nights in the city, work, and maybe a few hours for sleep. I wanted to write this post before my 29th birthday, but I am a slight procrastinator and haven't had much inspiration lately. This blog post is all about my 28th year of life. 28 doesn't seem like such an exciting year. 28 is not really milestone in life nor does anything really important happen at 28. But to me, 28 was pretty life changing. 28 was my year of life lessons. My year of quarter +3 year crisis. My year of excitement, adventure, spontaneity, trials, travels, heartache, appreciation, incite, friendship, hardship, inspiration, reflection, independence, fear, strength, change.
My 28th year of life began in the beautiful city of Copenhagen, Denmark. Everyone that knows me knows that I love to travel. I live to travel. Being a writer you'd think I'd write all about my traveling experiences and I really don't know why I haven't gotten around to doing so. In my 28th year of life, traveling was a huge part of it. I loved Copenhagen and thinking back now, I literally miss it. I was basically living there for a month while opening the first AnF store in Denmark. On October 21st, 2010(my birthday), I spent working my ass off with my team getting ready for the Abercrombie Hitler to invade the country of the beautiful and tasty Danish(beautiful being the people, tasty being the pastry). After Copenhagen, it was back to NY, then off to Milan for 2 weeks. Milan wasn't as exciting to me as Denmark or Hawaii because I had been there already, but it still was pretty amazing. I found myself trying to speak Spanish to the Italians as they looked at me like I had two heads. In Denmark, everyone spoke English. In the outskirts of Milan, not so much. This made my job very challenging and sometimes frustrating. But I love the Italians(which I already knew seeing how mostly all the guys I date have some percentage of Italian in them) and want to go back soooooo bad(next time it's going to be Florence, Rome, and Venice).
After my 2 weeks in Italy, it was off to the other side of the world. 27 long hours of flying, watching about 10 movies, waiting in airports, watching my feet swell from sitting too long, reading, and texting everyone once I got back to the states, I had finally arrived to a place of paradise. Aloha! I had made my journey to Hawaii. The day I left Milan, it had been snowing. They had to deice my plane. Now it was time to take off my winter coat and change into my swim suit. But first I needed to sleep and try to figure out what time it was in this new time zone. I was all sorts of screwed up.
February, March, April and May of my 28th year was full of traveling yet again, but this time not to the extent of the Fall. In February it was back to Boston to help a store out for the tour of the AnF Nazi. AnF loved sending me to Boston for some reason. I'm not complaining since I love Boston. After that, it was time for a vacation. It was Vegas time baby! My yearly trip, and still as baller as ever. For Easter weekend, my friend Laura and I took a little get away trip to LA. If I had to move away from NY, I would definitely move to Cali.
The snow had finally cleared the streets of LB. Trust me, it took a while for all that snow to finally melt. Flowers were blooming, neighbors were out walking their dogs, restaurants set up chairs and tables outside. It was finally summer. SUMMER! The season all LBers suffer through the rough winters for was finally here. The summer of my 28th year of life was absolutely unforgettable. It was the best of times, yet it was the worst of times...
My summer was spent down on Indiana beach making new friends and playing with old ones. Downing Twisted Teas or to go Cabana margs. Having random dance parties when we were rained out at the beach. Sunday brunch with iced coffee and a centerpiece of pancakes followed by more beach followed by family dinner and then Sunday Funday with Ricky Roach. The Inn every Friday and Saturday night with my girls wondering, "who the hell are all these out of towners?" From BBQs to block parties, summer romances to heartaches, shakeweights to beach umbrella throwing, surf competitions to hurricanes and boardwalk work outs to emergency rooms. My summer had it all. From Memorial Day to Irish Day, each day was an adventure.
By the end of the summer, I was in a state of depression. I absolutely love the summers here. The end of the summer was an end of other things as well. It was the end of my 8 year relationship with the moose. It was time for me to throw in the towel. It was the end of a summer romance that I believed so much in. After picking myself back up from beating myself down, it was time for some more endings. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I almost lost an ovary over the summer, so what? It's not like I almost lost my liver or some part I really needed. I have two, right? It was an end of me putting my whole self into another person. It was time to put my whole self into the person that should be most important to me, ME. It was time for me to start looking towards my future. It was time for change. After a night at the Inn with the ghost of boyfriends past,(basically every guy I had serial dated with was present) and a slight drunken mental breakdown, it was time for me to take a manbatical. I was done with men. For a while anyway. It was time to start a new job where I felt appreciated and make more money for the hard work I put in. It was time for a new and improved Stella Elizabeth Taylor. And it was time for a trip to Atlantic City.
I gotta say, the quote "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", yeah I believe in that. I feel at the end of my 28th year of life, I'm the strongest I've ever been in these 28 years. I feel after my experiences through my 28th year, I'm way more smarter about things. I look back at some situations in my life and think, WTF was I thinking? Really Stella? REALLY? I'm way more cultured. Way more spontaneous. Way more baller. Totally baller. Way more funnier. Way more mature. Okay, maybe not so much way more mature, maybe a little more(that's what she said). And a little more hotter. Or maybe just grew more self confidence.
So after my 28th year of life, I am a more stronger, intelligent, confident, experienced, cultured, hilariously hot woman. I am happy with the place I am in life, but always hoping and working towards more out of my life. So in my 29th year of life, I hope it's even more baller but maybe not so challenging as my 28th. So far, so good :) Who knows what my life will throw at me this year.
Other things that happened in my 28th year of life:
-I lost my Blackberry on New Years. I finally upgraded to the amazing IPhone thanks to my lovely parents.
-Found out my bestest is pregnant with twins! So excited to be an aunt but feeling so old!
-Made way too many new friends that I can't even count.
-Experienced my 4th hurricane and wasn't even in Florida for it.
-Know the feeling and confusion of medical bills and have a cool scar to prove it.
-Went to my first surf and skateboarding competitions.
-Went to four different foreign countries.
-Ran into the ocean in February.
-Had a visit from my brother.
-Got my 3rd black eye from a run on the boardwalk.
-Made up a hand full of new dance moves.
-Became a real New Yorker(on my ID anyway).
-Got a new addition to the family named Bully
My 28th year of life began in the beautiful city of Copenhagen, Denmark. Everyone that knows me knows that I love to travel. I live to travel. Being a writer you'd think I'd write all about my traveling experiences and I really don't know why I haven't gotten around to doing so. In my 28th year of life, traveling was a huge part of it. I loved Copenhagen and thinking back now, I literally miss it. I was basically living there for a month while opening the first AnF store in Denmark. On October 21st, 2010(my birthday), I spent working my ass off with my team getting ready for the Abercrombie Hitler to invade the country of the beautiful and tasty Danish(beautiful being the people, tasty being the pastry). After Copenhagen, it was back to NY, then off to Milan for 2 weeks. Milan wasn't as exciting to me as Denmark or Hawaii because I had been there already, but it still was pretty amazing. I found myself trying to speak Spanish to the Italians as they looked at me like I had two heads. In Denmark, everyone spoke English. In the outskirts of Milan, not so much. This made my job very challenging and sometimes frustrating. But I love the Italians(which I already knew seeing how mostly all the guys I date have some percentage of Italian in them) and want to go back soooooo bad(next time it's going to be Florence, Rome, and Venice).
In my 28th year of life, I got to see so much I had never seen before. Copenhagen, Milan, and Honolulu were amazingly beautiful all in different ways, experiencing each place with different people and I have the best memories of it all. Although it was all for work and the work load was sometimes overwhelming and the stress would at times bring me to tears, I was blessed to be able to experience these places and meet these awesome people.
After my travels ended, it was off to Florida for Christmas. I loved that I didn't have to work on Christmas this year and got to spend an entire week with my family. After flying back to NY, it was back to working at Shit Haven Mall. One of the busiest days of the year for shopping just so happened to be the biggest blizzard of the year. Being from Florida and not knowing snow that well at all, I thought for sure my muscle car Mustang could speed straight through the mounds of snow and ice on my 60 mile drive back to Long Beach. I didn't even make it through my first stop light. This continued the rest of January since the snow continued on a weekly basis. I was beginning to think my Sunny wouldn't make it through the winter. After a short road trip to North Carolina and back, I had a new SUV friend named Mitzy. I'll hopefully never get stuck in the snow again!
My summer was spent down on Indiana beach making new friends and playing with old ones. Downing Twisted Teas or to go Cabana margs. Having random dance parties when we were rained out at the beach. Sunday brunch with iced coffee and a centerpiece of pancakes followed by more beach followed by family dinner and then Sunday Funday with Ricky Roach. The Inn every Friday and Saturday night with my girls wondering, "who the hell are all these out of towners?" From BBQs to block parties, summer romances to heartaches, shakeweights to beach umbrella throwing, surf competitions to hurricanes and boardwalk work outs to emergency rooms. My summer had it all. From Memorial Day to Irish Day, each day was an adventure.
I gotta say, the quote "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", yeah I believe in that. I feel at the end of my 28th year of life, I'm the strongest I've ever been in these 28 years. I feel after my experiences through my 28th year, I'm way more smarter about things. I look back at some situations in my life and think, WTF was I thinking? Really Stella? REALLY? I'm way more cultured. Way more spontaneous. Way more baller. Totally baller. Way more funnier. Way more mature. Okay, maybe not so much way more mature, maybe a little more(that's what she said). And a little more hotter. Or maybe just grew more self confidence.
So after my 28th year of life, I am a more stronger, intelligent, confident, experienced, cultured, hilariously hot woman. I am happy with the place I am in life, but always hoping and working towards more out of my life. So in my 29th year of life, I hope it's even more baller but maybe not so challenging as my 28th. So far, so good :) Who knows what my life will throw at me this year.
Other things that happened in my 28th year of life:
-I lost my Blackberry on New Years. I finally upgraded to the amazing IPhone thanks to my lovely parents.
-Found out my bestest is pregnant with twins! So excited to be an aunt but feeling so old!
-Made way too many new friends that I can't even count.
-Experienced my 4th hurricane and wasn't even in Florida for it.
-Know the feeling and confusion of medical bills and have a cool scar to prove it.
-Went to my first surf and skateboarding competitions.
-Went to four different foreign countries.
-Ran into the ocean in February.
-Had a visit from my brother.
-Got my 3rd black eye from a run on the boardwalk.
-Made up a hand full of new dance moves.
-Became a real New Yorker(on my ID anyway).
-Got a new addition to the family named Bully
Monday, October 10, 2011
Seeing Red
Warning signs, red flags. Every failed relationship or potential relationship has them. Signs that something just isn't right. Red flags that he's not the guy for you. Warning signs that tell you things just aren't going to work out. You know you see them, but you just don't want to come to terms that something that has been going so well is about to plummet and crumble right beneath you. Or maybe you don't even see the signs until one of your friends slaps you back to reality and you finally see the big red flag waving in the air. After being a serial dater like me, you begin to see these signs of failure all too much. Being a risk taker, I usually ignore these signs, thinking that maybe it will be different this time, maybe I'm just used to seeing these signs over and over, that it's all in my head and that I'm imagining it all. But when it's all said and done, I look back at all the signs I just decided to ignore because I tried to be optimistic, and slam my head into the wall as I yell to myself, "STUPID STUPID STUPID!" So, to save other people like me from getting headaches, I decided to let you in on a few of these red flags and warning signs that this professional single girl has noticed in the dating world. After seeing these red flags, this is when it's time to say, "peace out boy scout".
Besties with the Exies. Okay so yeah I'm still friends with a few of my exes. I still talk to them from time to time through facebook or email or talk to them if I see them. I think it's healthy to be friendly and stay in contact. Exes can be a big part of our lives. We learn from the experiences that we had with them and probably have some of the best(or maybe worst) memories with them. But if your potential beau is still talking to his ex on a daily basis, fb liking it up on their page, hanging out or says he's still close and maybe even best friends with his ex, this is a major red flag. I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with his ex, but if he's still in the habit of talking to her all the time, this is a big sign that he's not over her, especially if she was the one that ended it. Trust me on this, I couldn't tell you how many times I've had a guy stop talking to me and come to find out he's suddenly back with his ex. And once this ex finds out he's got a new girl in his life, this is when the bestie exie goes crazy. She just wants to be friends until she sees someone try and take the property she once used to own. That's when the crazy girl ex comes out and his phone blows up, doors get beaten on, and you're all of a sudden called a slut for just speaking his name.
You ain't playing basketball so don't be the rebound. If he just broke up with his girlfriend, be on guard. If she broke his heart, he's probably looking for someone to take his mind off of her, and that person could be you. Don't be that girl, his "rebound". I think that after a break up, a person needs to be single for a while. They should never rush into another relationship. A person's mind needs time to process, time to heal, even if they were the dumper. At the end of a relationship, people need time to breathe, have fun with their friends, and to just be single. If he mentions he was just in a relationship, put that wall up and don't let it down until you're sure he's totally ready to be back in a relationship.
No exes in sight. You stalked his facebook, 0 pictures of him with a consistent girl but about a thousand of him with many different girls. You asked around, no one has ever seen him with one girl for a long period of time. He's never mentioned a thing about an ex, even when you say something about yours. Let's face it, this guy is either gay, a ten year old or never had a girlfriend. I mean come on, what late 20s, early 30s guy has never had a girlfriend? Answer: he's either in line to be the next 40 year old virgin or a major player. He's got a commitment phobia and you think you can break this fear of his. Of course you can, along with the 20 other girls he's dating. Good luck with that!
No relationship in sight. You've been dating this guy for 2 months now. You act like a couple, look like a couple, feel like a couple, but not a couple. Three months, still haven't had the elusive "what are we?" talk. Four months into dating, not a damn thing. You're scared of having the talk because you're scared he might say he doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if he does say that and you want something more, find it somewhere else. Listen to him if he says he just wants to be friends or doesn't want anything serious right now. You can't just change the way he feels just because you want something more. And if he's not committing to you by at the very latest 6 months of consistent dating, talking, acting and playing the part of a couple, then it's probably not going to happen. At that point it's either shit or get off the damn pot. It usually takes a person about a month or 2 of dating to figure out if they want to be committed to that person or not(hence why my so called relationships usually end just before the 2 month mark).
Too much work, not enough you. To be successful, you gotta work at it. Of course you wanna date a successful, hard working man. But if he's blowing off dates, forgetting he made plans with you or just not even making time to hang out, he's probably not really that into you. If he wants to be with you and really wants to see you, he will make time for you. I know people can get extremely busy and work can consume most of a person's life, but if he cares about you and really wants something serious with you, he will figure out how to time manage and fit you into his busy schedule. If he can't, then you gotta think do you really wanna be with a guy like that in the long run? Always at work, missing out on the birth of your first child, soccer games, graduation, growing old together? Yeah, no.
Too much shit on his plate. He's still finishing up his degree in school. He's still looking for or just starting a new job. He's trying to pay off all his bills and save up to start paying for those student loans he's about to get thrown his way. His roommates are his mom and dad. He's still trying to figure out his life. How is he supposed to settle down and get serious with you when he's gotta sneak you in and out of his basement room so his "roommates" don't get mad for having a girl stay over? I once read in Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man (I know I've posted about this before but I'm doing it again because it has really stuck with me) that a guy can't focus on being serious with a woman unless he's got job stability, making money and can provide for his future. Until he has this ladies, you can forget about trying to get him to buy you that diamond you've already got picked out(K-Mart does have lay away you know).
Mr. Popular. Having a lot of friends isn't a bad thing. But a guy you want to get serious with having a lot of friends that are girls can be a little suspicious. I would say this is a small red flag and to keep your guard. Yes, guys can be good friends with girls most of the time, but if you see girls commenting on his fb all the time, he receives multiple text messages over a romantic dinner, or his girlfriends give you dirty looks while you're out with him, be aware and guarded. This is a sign of a player and you don't wanna get played. I'm not saying all guys that have many girls that are friends are players, but keep your eyes open!
1-800-BOOTY-CALL. He calls and texts you, only it's at 2:30am. You hang out with him, but only after a heavy night of drinking. He takes you out to dinner, but it's at the local diner after the bars are closed. You've met his friends and roommates, but only in the morning when you're walking out of his room and they happen to be in the living room as you are obviously doing the walk of shame still wearing the dress from the night before and looking for your other shoe you somehow managed to lose(look under the couch!). I'm sorry to say but your relationship with this guy is not going anywhere. You, my friend, are nothing but a booty call. Can you honestly say you or someone you know started having a serious relationship after being just a friend with benefits? Maybe in the movie world with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, but that's just not realistic in the real world.
You're not in it to win it. Not all signs that things aren't going to work out are from him. Sometimes these signs are from you. If you're in the first month of dating and notice things about him annoy you, you don't feel excited when he calls you, you feel something missing, you just don't feel those butterflies, don't string him along into thinking there's something there when you're just not feeling it. Maybe he's a great guy and you really want to keep dating him because maybe one day you'll get that feeling about him. After dating for about a month or 2(like I said, 1 to 2 months is all it usually takes to figure out if you really wanna be with someone or not), it's just not going to happen. Butterflies usually happen in the beginning and if you're still not feeling them, they probably aren't going to fly around for him.
These are just a few of the red flags I usually notice and more often than not decide to ignore when it comes to dating. There's plenty more out there, and I might add more if my crazy mind pops more up. Like I've said in the past, I am by no means a professional when it comes to this whole dating thing, but I'm pretty damn close! Take it from this professional single girl, or just find these red flags for yourself.
Besties with the Exies. Okay so yeah I'm still friends with a few of my exes. I still talk to them from time to time through facebook or email or talk to them if I see them. I think it's healthy to be friendly and stay in contact. Exes can be a big part of our lives. We learn from the experiences that we had with them and probably have some of the best(or maybe worst) memories with them. But if your potential beau is still talking to his ex on a daily basis, fb liking it up on their page, hanging out or says he's still close and maybe even best friends with his ex, this is a major red flag. I'm not saying a guy can't be friends with his ex, but if he's still in the habit of talking to her all the time, this is a big sign that he's not over her, especially if she was the one that ended it. Trust me on this, I couldn't tell you how many times I've had a guy stop talking to me and come to find out he's suddenly back with his ex. And once this ex finds out he's got a new girl in his life, this is when the bestie exie goes crazy. She just wants to be friends until she sees someone try and take the property she once used to own. That's when the crazy girl ex comes out and his phone blows up, doors get beaten on, and you're all of a sudden called a slut for just speaking his name.
You ain't playing basketball so don't be the rebound. If he just broke up with his girlfriend, be on guard. If she broke his heart, he's probably looking for someone to take his mind off of her, and that person could be you. Don't be that girl, his "rebound". I think that after a break up, a person needs to be single for a while. They should never rush into another relationship. A person's mind needs time to process, time to heal, even if they were the dumper. At the end of a relationship, people need time to breathe, have fun with their friends, and to just be single. If he mentions he was just in a relationship, put that wall up and don't let it down until you're sure he's totally ready to be back in a relationship.
No exes in sight. You stalked his facebook, 0 pictures of him with a consistent girl but about a thousand of him with many different girls. You asked around, no one has ever seen him with one girl for a long period of time. He's never mentioned a thing about an ex, even when you say something about yours. Let's face it, this guy is either gay, a ten year old or never had a girlfriend. I mean come on, what late 20s, early 30s guy has never had a girlfriend? Answer: he's either in line to be the next 40 year old virgin or a major player. He's got a commitment phobia and you think you can break this fear of his. Of course you can, along with the 20 other girls he's dating. Good luck with that!
No relationship in sight. You've been dating this guy for 2 months now. You act like a couple, look like a couple, feel like a couple, but not a couple. Three months, still haven't had the elusive "what are we?" talk. Four months into dating, not a damn thing. You're scared of having the talk because you're scared he might say he doesn't want to be in a relationship. And if he does say that and you want something more, find it somewhere else. Listen to him if he says he just wants to be friends or doesn't want anything serious right now. You can't just change the way he feels just because you want something more. And if he's not committing to you by at the very latest 6 months of consistent dating, talking, acting and playing the part of a couple, then it's probably not going to happen. At that point it's either shit or get off the damn pot. It usually takes a person about a month or 2 of dating to figure out if they want to be committed to that person or not(hence why my so called relationships usually end just before the 2 month mark).
Too much work, not enough you. To be successful, you gotta work at it. Of course you wanna date a successful, hard working man. But if he's blowing off dates, forgetting he made plans with you or just not even making time to hang out, he's probably not really that into you. If he wants to be with you and really wants to see you, he will make time for you. I know people can get extremely busy and work can consume most of a person's life, but if he cares about you and really wants something serious with you, he will figure out how to time manage and fit you into his busy schedule. If he can't, then you gotta think do you really wanna be with a guy like that in the long run? Always at work, missing out on the birth of your first child, soccer games, graduation, growing old together? Yeah, no.
Too much shit on his plate. He's still finishing up his degree in school. He's still looking for or just starting a new job. He's trying to pay off all his bills and save up to start paying for those student loans he's about to get thrown his way. His roommates are his mom and dad. He's still trying to figure out his life. How is he supposed to settle down and get serious with you when he's gotta sneak you in and out of his basement room so his "roommates" don't get mad for having a girl stay over? I once read in Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man (I know I've posted about this before but I'm doing it again because it has really stuck with me) that a guy can't focus on being serious with a woman unless he's got job stability, making money and can provide for his future. Until he has this ladies, you can forget about trying to get him to buy you that diamond you've already got picked out(K-Mart does have lay away you know).
Mr. Popular. Having a lot of friends isn't a bad thing. But a guy you want to get serious with having a lot of friends that are girls can be a little suspicious. I would say this is a small red flag and to keep your guard. Yes, guys can be good friends with girls most of the time, but if you see girls commenting on his fb all the time, he receives multiple text messages over a romantic dinner, or his girlfriends give you dirty looks while you're out with him, be aware and guarded. This is a sign of a player and you don't wanna get played. I'm not saying all guys that have many girls that are friends are players, but keep your eyes open!
1-800-BOOTY-CALL. He calls and texts you, only it's at 2:30am. You hang out with him, but only after a heavy night of drinking. He takes you out to dinner, but it's at the local diner after the bars are closed. You've met his friends and roommates, but only in the morning when you're walking out of his room and they happen to be in the living room as you are obviously doing the walk of shame still wearing the dress from the night before and looking for your other shoe you somehow managed to lose(look under the couch!). I'm sorry to say but your relationship with this guy is not going anywhere. You, my friend, are nothing but a booty call. Can you honestly say you or someone you know started having a serious relationship after being just a friend with benefits? Maybe in the movie world with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, but that's just not realistic in the real world.
You're not in it to win it. Not all signs that things aren't going to work out are from him. Sometimes these signs are from you. If you're in the first month of dating and notice things about him annoy you, you don't feel excited when he calls you, you feel something missing, you just don't feel those butterflies, don't string him along into thinking there's something there when you're just not feeling it. Maybe he's a great guy and you really want to keep dating him because maybe one day you'll get that feeling about him. After dating for about a month or 2(like I said, 1 to 2 months is all it usually takes to figure out if you really wanna be with someone or not), it's just not going to happen. Butterflies usually happen in the beginning and if you're still not feeling them, they probably aren't going to fly around for him.
These are just a few of the red flags I usually notice and more often than not decide to ignore when it comes to dating. There's plenty more out there, and I might add more if my crazy mind pops more up. Like I've said in the past, I am by no means a professional when it comes to this whole dating thing, but I'm pretty damn close! Take it from this professional single girl, or just find these red flags for yourself.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Getting Jerseyfied
Tomorrow my friend Sammy and I will be embarking on a journey of a lifetime. Okay, maybe not a journey of a lifetime, but it's gonna be an epic weekend. We will be leaving LB behind and taking a little 3 hour road trip filled with me making every single song into a country song, fist pumping through the sun-roof, holding our breath once we exit the bridge from Staten Island(because it smells like shit), a mini stop at the Shore house, and a couple of gas and bathroom stops(where we won't be pumping our own gas. We don't pump gas, we pump fists!) That's right folks, Sammy is going back to her motherland and I'm going back to the state that I labeled the armpit of the U.S. We are going to dirty Jersey.
But not anywhere in Jersey. We are going to Atlantic City. I can actually say I like this city in Jersey. Me being a Vegas lover, AC is like a mini Vegas. I've only been here once when I was doing a rehab for an HCo in the area. I would work until 11 and my work friend and I would play blackjack until around 6am, take a nap and go back to work. This time I actually get to experience all that AC has to offer. We are staying at Harrah's and will be partaking in a celebration pool party with none other than Jersey's finest, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.
Being unemployed at the moment, I've been laying in bed all day thinking of what I need to do to get ready for this trip. What do I need to do to get Jerseylicious? I started making a list of to do's I thought I would share.
GTL. This is just a given. You gotta GTL it. But instead of G, I'm gonna get my fitness on by running on the boardwalk. It's too nice outside to be stuck inside of a gym. Plus, I don't have a gym membership yet. And you can't go to Jersey looking like a ghost, you gotta look a little like an oompa loompa.
Slut Gear. I cleaned out my closet last week and found some of my old Vegas dresses. I found one that I never wore, still with the tag on it. Why didn't I wear this dress, it's pretty frickin' cute. I tried it on yesterday and found out why. It's just too long. Yeah you can't be invited to a VIP table popping bottles wearing a dress you might could wear to church. Being a pretty crafty person, I have decided I'm gonna cut at least 5 inches off. Enough to show off the legs but not too much to where if I decide to try to fit in with the locals and do the Jersey Turnpike my goods won't come peeping out.
New Moves. last Thursday after happy hour, I decided to come up with some cool new dance moves to bring with me to Jersey. These guidos aren't gonna know what hit them! Jersey Turnpike ain't got nothing on the Cat(which turns into the Puma and then the Cougar, but don't bring out the Leopard unless you know what you're getting into), the Back Slap, and the Robot Fist Pump. You folks have no idea what I'm talking about, but I plan on demonstrating on my new camera on the road trip there. Stay tuned. It's gonna be the next new hotness of 2011. Everyone will be doing them in the clubs. To prepare these moves to be Jersey ready, I gotta practice. Practice makes perfect!
BJ Ready. I LOVE me some BJ. Alright pervs, get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about Blackjack. I gotta get my mind ready and get back in the zone. I will be downloading the Blackjack app for my new IPhone and preparing to make some money. Do they have a Craps app out there? I'm scared to google for what might pop up.
Hair Essentials. Sometimes I like to make my hair a little longer than it is. And going to AC, it's a must that I put my hair in. My hair though needs a bit of maintenance. It needs to be washed and re-sewn or re-glued. Maybe I should also look for my Bump-It too while I'm thinking about it.
Research. Sammy has done much research for this weekend getaway. She found out about the Snooki pool party, found out Enrigue and Pit Bull will be in town, and got our Harrah room comped. She's done a good job, although she did send me the gay/lesbian pool party fb invite that I RSVPed yes to by mistake(yeah thanks for that Sammy). I want to do some research of my own. Not only do I want to check out the nightlife of AC, but I also want to check out the day life. From my last trip to AC, I remember there was some historical elephant that I didn't get to see. I want to visit this elephant as well as see the boardwalk amongst other things I might want to experience. Being Thursday(Jersday), I will also be researching the guids of Jersey by tuning into the reality of the Jersey Shore. I'm sure I'll learn a lot.
So it looks like I got a lot to do today. Why the hell am I still here, laying in bed writing about it? It's time to get my ass up and get shit done. Time to get Jerseyfied!
But not anywhere in Jersey. We are going to Atlantic City. I can actually say I like this city in Jersey. Me being a Vegas lover, AC is like a mini Vegas. I've only been here once when I was doing a rehab for an HCo in the area. I would work until 11 and my work friend and I would play blackjack until around 6am, take a nap and go back to work. This time I actually get to experience all that AC has to offer. We are staying at Harrah's and will be partaking in a celebration pool party with none other than Jersey's finest, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.
Being unemployed at the moment, I've been laying in bed all day thinking of what I need to do to get ready for this trip. What do I need to do to get Jerseylicious? I started making a list of to do's I thought I would share.
GTL. This is just a given. You gotta GTL it. But instead of G, I'm gonna get my fitness on by running on the boardwalk. It's too nice outside to be stuck inside of a gym. Plus, I don't have a gym membership yet. And you can't go to Jersey looking like a ghost, you gotta look a little like an oompa loompa.
Slut Gear. I cleaned out my closet last week and found some of my old Vegas dresses. I found one that I never wore, still with the tag on it. Why didn't I wear this dress, it's pretty frickin' cute. I tried it on yesterday and found out why. It's just too long. Yeah you can't be invited to a VIP table popping bottles wearing a dress you might could wear to church. Being a pretty crafty person, I have decided I'm gonna cut at least 5 inches off. Enough to show off the legs but not too much to where if I decide to try to fit in with the locals and do the Jersey Turnpike my goods won't come peeping out.
New Moves. last Thursday after happy hour, I decided to come up with some cool new dance moves to bring with me to Jersey. These guidos aren't gonna know what hit them! Jersey Turnpike ain't got nothing on the Cat(which turns into the Puma and then the Cougar, but don't bring out the Leopard unless you know what you're getting into), the Back Slap, and the Robot Fist Pump. You folks have no idea what I'm talking about, but I plan on demonstrating on my new camera on the road trip there. Stay tuned. It's gonna be the next new hotness of 2011. Everyone will be doing them in the clubs. To prepare these moves to be Jersey ready, I gotta practice. Practice makes perfect!
BJ Ready. I LOVE me some BJ. Alright pervs, get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about Blackjack. I gotta get my mind ready and get back in the zone. I will be downloading the Blackjack app for my new IPhone and preparing to make some money. Do they have a Craps app out there? I'm scared to google for what might pop up.
Hair Essentials. Sometimes I like to make my hair a little longer than it is. And going to AC, it's a must that I put my hair in. My hair though needs a bit of maintenance. It needs to be washed and re-sewn or re-glued. Maybe I should also look for my Bump-It too while I'm thinking about it.
Research. Sammy has done much research for this weekend getaway. She found out about the Snooki pool party, found out Enrigue and Pit Bull will be in town, and got our Harrah room comped. She's done a good job, although she did send me the gay/lesbian pool party fb invite that I RSVPed yes to by mistake(yeah thanks for that Sammy). I want to do some research of my own. Not only do I want to check out the nightlife of AC, but I also want to check out the day life. From my last trip to AC, I remember there was some historical elephant that I didn't get to see. I want to visit this elephant as well as see the boardwalk amongst other things I might want to experience. Being Thursday(Jersday), I will also be researching the guids of Jersey by tuning into the reality of the Jersey Shore. I'm sure I'll learn a lot.
So it looks like I got a lot to do today. Why the hell am I still here, laying in bed writing about it? It's time to get my ass up and get shit done. Time to get Jerseyfied!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Cuz Breaking Up is Hard to Do
It's not you, it's me. I'm seeing someone else. I think we should see other people. Can we just be friends? This just isn't right. This isn't working for me. I'm not in love with you anymore. We're at different points in our lives. We're drifting apart. I don't see a future for us. I'm just not that into you. I have too much on my plate. I can't be in a relationship right now.
What ever the reason, being dumped never feels good. Seriously, have you ever jumped for joy, toasted a glass of wine to your girls, did a little victory dance, or raised the roof after being dumped(all the while in your snuggie)? Didn't think so. Being dumped is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Having that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted anymore. That feeling of your heart being trampled by a million horses, dread of moving on, denial of it ever happening. The feeling of losing someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. Losing someone you put your whole heart into. It just really sucks.
I'm no expert on this whole breaking up or even dating thing. Yes, of course I've had my fair share of being dumped and being the dumper, and neither warms my heart. The last time I was dumped, or in a relationship at that, was over 2 years ago, but I've had enough faux break ups with faux beaux to feel those feelings of rejection, dread, and all the crazy girl thoughts that go through our minds. Face it, it's over and there's not a damn thing you can do or say to change it. The only thing that's going to heal you completely and mend that broken heart of yours is time. Time heals all wounds. But time can be a bitch, especially when you don't possess patience. So in the mean time of healing your broken heart, here's a few pieces of advice from this single girl of what to do after being thrown in the trash.
Lock yourself up. After being dumped, you're going to go through a thing called denial. You're not going to believe that this just happened. You need to take some time to yourself to come to the realization that this really just did happen. No matter what your friends tell you and how much they try pulling you out of the house, lock yourself in your room. Take a personal day. You just got your heart smashed. You need some time to swallow this, to process what just happened and to mourn by yourself. Some might say you need to be around your friends and things that make you happy. This might be true, but at the end of the day when you come home by yourself, laying in your bed by yourself, those sad feelings are still going to hit. Take a couple of days to yourself to get all your shitty feelings out. Cry until you pass out. Kick and scream in your bed. Throw a pillow across the room(not your phone because then you're just left with a broken heart and a broken phone). Drink a bottle of wine. Eat some Ben and Jerry's. Listen to some Adele and Celine Dion. Watch He's Just Not That Into You a million times over. Do whatever you have to do to get these sad feelings out, anything but call, text, email or social network your ex.
Get pretty. Okay, enough with the being alone shit. Get the hell out of bed, unlock your door, wash your tear stained red face, wash your greasy ass hair, and for God's sake eat something healthy. It's time to put some concealer under those eyes, put the hair extensions in, strap on those black pumps, fasten on your bombshell bra, and put the slut gear on. No, you're not getting all dolled up to find a new beau, you are getting pretty for you. When you look like shit, you feel like shit. When you look good, you feel good. Feeling pretty might not solve all your problems right now, but it's a start. And at least you look good on the outside while you feel broken on the inside.
Get wasted. Now that you're ready to get out of the house, go out. Get out of there! Call up your girls and have some fun. Go crazy. Get totally inebriated. Yeah I said it. Get wasted to the point that you don't know your name. You just got dumped. You're crushed. Your heart is in a million little pieces right now. You need a night with your girls. So go dance on top of the bar, take the shots from the guys across the bar, flirt with the guys from across the bar(just don't go home with the guys from across the bar), fist pump until your arms fall off. Put the life back into your zombie self. While you're getting sloshed though, make sure you don't drunken text or call the ex. Give your phone to a trustworthy friend that wouldn't give you back your phone if your life depended on it(unless you really have to call 911. In that case, you really should stop drinking). Don't get your phone back until you're hangover is gone, because you know you're still going to be drunk when you wake up.
Don't go there. When you do finally make it out of your mourning cocoon, don't go where ever he's going. Trust me, it's going to be hard at first to see him without you, especially if he dumped you for someone else. You can't just walk up and give him a kiss anymore. Hold his hand, touch him, dance with him, call him baby, talk to him the same way you used to back when you thought everything was going perfect. So, if you know that he's going somewhere, don't go there. Delete him from Foursquare(or let him delete you.) If you see him, politely say hi and go about your day. When liquor is involved and you see him dancing or talking to someone else, don't let your crazy girl voice inside come out. Leave and go somewhere else. Especially if you've decided to still be friends or if the break up was completely based on bad timing. If your crazy girl voice comes out, you may as well defriend him on facebook or forget about getting back with him when the timing is right. It might be hard leaving a place that you love, but the fun follows you, right?
Talk it out. When you tell your friends that you just got dumped, the first question out of their mouths are, "Oh no, what happened?" When it first happens, it might be hard to even say your ex's name let alone try and explain the hurtful words that were just delivered to you. It's okay. You don't have to be all smiles and giggles with your friends. They will understand if you can't talk to them right away. When the time is right and you're in the right mind, talk to them. Don't keep your hurt inside for you to take care of by yourself. Let it all out. Analyze it. Call your ex a douchebag. Call his new girl a skank. Just pour it all out to them. That's what friends are for.
Don't keep talking. So maybe you and the ex have decided to just be friends. Friends talk and hang out, right? Being friends with your ex is a really good thing, but right after the break up this can be totally hard. You're used to talking to him everyday, being in the habit of calling him on your way home from work. Or maybe you had a specific date night that was your day to spend together and grab dinner. Don't stick with this routine. You'll start to feel as nothing happened, like you're still with and committed to him. It gives you false hope. Hope that maybe he has changed his mind. That things can actually work themselves out. Face it, he dumped you for a reason. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have just woken up one day and thought, "hey, you know what? I think I might break up with my girlfriend today!" Either he wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling the same way, he isn't in the same place as you at this time, whatever the reason, there's still that reason of why he did it. Just having that break up conversation is nerve racking enough, why would he go through with it if he wasn't 100% sure? The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is an amazing statement. If he's still there talking and hanging out with you, how the hell are you going to get him out of your head? You're not and this is just going to make things worse for you down the road.
Get the hell out of here. If you have the vacation days, or the time just to take a weekend getaway, then get the hell out of dodge, especially if your ex is still around. Round up the girls and take a road trip to AC. Plan a tropical vacation, or just go out in another city but your own. Do something different from the norm. You lost the one you loved(or saw yourself loving one day). That's kind of a tramatic experience. Take a break, get out, relax, and do something for you this time.
Friends. When you've dated someone for so long and have made the same group of friends along the way or you met your ex through mutual friends, it makes the break up that much harder. Your ex dumped you, your friends didn't and you can't just stop being friends with them but it's hard to hang out with your friends with your ex still lingering around. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If it's getting too hard for you to handle with him around, let them know. Like I said, time heals all, and maybe in the beginning it's hard to be around him and your friends, but if you take a time out, hang out with other friends while you're healing or go out with your friends when he's not around, it will give you the chance to have time to get back to your normal self.
Manbatical. Take a break from guys for a while. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. Yeah, I know when it's on to the next one it gets your mind off of him, but don't do it until you are completely over your ex. If you move on before you're ready, you're faced with the risk of the relationship not working out because you compare everything about your new boy to your ex. If you're just trying to get back at your ex or make him jealous, you're getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and that's not fair to this dude who may really have true feelings for you. And if you rush into something when you're not over your last guy and this new relationship doesn't end up working out, then you're just left with two broken hearts(which is not anatomically possible, unless you're some kind of freak. But for real, you're going to get hurt even worse). You've spent the last however long being a couple and thinking of that one person. It's time to focus on you. Eat whatever you want. Go see whatever movie you want. Do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to just do you and not have to worry about anyone else.
Hit the gym. So now that you're out of bed and done with throwing yourself pity parties, it's time to get some energy back in you. Working out gives you endorphines,right? Endorphines make you happy(God I sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but you smell what I'm stepping in.) Working out makes you look good and feel even better. I know running helps get my thoughts in order and clears my head. Not a runner? Try yoga or pilates. Maybe a spinning class. Get your frustrations out with kickboxing. Hit up your local gym. Some hottie-bo-botties are always hanging around the gym. Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet, but it's nice to have some eye candy around. And maybe when you are ready to move on, one of those hotties will be just what you need in your life.
Memories. Hearing your song on the radio. Watching a television show you watched together. Going to a restaurant he loved. Seeing a friend of his. Smelling a riff of his cologne. Looking at a picture from the good times. After a break up, you're like a ticking time bomb with water works ready to come pouring out of you at any second. Nobody can take these feelings and memories away. Not nobody. Not no how. In the beginning stages of coping with a break up, try avoiding these things. These senses, whether it be sound, sight, smell or whatever will bring you right back to those memories of him. You're trying to get him off your mind, not take your mind right back to him. Walk a different way home so you don't pass that deli you guys used to eat at. Turn the station to the radio when your song comes on. Stop looking at his facebook. I know his profile is the first thing that comes up when you type that first letter in your search bar, but don't do it. Some things you just can't avoid, but avoid the avoidable until you're cured from him. And the things you loved doing or seeing that reminds you of him? Slowly ease back into those things. You'll notice walking by that deli and hearing that song is a lot easier to do after some time away.
You can pick up what I'm throwing down or just leave it there. Do what you want with it. I'm no psychologist or expert at this whole relationship thing, I'm just an aspiring wannabe writer who's almost 29 and still single, so what do I know? I have been there, done that, seen it, and heard it all. Don't blame me if my advice doesn't work for you, but I'll tell you this, I wish I would have picked up what I just put down.
What ever the reason, being dumped never feels good. Seriously, have you ever jumped for joy, toasted a glass of wine to your girls, did a little victory dance, or raised the roof after being dumped(all the while in your snuggie)? Didn't think so. Being dumped is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Having that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted anymore. That feeling of your heart being trampled by a million horses, dread of moving on, denial of it ever happening. The feeling of losing someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. Losing someone you put your whole heart into. It just really sucks.
I'm no expert on this whole breaking up or even dating thing. Yes, of course I've had my fair share of being dumped and being the dumper, and neither warms my heart. The last time I was dumped, or in a relationship at that, was over 2 years ago, but I've had enough faux break ups with faux beaux to feel those feelings of rejection, dread, and all the crazy girl thoughts that go through our minds. Face it, it's over and there's not a damn thing you can do or say to change it. The only thing that's going to heal you completely and mend that broken heart of yours is time. Time heals all wounds. But time can be a bitch, especially when you don't possess patience. So in the mean time of healing your broken heart, here's a few pieces of advice from this single girl of what to do after being thrown in the trash.
Lock yourself up. After being dumped, you're going to go through a thing called denial. You're not going to believe that this just happened. You need to take some time to yourself to come to the realization that this really just did happen. No matter what your friends tell you and how much they try pulling you out of the house, lock yourself in your room. Take a personal day. You just got your heart smashed. You need some time to swallow this, to process what just happened and to mourn by yourself. Some might say you need to be around your friends and things that make you happy. This might be true, but at the end of the day when you come home by yourself, laying in your bed by yourself, those sad feelings are still going to hit. Take a couple of days to yourself to get all your shitty feelings out. Cry until you pass out. Kick and scream in your bed. Throw a pillow across the room(not your phone because then you're just left with a broken heart and a broken phone). Drink a bottle of wine. Eat some Ben and Jerry's. Listen to some Adele and Celine Dion. Watch He's Just Not That Into You a million times over. Do whatever you have to do to get these sad feelings out, anything but call, text, email or social network your ex.
Get pretty. Okay, enough with the being alone shit. Get the hell out of bed, unlock your door, wash your tear stained red face, wash your greasy ass hair, and for God's sake eat something healthy. It's time to put some concealer under those eyes, put the hair extensions in, strap on those black pumps, fasten on your bombshell bra, and put the slut gear on. No, you're not getting all dolled up to find a new beau, you are getting pretty for you. When you look like shit, you feel like shit. When you look good, you feel good. Feeling pretty might not solve all your problems right now, but it's a start. And at least you look good on the outside while you feel broken on the inside.
Get wasted. Now that you're ready to get out of the house, go out. Get out of there! Call up your girls and have some fun. Go crazy. Get totally inebriated. Yeah I said it. Get wasted to the point that you don't know your name. You just got dumped. You're crushed. Your heart is in a million little pieces right now. You need a night with your girls. So go dance on top of the bar, take the shots from the guys across the bar, flirt with the guys from across the bar(just don't go home with the guys from across the bar), fist pump until your arms fall off. Put the life back into your zombie self. While you're getting sloshed though, make sure you don't drunken text or call the ex. Give your phone to a trustworthy friend that wouldn't give you back your phone if your life depended on it(unless you really have to call 911. In that case, you really should stop drinking). Don't get your phone back until you're hangover is gone, because you know you're still going to be drunk when you wake up.
Don't go there. When you do finally make it out of your mourning cocoon, don't go where ever he's going. Trust me, it's going to be hard at first to see him without you, especially if he dumped you for someone else. You can't just walk up and give him a kiss anymore. Hold his hand, touch him, dance with him, call him baby, talk to him the same way you used to back when you thought everything was going perfect. So, if you know that he's going somewhere, don't go there. Delete him from Foursquare(or let him delete you.) If you see him, politely say hi and go about your day. When liquor is involved and you see him dancing or talking to someone else, don't let your crazy girl voice inside come out. Leave and go somewhere else. Especially if you've decided to still be friends or if the break up was completely based on bad timing. If your crazy girl voice comes out, you may as well defriend him on facebook or forget about getting back with him when the timing is right. It might be hard leaving a place that you love, but the fun follows you, right?
Talk it out. When you tell your friends that you just got dumped, the first question out of their mouths are, "Oh no, what happened?" When it first happens, it might be hard to even say your ex's name let alone try and explain the hurtful words that were just delivered to you. It's okay. You don't have to be all smiles and giggles with your friends. They will understand if you can't talk to them right away. When the time is right and you're in the right mind, talk to them. Don't keep your hurt inside for you to take care of by yourself. Let it all out. Analyze it. Call your ex a douchebag. Call his new girl a skank. Just pour it all out to them. That's what friends are for.
Don't keep talking. So maybe you and the ex have decided to just be friends. Friends talk and hang out, right? Being friends with your ex is a really good thing, but right after the break up this can be totally hard. You're used to talking to him everyday, being in the habit of calling him on your way home from work. Or maybe you had a specific date night that was your day to spend together and grab dinner. Don't stick with this routine. You'll start to feel as nothing happened, like you're still with and committed to him. It gives you false hope. Hope that maybe he has changed his mind. That things can actually work themselves out. Face it, he dumped you for a reason. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have just woken up one day and thought, "hey, you know what? I think I might break up with my girlfriend today!" Either he wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling the same way, he isn't in the same place as you at this time, whatever the reason, there's still that reason of why he did it. Just having that break up conversation is nerve racking enough, why would he go through with it if he wasn't 100% sure? The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is an amazing statement. If he's still there talking and hanging out with you, how the hell are you going to get him out of your head? You're not and this is just going to make things worse for you down the road.
Get the hell out of here. If you have the vacation days, or the time just to take a weekend getaway, then get the hell out of dodge, especially if your ex is still around. Round up the girls and take a road trip to AC. Plan a tropical vacation, or just go out in another city but your own. Do something different from the norm. You lost the one you loved(or saw yourself loving one day). That's kind of a tramatic experience. Take a break, get out, relax, and do something for you this time.
Friends. When you've dated someone for so long and have made the same group of friends along the way or you met your ex through mutual friends, it makes the break up that much harder. Your ex dumped you, your friends didn't and you can't just stop being friends with them but it's hard to hang out with your friends with your ex still lingering around. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If it's getting too hard for you to handle with him around, let them know. Like I said, time heals all, and maybe in the beginning it's hard to be around him and your friends, but if you take a time out, hang out with other friends while you're healing or go out with your friends when he's not around, it will give you the chance to have time to get back to your normal self.
Manbatical. Take a break from guys for a while. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. Yeah, I know when it's on to the next one it gets your mind off of him, but don't do it until you are completely over your ex. If you move on before you're ready, you're faced with the risk of the relationship not working out because you compare everything about your new boy to your ex. If you're just trying to get back at your ex or make him jealous, you're getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and that's not fair to this dude who may really have true feelings for you. And if you rush into something when you're not over your last guy and this new relationship doesn't end up working out, then you're just left with two broken hearts(which is not anatomically possible, unless you're some kind of freak. But for real, you're going to get hurt even worse). You've spent the last however long being a couple and thinking of that one person. It's time to focus on you. Eat whatever you want. Go see whatever movie you want. Do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to just do you and not have to worry about anyone else.
Hit the gym. So now that you're out of bed and done with throwing yourself pity parties, it's time to get some energy back in you. Working out gives you endorphines,right? Endorphines make you happy(God I sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but you smell what I'm stepping in.) Working out makes you look good and feel even better. I know running helps get my thoughts in order and clears my head. Not a runner? Try yoga or pilates. Maybe a spinning class. Get your frustrations out with kickboxing. Hit up your local gym. Some hottie-bo-botties are always hanging around the gym. Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet, but it's nice to have some eye candy around. And maybe when you are ready to move on, one of those hotties will be just what you need in your life.
Memories. Hearing your song on the radio. Watching a television show you watched together. Going to a restaurant he loved. Seeing a friend of his. Smelling a riff of his cologne. Looking at a picture from the good times. After a break up, you're like a ticking time bomb with water works ready to come pouring out of you at any second. Nobody can take these feelings and memories away. Not nobody. Not no how. In the beginning stages of coping with a break up, try avoiding these things. These senses, whether it be sound, sight, smell or whatever will bring you right back to those memories of him. You're trying to get him off your mind, not take your mind right back to him. Walk a different way home so you don't pass that deli you guys used to eat at. Turn the station to the radio when your song comes on. Stop looking at his facebook. I know his profile is the first thing that comes up when you type that first letter in your search bar, but don't do it. Some things you just can't avoid, but avoid the avoidable until you're cured from him. And the things you loved doing or seeing that reminds you of him? Slowly ease back into those things. You'll notice walking by that deli and hearing that song is a lot easier to do after some time away.
You can pick up what I'm throwing down or just leave it there. Do what you want with it. I'm no psychologist or expert at this whole relationship thing, I'm just an aspiring wannabe writer who's almost 29 and still single, so what do I know? I have been there, done that, seen it, and heard it all. Don't blame me if my advice doesn't work for you, but I'll tell you this, I wish I would have picked up what I just put down.
Monday, September 12, 2011
My Quarter Plus 3 Year Life Crisis
Have you ever woken up one day and thought, what the hell am I doing? Where am I going in life? What do I want? What do I need? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? Yeah, so this happened to me, twice. Most people would say that I had a mid-life crisis. Seeing that I'm only 28 and hoping to live longer than 58, I'm not having a mid-life crisis. I'm having more of a 7/25 life crisis. Okay, so I'm not the best at math, I'm a writer not a mathematician! But I already had my quarter life crisis back when I was 25(okay maybe I had it a year too late) and if you take the fraction 28/100 it gets cut down to 7/25 because 28 and 100 is divisible by 4 or whatever. Can you tell I've been out of college for 6 years? Anyway, I'm in the middle of a quarter plus 3 life crisis!
My quarter life crisis, like I said, transpired a year late. Maybe this was because I was traveling so much when I was 25 that my crisis could never find where I was. At this time, I lived in Miami. Aventura to be correct. I loved my friends, I loved the place, but hated the people. I couldn't take the rudeness, the language barrier, the snobby better than you attitudes. At first, my job was going pretty bad. I had just stopped traveling and came back into stores. I felt lost. Until I started dating my ex. After that, my job was back on track. I started running more and feeling good about myself. I saw Miami through a happier, peppier me. I thought I had my life together. I knew what I wanted. Until I got side swiped with a broken heart. After this I did a lot of thinking. A lot of analyzing. A lot of running. And a lot of working. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Did I really want to live in Miami? Was I really ready to move on and heal my shattered heart?
At this point, I freaked. I felt like my life was just a huge bowl of hot mess cereal that I was eating for breakfast everyday. My life consisted of working until I passed out, running until I passed out, drinking until I passed out, crying until I passed out, and repeat. I needed a change. I needed control. I needed a vacuum to pick up the pieces of my life that were left all over my 19th floor apartment. So when my boss approached me with an opportunity to move to NY, I didn't even have to sleep on it. I basically said yes and I was out of Miami and in NY 2 weeks later.
My move to Long Island was like a restart to my life. Totally different place, new people, new friends. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. This is what my life needed. I had my wall up to any guy that was trying to get in my life and focused on my job. I made some really close friends, worked my ass off, and then moved to a place I now love. My little beach town of Long Beach. My quarter life crisis was over. I was back to happy, peppy, crazy, random Stella.
And then I seemed to hit crisis mode again. I began hating a job that I had so much passion and love for. A job that took me all over the world and allowed me to see things I had never seen before. A job I put my whole life into for the past 8 years. I began to open my eyes and see the other side of the moose. I began dreading going into work, looking forward to every day off I had. I questioned everything the company asked out of me and realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I really started looking towards my future, and that was not with the company that I put so many hours and hard work into. I became so unhappy with what I was doing, I almost just threw in the towel and took the whole summer off. Sounded like an awesome plan at first, until I landed myself in the ER.
Life is sometimes a scary ride and when suddenly something goes wrong with your health, it can become your worst nightmare. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, earlier in the day I was running the boardwalk. By the end of the day, I was grabbing my side, doubled over in pain. Three days later, I'm in the OR, getting two larger than golf ball sized hairy creature looking things(dermoid cysts) off my lady parts and pieced back together by my doctor. I gotta say, this surgery took so much out of me. I became so down on myself. Here I was, unhappy with my job that I had once loved and in so much pain and scared from a health issue I now have to deal with for the rest of my life.
Oh, but that's not all of this quarter plus 3 year crisis. This wouldn't be a single girl blog without writing about boys, now would it? I have something to admit. For the past year, I, Stella Elizabeth Taylor, have been a serial dater. I said it. Call me the Ted Bundy of dating. That wall that I had put up before leaving Miami and after moving to NY, yeah it went down about a year after that. I left myself unguarded and took risks. Time after time there was failure after failure, each time I picked myself up, dusted off my shoulders, and kept going. Each time I got knocked down became harder and harder, until I was KOed. Down for the count as described in my last post. I felt I didn't have the strength to pick myself up anymore.
And so my life has become code red. Crisis mode has been in full effect. In the past few months, I've felt like the myth of Sisyphus, rolling a boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and to keep trying to push it back up just to watch it fall back down. How do I stop this? How can I get up the hill and keep the boulder at the top? In life there is no crisis manual to tell you want to do or how to avert the crisis. There is no chapter that tells you what the next step of your life is and what to do when life comes tumbling down on you. There's no chapters that tell you how to mend a hurt heart, what to do when you hate your job, and how to get back on your feet when you're at the lowest of your low. Slowly but surely, I think I'm figuring out how to cope with my crisis. Slowly, I'm rolling the boulder up that hill.
I need to get my happiness back. Be back to my normal, spontaneous, fun-loving self. How do I do this? For the longest time, I've been depending on things and others to make me happy. My job had made me happy but then when I started hating it, I became unhappy. Guys I had dated made me happy, but when something went wrong I was left unhappy. I have decided I need to make myself happy. No more depending on others or things to do that. I gotta find happiness inside. No more worrying about others or other things. It's time to be a little selfish. It's time to do me. Do what Stella wants and what Stella needs.
So, what is going to make Stella happy? Two weeks ago, I finally did it. I quit. I QUIT. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am taking 2 weeks off for some me time. Some time to think. Some time to write. Some time to see my family and spend with my friends. Some time to do whatever the hell Stella wants to do. I'm getting my life back on track. I'm running again and getting back in good health. And then starting my new job. And the whole serial dating thing? There won't be anymore of that. Even serial killers need to take a break, right? Yeah, I don't know much about serial killers, but I'm sure they need a little rest in between killings, right? Well this little serial dater needs a break. My wall has been built. I gotta focus on myself first and get my life together before I even think of bringing someone else back into my life. I have decided to take a manbatical for a little bit. What, may you ask, is a manbatical? Well, the Urban Dictionary describes it as this:
I feel as though my life crisis is nearing an end. I just have to keep my focus on me and do what makes me happy for a bit and I will be fine. I'm going to be just fine :)
My quarter life crisis, like I said, transpired a year late. Maybe this was because I was traveling so much when I was 25 that my crisis could never find where I was. At this time, I lived in Miami. Aventura to be correct. I loved my friends, I loved the place, but hated the people. I couldn't take the rudeness, the language barrier, the snobby better than you attitudes. At first, my job was going pretty bad. I had just stopped traveling and came back into stores. I felt lost. Until I started dating my ex. After that, my job was back on track. I started running more and feeling good about myself. I saw Miami through a happier, peppier me. I thought I had my life together. I knew what I wanted. Until I got side swiped with a broken heart. After this I did a lot of thinking. A lot of analyzing. A lot of running. And a lot of working. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Did I really want to live in Miami? Was I really ready to move on and heal my shattered heart?
At this point, I freaked. I felt like my life was just a huge bowl of hot mess cereal that I was eating for breakfast everyday. My life consisted of working until I passed out, running until I passed out, drinking until I passed out, crying until I passed out, and repeat. I needed a change. I needed control. I needed a vacuum to pick up the pieces of my life that were left all over my 19th floor apartment. So when my boss approached me with an opportunity to move to NY, I didn't even have to sleep on it. I basically said yes and I was out of Miami and in NY 2 weeks later.
My move to Long Island was like a restart to my life. Totally different place, new people, new friends. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. This is what my life needed. I had my wall up to any guy that was trying to get in my life and focused on my job. I made some really close friends, worked my ass off, and then moved to a place I now love. My little beach town of Long Beach. My quarter life crisis was over. I was back to happy, peppy, crazy, random Stella.
And then I seemed to hit crisis mode again. I began hating a job that I had so much passion and love for. A job that took me all over the world and allowed me to see things I had never seen before. A job I put my whole life into for the past 8 years. I began to open my eyes and see the other side of the moose. I began dreading going into work, looking forward to every day off I had. I questioned everything the company asked out of me and realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I really started looking towards my future, and that was not with the company that I put so many hours and hard work into. I became so unhappy with what I was doing, I almost just threw in the towel and took the whole summer off. Sounded like an awesome plan at first, until I landed myself in the ER.
Life is sometimes a scary ride and when suddenly something goes wrong with your health, it can become your worst nightmare. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, earlier in the day I was running the boardwalk. By the end of the day, I was grabbing my side, doubled over in pain. Three days later, I'm in the OR, getting two larger than golf ball sized hairy creature looking things(dermoid cysts) off my lady parts and pieced back together by my doctor. I gotta say, this surgery took so much out of me. I became so down on myself. Here I was, unhappy with my job that I had once loved and in so much pain and scared from a health issue I now have to deal with for the rest of my life.
Oh, but that's not all of this quarter plus 3 year crisis. This wouldn't be a single girl blog without writing about boys, now would it? I have something to admit. For the past year, I, Stella Elizabeth Taylor, have been a serial dater. I said it. Call me the Ted Bundy of dating. That wall that I had put up before leaving Miami and after moving to NY, yeah it went down about a year after that. I left myself unguarded and took risks. Time after time there was failure after failure, each time I picked myself up, dusted off my shoulders, and kept going. Each time I got knocked down became harder and harder, until I was KOed. Down for the count as described in my last post. I felt I didn't have the strength to pick myself up anymore.
And so my life has become code red. Crisis mode has been in full effect. In the past few months, I've felt like the myth of Sisyphus, rolling a boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and to keep trying to push it back up just to watch it fall back down. How do I stop this? How can I get up the hill and keep the boulder at the top? In life there is no crisis manual to tell you want to do or how to avert the crisis. There is no chapter that tells you what the next step of your life is and what to do when life comes tumbling down on you. There's no chapters that tell you how to mend a hurt heart, what to do when you hate your job, and how to get back on your feet when you're at the lowest of your low. Slowly but surely, I think I'm figuring out how to cope with my crisis. Slowly, I'm rolling the boulder up that hill.
I need to get my happiness back. Be back to my normal, spontaneous, fun-loving self. How do I do this? For the longest time, I've been depending on things and others to make me happy. My job had made me happy but then when I started hating it, I became unhappy. Guys I had dated made me happy, but when something went wrong I was left unhappy. I have decided I need to make myself happy. No more depending on others or things to do that. I gotta find happiness inside. No more worrying about others or other things. It's time to be a little selfish. It's time to do me. Do what Stella wants and what Stella needs.
So, what is going to make Stella happy? Two weeks ago, I finally did it. I quit. I QUIT. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am taking 2 weeks off for some me time. Some time to think. Some time to write. Some time to see my family and spend with my friends. Some time to do whatever the hell Stella wants to do. I'm getting my life back on track. I'm running again and getting back in good health. And then starting my new job. And the whole serial dating thing? There won't be anymore of that. Even serial killers need to take a break, right? Yeah, I don't know much about serial killers, but I'm sure they need a little rest in between killings, right? Well this little serial dater needs a break. My wall has been built. I gotta focus on myself first and get my life together before I even think of bringing someone else back into my life. I have decided to take a manbatical for a little bit. What, may you ask, is a manbatical? Well, the Urban Dictionary describes it as this:
Manbatical: An extended period of time where a straight woman or a gay man purposely refrains from dating men; literally, a man sabbatical.I'm not going to take it to such an extreme as I've heard other girls do, like not even talk to guys, but I need to focus on myself for a few. If someone comes along during that time, so be it, good for me. It's definitely going to be hard to break down this wall I got up though.
Example: Every guy I date seems to be a loser. It's time for me to go on manbatical.
I feel as though my life crisis is nearing an end. I just have to keep my focus on me and do what makes me happy for a bit and I will be fine. I'm going to be just fine :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Down For the Count
I've been walked all over, used, misunderstood, unappreciated, neglected, let down, rejected, shut out, damaged, broken, shattered into a million pieces. I've found myself drowning in a pool of my own tears on the bathroom floor. But did I drown? No. It might have been hard, but I picked myself up, blew my nose, wiped the tears off my face, breathed in and kept going. I'm a fighter. I fight for what I want and what I believe in. But I've noticed the more I get knocked down, the harder it has become to get back up. The closer I get, the harder the hits. The harder the hits, the more vulerable I become. You would think after getting knocked down so many times, I would just give up. But I don't. I fight without a shield or a wall to protect me. I fight with an unguarded heart. One might think the more I get knocked out the bigger the wall I would build. I am opposite. Through my experiences of getting hurt time and time again one might think I would learn from the past and protect my heart with a wall. But I don't. I'm a risk taker. I take chances, hoping something good will come out of it. Hoping for love. Hoping for happiness. Hoping for a future. No one knows their future. No one knows what might be right or wrong right away, you just have to take the chance and hope for the best.
I say this, but I just don't know how many more risks I can take anymore. Risks are so uncertain, unforseen. All you can do when you take a risk is hope that it turns out the way you want. And more than likely, it doesn't. I can't just hope anymore. Hope is just a dirty 4 letter word to me now. It picks you up, gives you sometimes unrealistic goals and expectation and then breaks you down when all your dreams you were wanting don't become your present. I guess this was why hope was left in Pandora's box. All the evil poured out over the world but hope was left. I think hope can be just as evil as anything else in this world.
I've always been one to say give things a chance. What do you have to lose? If you don't take the chance, then how will you ever know if things could have worked out? You could have found the person you've been waiting your whole life on, the one person that puts all your shattered pieces back together. The one that makes this crazy messed up world make sense to you. And what if you didn't give it a chance? You could miss out on your one shot of happiness. Your shot of having it all and having what you've always dreamed about. But after so many let downs, rejections, and the couple of times I thought I got it all right went totally wrong, I just don't think I can put myself out there anymore. I don't know how many more times I can get back up from the many knock downs my life has thrown at me. I think this time I'm down for the count. KOed. Too battered and bruised to get back up and fight all over again. Maybe it's time to throw in the towel. Start laying down the bricks and start building a wall. Put my heart back in my chest instead of wearing it on the outside of my body. Protect myself. My heart. My mind.
I say this, but I just don't know how many more risks I can take anymore. Risks are so uncertain, unforseen. All you can do when you take a risk is hope that it turns out the way you want. And more than likely, it doesn't. I can't just hope anymore. Hope is just a dirty 4 letter word to me now. It picks you up, gives you sometimes unrealistic goals and expectation and then breaks you down when all your dreams you were wanting don't become your present. I guess this was why hope was left in Pandora's box. All the evil poured out over the world but hope was left. I think hope can be just as evil as anything else in this world.
I've always been one to say give things a chance. What do you have to lose? If you don't take the chance, then how will you ever know if things could have worked out? You could have found the person you've been waiting your whole life on, the one person that puts all your shattered pieces back together. The one that makes this crazy messed up world make sense to you. And what if you didn't give it a chance? You could miss out on your one shot of happiness. Your shot of having it all and having what you've always dreamed about. But after so many let downs, rejections, and the couple of times I thought I got it all right went totally wrong, I just don't think I can put myself out there anymore. I don't know how many more times I can get back up from the many knock downs my life has thrown at me. I think this time I'm down for the count. KOed. Too battered and bruised to get back up and fight all over again. Maybe it's time to throw in the towel. Start laying down the bricks and start building a wall. Put my heart back in my chest instead of wearing it on the outside of my body. Protect myself. My heart. My mind.
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Rule of Threes
I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret about single girls. Although we say we are single, we aren't truly "single". Although we don't call anyone guy in particular our beau and no one guy calls us his girlfriend, we still have our particular guys that are in some way important to us and that fulfills our needs as being a woman. After discussing this with my other single friends and even not so single friends, I've come to the conclusion that most(maybe not every, but most) single girls have at least 3 guys in their lives. Sometimes we may have just 2 or even 4 or 5(depending on how many needs the woman has to be fulfilled), but on the average it's usually 3. I know I talked about playing the game and being a player in one of my other posts "The Game" but this is different. This doesn't make us single girls players at all, unless the singleton gets serious with one of the 3 and doesn't drop the other 2 or is having a real relationship with all 3.
These 3 guys I talk about that single ladies have carry all have different characteristics we like in a guy and fulfill some kind of single girl need. All single girls have different types of needs so each guy might be different from another singleton's 3. But if you happen to put these 3(or how many ever) guys together, it would make up Mr. Perfect. From talking to my girls and from experiences from my own single life(not that I actually have these 3 guys in my life, maybe I do or maybe I don't. I'm not revealing that!), I have come up with these 3 types of guys most single girls have in their lives: The BGFF, The Mr. Right Now, and The Mr. Right But Not Right Now.
The BGFF
The BGFF or the Best Guy Friend Forever, is, well, just that. He's the one you go to for advice. The one you know you can call anytime, day or night for whatever reason. He's the one you can just be yourself with, be one of the guys, drink beer and watch the game, play the Wii and let out "that's what she said" jokes. He's your wingman, and you're his wingwoman. If he doesn't like a guy and gets an asshole vibe, he's going to let you know. He looks after you. Tells you what may be the best for you even though you might not want to hear it and may not take his advice. Who said guys and girls can't be friends? Okay, so yeah it can be hard, especially if alcohol is present and if you're spending a lot of time together. Whatever you do though ladies, if you want to keep your BGFF and don't want to make things weird and awkward, do not, whatever you do, do not hook up with your BGFF. That's when your BGFF can turn into your Mr. Right Now. Which there have been instances that a girl's BGFF turns into their Mr. Right(we've all seen Made of Honor, right? Or maybe not. It's a cute movie and has McDreamy). Good for you, I think it's awesome when a girl finds love with their best friend, but in some instances it can become way too complicated and you might just lose your BGFF from it. Sometimes things just aren't worth the risk. It's best to leave your BGFF as just that.
Mr. Right Now
Mr. Right Now is the guy you know you can call when you get lonely and will always be there to hang out. Whether it be to meet up for a few drinks and some interesting conversations, take you to dinner as a Plan B when your Plan A, dinner with Mr. Right But Not Right Now falls through, go see the movie you've been dying to see but would never go see by yourself, or just order pizza and chill at your place. You're not serious with Mr. Right Now and he's not serious with you. He's someone that secretly makes you sane when your patience for Mr. RBNRN is wearing thin and keeps your mind off of him for a while.
Out of the 3, Mr. Right Now usually doesn't last that long and can change from week to week. After a few dates and maybe hook ups you decide you like hanging out, but this type of relationship really goes no where. You might get bored and decide it's time for a new Mr. Right Now. Or you might have 2 or 3 Mr. Right Nows. This is when things can get complicated and you start mixing up your Mr. Right Nows with other Mr. Right Nows. I know you're single ladies and can do what you want, but keep it classy! Don't be slutty singletons!
There might come a time when you lose all patience for Mr. RBNRN and you get tired of being alone and single. All you want is a boyfriend and by golly you'll do anything to get one. This is when Mr. Right Now could potentially save you from your singleness and become your boyfriend. You settle. You might not have the one you really want, but you're not single anymore and won't spend another Saturday night sitting alone with your cat while drinking a glass of red watching "He's Just Not That Into You". This happens all too often. My advice: don't do it. You know neither your mind or heart are in it. It's not fair to you or Mr. Right Now. This just ends in disaster. It might be all unicorns and hummingbirds in the beginning, but when you're with someone just because you don't want to be single anymore or just to have someone there, you're not really in it to win it. Sometimes it can lead to cheating or when Mr. RBNRN is settled and ready for something serious and you're not available, it can ruin your chances to true happiness.
Mr. Right But Not Right Now
Mr. Right But Not Right Now is the one that when your Blackberry beeps and lights up from a text message you hope it is him and get disappointed when it's not. Before you see him, your stomach feels like it's going to fly away from all the butterflies. He's the one that you want to spend every spare minute you might have with and the one you can't get off your mind even after a 5 mile run. He's the one you could one day see yourself spending the rest of your life with, but not right now. Not right now could be for many different reasons. Usually because it's bad timing. Take it from me, I am the queen of bad timing. If anyone knows bad timing, it's me. Maybe Mr. RBNRN just got out of a long relationship. He just started a new job and has absolutely no time to start a new relationship. He has too much on his plate. He might be moving away or already lives far away. Maybe he just needs to grow up a little and not be scared to commit. Trust me, if a guy has any or all of these examples, do not push yourself into his already confusing and stressful life. After reading Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" and being in these all too familiar situations, if you want Mr. RBNRN to become your Mr. Right, don't go single girl crazy and try to fit yourself into his life and get mad when he can't hang out because he's working 7 days a week. From Steve Harvey, a guy is way different from a woman(obviously). When a woman likes a guy, she makes it happen. There's no stopping her. When it comes to men, a guy has to make a life for himself first before getting seriously involved. He has to figure out who he is, what he wants to do and what he's going to get from what he does. If he hasn't figured this out or is on his way but hasn't made it yet, he's going to be way too busy with these things to focus on you.
Ladies, if you want it to work with Mr. RBNRN, be patient. Don't push it. If you try to push yourself into his not yet settled and stable life, you could potentially ruin it for good. Play it cool. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait, right? (This is probably why I'm still single, patience is not a virtue I have instilled in me. If only I could listen to my own advice.) If he really likes you and wants to be with you, he will make it happen after he gets his shit together. If he gets his shit together and still is not getting serious with you, then it just wasn't meant to be. At this point ladies, it's time to move on. On to the next one. This might be hard after all that waiting, but maybe you weren't his Miss RBNRN, maybe to him, you were just his Miss Right Now. Leave it be. And for those Mr. RBNRN that you might be waiting on to grow up, some guys never really do. Sometimes guys like that you just can't waste your time waiting on. He'll know what he's missed when he finally does grow up, but it will be too late. Sucks for him.
So you might agree or disagree with me on this one. You might be the type of single girl that doesn't have any of these and might be saying, "Stella, you crazy girl!" This idea, the rule of threes, came from a conversation with a recently single friend and a not so single friend that's been taken for a few years now, so you might be saying what do we know. After reading this though, I hope it all makes sense now. The rule of threes could be the rule of fours or fives or even just twos, but whatever it might be, us single girls have needs that need to be met, and until we find our Mr. Right, we will continue to have our threes(or whatever number it might be).
These 3 guys I talk about that single ladies have carry all have different characteristics we like in a guy and fulfill some kind of single girl need. All single girls have different types of needs so each guy might be different from another singleton's 3. But if you happen to put these 3(or how many ever) guys together, it would make up Mr. Perfect. From talking to my girls and from experiences from my own single life(not that I actually have these 3 guys in my life, maybe I do or maybe I don't. I'm not revealing that!), I have come up with these 3 types of guys most single girls have in their lives: The BGFF, The Mr. Right Now, and The Mr. Right But Not Right Now.
The BGFF
The BGFF or the Best Guy Friend Forever, is, well, just that. He's the one you go to for advice. The one you know you can call anytime, day or night for whatever reason. He's the one you can just be yourself with, be one of the guys, drink beer and watch the game, play the Wii and let out "that's what she said" jokes. He's your wingman, and you're his wingwoman. If he doesn't like a guy and gets an asshole vibe, he's going to let you know. He looks after you. Tells you what may be the best for you even though you might not want to hear it and may not take his advice. Who said guys and girls can't be friends? Okay, so yeah it can be hard, especially if alcohol is present and if you're spending a lot of time together. Whatever you do though ladies, if you want to keep your BGFF and don't want to make things weird and awkward, do not, whatever you do, do not hook up with your BGFF. That's when your BGFF can turn into your Mr. Right Now. Which there have been instances that a girl's BGFF turns into their Mr. Right(we've all seen Made of Honor, right? Or maybe not. It's a cute movie and has McDreamy). Good for you, I think it's awesome when a girl finds love with their best friend, but in some instances it can become way too complicated and you might just lose your BGFF from it. Sometimes things just aren't worth the risk. It's best to leave your BGFF as just that.
Mr. Right Now
Mr. Right Now is the guy you know you can call when you get lonely and will always be there to hang out. Whether it be to meet up for a few drinks and some interesting conversations, take you to dinner as a Plan B when your Plan A, dinner with Mr. Right But Not Right Now falls through, go see the movie you've been dying to see but would never go see by yourself, or just order pizza and chill at your place. You're not serious with Mr. Right Now and he's not serious with you. He's someone that secretly makes you sane when your patience for Mr. RBNRN is wearing thin and keeps your mind off of him for a while.
Out of the 3, Mr. Right Now usually doesn't last that long and can change from week to week. After a few dates and maybe hook ups you decide you like hanging out, but this type of relationship really goes no where. You might get bored and decide it's time for a new Mr. Right Now. Or you might have 2 or 3 Mr. Right Nows. This is when things can get complicated and you start mixing up your Mr. Right Nows with other Mr. Right Nows. I know you're single ladies and can do what you want, but keep it classy! Don't be slutty singletons!
There might come a time when you lose all patience for Mr. RBNRN and you get tired of being alone and single. All you want is a boyfriend and by golly you'll do anything to get one. This is when Mr. Right Now could potentially save you from your singleness and become your boyfriend. You settle. You might not have the one you really want, but you're not single anymore and won't spend another Saturday night sitting alone with your cat while drinking a glass of red watching "He's Just Not That Into You". This happens all too often. My advice: don't do it. You know neither your mind or heart are in it. It's not fair to you or Mr. Right Now. This just ends in disaster. It might be all unicorns and hummingbirds in the beginning, but when you're with someone just because you don't want to be single anymore or just to have someone there, you're not really in it to win it. Sometimes it can lead to cheating or when Mr. RBNRN is settled and ready for something serious and you're not available, it can ruin your chances to true happiness.
Mr. Right But Not Right Now
Mr. Right But Not Right Now is the one that when your Blackberry beeps and lights up from a text message you hope it is him and get disappointed when it's not. Before you see him, your stomach feels like it's going to fly away from all the butterflies. He's the one that you want to spend every spare minute you might have with and the one you can't get off your mind even after a 5 mile run. He's the one you could one day see yourself spending the rest of your life with, but not right now. Not right now could be for many different reasons. Usually because it's bad timing. Take it from me, I am the queen of bad timing. If anyone knows bad timing, it's me. Maybe Mr. RBNRN just got out of a long relationship. He just started a new job and has absolutely no time to start a new relationship. He has too much on his plate. He might be moving away or already lives far away. Maybe he just needs to grow up a little and not be scared to commit. Trust me, if a guy has any or all of these examples, do not push yourself into his already confusing and stressful life. After reading Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" and being in these all too familiar situations, if you want Mr. RBNRN to become your Mr. Right, don't go single girl crazy and try to fit yourself into his life and get mad when he can't hang out because he's working 7 days a week. From Steve Harvey, a guy is way different from a woman(obviously). When a woman likes a guy, she makes it happen. There's no stopping her. When it comes to men, a guy has to make a life for himself first before getting seriously involved. He has to figure out who he is, what he wants to do and what he's going to get from what he does. If he hasn't figured this out or is on his way but hasn't made it yet, he's going to be way too busy with these things to focus on you.
Ladies, if you want it to work with Mr. RBNRN, be patient. Don't push it. If you try to push yourself into his not yet settled and stable life, you could potentially ruin it for good. Play it cool. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait, right? (This is probably why I'm still single, patience is not a virtue I have instilled in me. If only I could listen to my own advice.) If he really likes you and wants to be with you, he will make it happen after he gets his shit together. If he gets his shit together and still is not getting serious with you, then it just wasn't meant to be. At this point ladies, it's time to move on. On to the next one. This might be hard after all that waiting, but maybe you weren't his Miss RBNRN, maybe to him, you were just his Miss Right Now. Leave it be. And for those Mr. RBNRN that you might be waiting on to grow up, some guys never really do. Sometimes guys like that you just can't waste your time waiting on. He'll know what he's missed when he finally does grow up, but it will be too late. Sucks for him.
So you might agree or disagree with me on this one. You might be the type of single girl that doesn't have any of these and might be saying, "Stella, you crazy girl!" This idea, the rule of threes, came from a conversation with a recently single friend and a not so single friend that's been taken for a few years now, so you might be saying what do we know. After reading this though, I hope it all makes sense now. The rule of threes could be the rule of fours or fives or even just twos, but whatever it might be, us single girls have needs that need to be met, and until we find our Mr. Right, we will continue to have our threes(or whatever number it might be).
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Story of My Surgery
I find it weird how one part of my day I'm running on the boardwalk(which by the way is about 5 miles total), working at my store which consists of me running around like a crazy person for about ten hours straight with only a break of an hour of which I'm on conference call while stuffing my face, come home to no parking spaces so I must walk about 10 blocks to my house, and then another part of my day I'm laying in bed and not being able to sleep because I have a sharp, stabbing pain in my left side. At which I had to get up and be back at work at 9am. I'm totally used to running on no hours of sleep at work; Saturdays are normally like that for me, but this pain on my left side was not normal. It truly felt like someone was stabbing me in the ovary. I thought it would just go away throughout the day, that I could just walk it off. I thought wrong. As the day went by, the pain became worse. I'm not one to really complain about pain and even when I'm sick at work, I just suck it up and keep going. I've had my head in a toilet and then kept working, had beads of sweat coming off my forehead because of a fever and kept working, couldn't see what I was doing because of seeing spots during a migraine headache and kept working, lost my voice and kept working, been delusional because of lack of sleep and kept working, basically broke my foot from dropping a keyboard right on top of it and kept working. But this pain, I felt like throwing up because of this pain. I left work early that day crying in pain.
When I got home, I went straight to bed. I thought I could just sleep it off and wake up energized and ready for another work day. I thought wrong again. The pain was still very much there. While living in NY I haven't needed to go to a doctor yet. Which I actually hate going to see a doctor anyway, so even if I was sick I'd just take some Dayquil and deal with it. It being a Sunday and not having a doctor left me no choice, I had to go to the ER. I can honestly say I've never had to go to the ER. Well maybe I have after my brother pulled my arm out of socket when I was in pre-school and had to get my arm put in a sling, but I can't really remember that trip.
Thank God for my awesome friends I've made while living in NY. Bridget brought me to the Long Beach Medical Center, which was a bad choice. I got right in, saw the doctor, had an ultrasound, but after they figured out what was wrong with me the OB/GYN that was on call had made plans and couldn't come in. Really dude? I could be freakin' dying here but your plans into the city are more important than my life? Thanks to this jerk, I had a fun ambulance ride to South Nassau Hospital where I was questioned yet again for why I had come to the ER, sat in a hospital gown in a half open curtained room where I could see a fat old man standing in the hallway with his gown halfway off(thank God he had shorts on, but really I did not need to see his belly), an old guy next to me puking his guts out, a guy(or maybe it was a woman?) screaming at the top of his lungs in a very New England accent for a doctor and for some medicine(at which I almost yelled back "shut the hell up!"), 2 hours waiting for yet another ultrasound to be done on my lower half, after which another 2 hours waiting in a bed beside a desk in the ER, and then to get discharged and an IV pulled out of my arm at which blood soaked up the band aid and bruised up my arm like I was a battered wife(which I still have a huge bruise from) and had to walk to the bathroom to change out of my hospital gown with my ass almost hanging out for all the ER to see. Yeah, that was a fun day.
So after my total 7 and 1/2 hours in 2 ER's, the conclusion of my visit was that I had a rather large dermoid cyst on my left ovary. They had thought it was torsion or "twisting" my left ovary which would have cut off the blood circulation and would have meant I would have needed emergency surgery to save my ovary. This was not the case so they let me go back home but I was to not work and to call the doctor in the morning. The next day I called the doctor and she said to come right in. She did yet another ultrasound and saw I had another cyst that was leaking and that my dermoid cyst was about 2 inches tall and 2 inches wide(maybe a bit bigger than a golf ball?). On my way there I had been in so much pain I was crying. She said the pain would not go away until the cyst was removed and that I needed it removed soon because she was afraid it would twist my ovary. She had a very busy schedule the rest of the week but she could actually do the surgery that night. I had to be back at the hospital at 4pm that day. This left me an hour and a half to pack a few things, call my family, text my friends, call my boss, and find a ride back to the hospital.
So I know getting a cyst removed is really quite common. I know a few people that have had this done and it was an in and out kind of thing. Knowing this still didn't ease my worries about having surgery. The only other surgery I've had was getting my wisdom teeth removed when I was 16(which was in and out, getting a cyst removed is NOT just in and out!). I was in NY by myself. I have a close group of friends that would do anything and I mean ANYTHING for me, but they all also have jobs and can't play nurse to me 24/7. I was in tears packing my bag for a surgery I was so unprepared, had no idea what to expect, I was alone, and I was scared shitless. This moment has now replaced my scariest moment I have spoke of in another post of when I had a low blood sugar attack.
Bridget took me back to the ER where I had to get admitted to the hospital for my surgery. They asked me yet again why I came to the ER, on a scale of 1 to 10 what my pain felt like, when my last period was, how tall I am, what I weigh, what I'm allergic to, what medical conditions I had, when my birthday was, what my favorite color was, what was my mother's maiden name, if I'd rather be a cowgirl, ninja or pirate, who was my celebrity crush, and what I would do for a Klondike bar(okay so maybe I threw a few questions in there, but I swear if I hear some of these questions again I might just scream.)
After another 3 hours of waiting in the ER waiting room with a man that reeked of BO and a screaming child, I was finally back in. I had my bed back by the ER office desk(I could literally answer the phone from my bed) and the same man nurse that left my arm black and blue. I sat reading Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang while waiting to get my lower abdomen cut on. I have come to the realization that hospitals are worse than rides at Disney. You wait and wait and wait but the outcome is definitely not a joyful ride down Space Mountain. I felt like Zack Morris in the episode of "they're going to hack Zack" when Zack had to get knee surgery. I even had the cheer going in my head that Kelly, Jessie and Lisa did in Zack's dream of his funeral before his surgery. "Z-a-c-k since he's gone, the sky turned gray, he hurt his knee, went under the knife, who'd have thought he'd lose his life? Yay. Rah." I felt like finding a hot male nurse to wheel me into the elevator and out of the hospital. Too bad the only male nurse on duty was Mohammed Ali and I'd probably just end up with another bruised body part if I asked him to do anything.
An hour before my surgery, my aunt that lived near Philly arrived. Thank the Lord for her. I don't know how I would have lived through this whole ordeal without her. She is a saint. 9pm hit and it was time to go. They already had an IV in me and some kind of fluid flowing. In the operating room, they asked the same questions all doctors and nurses must be programmed to ask. I was nice while answering the questions yet again because 1, these ladies were so nice and B, these were the ones that would be cutting on me. After that, they rolled me into another room, moved me onto another bed, and told me to count back from 10. I have no idea what number I got to before I was out.
I awoke to a huge light being moved out of my face and a few people above me. I thought, shit! I must have fallen asleep in the tanning bed and these people somehow unlocked my door and came in to wake me up. This was until I felt the small pain in my lower abdomen. Yeah this definitely wasn't a trip to the tanning salon. My doctor explained to me what happened. I had not only 1 dermoid cyst, but yet another one on the other ovary. My ovaries had somehow switched places so what we had thought my left ovary had the huge cyst was really my right ovary and my left ovary was where my right one should have been. My uterus and areas around it like my bladder were filled with scar tissue from endometriosis. The doctor had scraped up the tissue from the endometriosis. She had put my organs all back to where they are supposed to go and had removed all cysts. This is going to sound gross but I gotta say it. If you don't know what a dermoid cyst is and have a strong stomach, goggle image it. A dermoid cyst actually might have hair, teeth, nails, skin, fat, and other human parts. After I had goggled this, I had imagined this little blob with hair and teeth biting at my ovary. The doctor said mine had almost as much hair as I had on my head and a tooth(which I have no idea how that much hair is possible). I think in my morphine and anaesthesia state of mind I asked if I could see it. And if it was a blonde(it was not. And no I could not see it).
After telling my aunt a couple of times how I felt like my Nana, I was wheeled to the pediatric floor to a room. I know I look young but Jesus do I really look like a kid? It wasn't that bad except for that first night. Two screaming babies, a machine that kept beeping on the other side of the curtain because the lady didn't know how to keep her IVed arm straight, and nausea sweeping me from the morphine. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep and was very grumpy when the nurse kept taking my vitals every time I was able to finally drift to sleep and then the blood taking lady came. I had no idea what vain this lady was going to stab seeing how all of them seemed to be black and blue at the time.
Later on that day, I was given jello and some broth and told I needed to try to get up and start walking around. I must say, you really do take a lot of things for granted. All I wanted at that time was a #2 from McDonalds. And getting out of bed, easier said than done. I'd taken for granted getting out of bed on my own, being able to sleep on my stomach, being able to use the bathroom, to eat regular solid food, to run or even walk for that matter, to put on socks, to bend down and pick up something, to be able to sneeze or cough and not feel like my insides were going to come out, to shower with both arms since one hurt from my IV, to drive where ever I wanted, to just be independent and not depend on someone to help you do daily things. It really sucks.
Thank God for the nurse and my aunt. Oh and the hospital bed. I really should get one of those for my bedroom. I was finally on my feet and walking the hallway of the hospital. By dinner time, I was able to eat real food. Yeah it was hospital food, but it was solid FOOD. I devoured a cheeseburger and fries.
I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 nights. Way longer than I had expected or hoped for. I've always hated hospitals but I was grateful to be on the Peds floor away from the old dying people and around a few kids and babies. After being wheeled out of the hospital, it was off to West Chester, PA to stay at the Hotel Callaway.
I am so grateful to have my aunt and uncle help take care of me and help with my recovery. Although I didn't like that I had to leave my home and friends in LB, being at my aunt and uncle's was the best choice for me to recover from my surgery. My days of recovery consisted of more than enough daytime TV to plan a wedding and change my wardrobe(I am now obsessed with TLC), catch up on what I've missed on my soap(I've been watching Days of Our Lives since I was like 5) and get all the good celeb gossip. I watched dozens of chick flicks that took me out of reality, and read "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" that put me back into reality of how guys can be such assholes. And of course I blogged a bit. Hopefully I will have some more posts up soon!
Now I am back in LB and still on the road to a full recovery. My doctor said I was healing nicely but I did not need to overdo it. I know I'm going to be fine now, but I'm worried about the years to come. There's a chance the cysts could come back. There's a chance of having trouble or not being able to have a baby. There's a chance of having to undergo a hysterectomy. I come from a family of women that have gone through this. My grandmother had a hysterectomy at the age of 29. My aunt and cousin had to have the same later on in their lives. This is something I am not looking forward to but know it's probably in my future. Right now I'm just going to worry about getting better and getting my life back to normal.
I want to take the time and thank my family and friends for all their love and support during this tough time. I definitely could not have lived through this without my aunt and uncle being there for me. And the rest of my friends and family for their prayers, visits to the hospital, phone calls, text messages, and fb message of concern and compassion. After this little bump in my life, it really shows how much love there is out there and how much people really do care about me.
When I got home, I went straight to bed. I thought I could just sleep it off and wake up energized and ready for another work day. I thought wrong again. The pain was still very much there. While living in NY I haven't needed to go to a doctor yet. Which I actually hate going to see a doctor anyway, so even if I was sick I'd just take some Dayquil and deal with it. It being a Sunday and not having a doctor left me no choice, I had to go to the ER. I can honestly say I've never had to go to the ER. Well maybe I have after my brother pulled my arm out of socket when I was in pre-school and had to get my arm put in a sling, but I can't really remember that trip.
Thank God for my awesome friends I've made while living in NY. Bridget brought me to the Long Beach Medical Center, which was a bad choice. I got right in, saw the doctor, had an ultrasound, but after they figured out what was wrong with me the OB/GYN that was on call had made plans and couldn't come in. Really dude? I could be freakin' dying here but your plans into the city are more important than my life? Thanks to this jerk, I had a fun ambulance ride to South Nassau Hospital where I was questioned yet again for why I had come to the ER, sat in a hospital gown in a half open curtained room where I could see a fat old man standing in the hallway with his gown halfway off(thank God he had shorts on, but really I did not need to see his belly), an old guy next to me puking his guts out, a guy(or maybe it was a woman?) screaming at the top of his lungs in a very New England accent for a doctor and for some medicine(at which I almost yelled back "shut the hell up!"), 2 hours waiting for yet another ultrasound to be done on my lower half, after which another 2 hours waiting in a bed beside a desk in the ER, and then to get discharged and an IV pulled out of my arm at which blood soaked up the band aid and bruised up my arm like I was a battered wife(which I still have a huge bruise from) and had to walk to the bathroom to change out of my hospital gown with my ass almost hanging out for all the ER to see. Yeah, that was a fun day.
So after my total 7 and 1/2 hours in 2 ER's, the conclusion of my visit was that I had a rather large dermoid cyst on my left ovary. They had thought it was torsion or "twisting" my left ovary which would have cut off the blood circulation and would have meant I would have needed emergency surgery to save my ovary. This was not the case so they let me go back home but I was to not work and to call the doctor in the morning. The next day I called the doctor and she said to come right in. She did yet another ultrasound and saw I had another cyst that was leaking and that my dermoid cyst was about 2 inches tall and 2 inches wide(maybe a bit bigger than a golf ball?). On my way there I had been in so much pain I was crying. She said the pain would not go away until the cyst was removed and that I needed it removed soon because she was afraid it would twist my ovary. She had a very busy schedule the rest of the week but she could actually do the surgery that night. I had to be back at the hospital at 4pm that day. This left me an hour and a half to pack a few things, call my family, text my friends, call my boss, and find a ride back to the hospital.
So I know getting a cyst removed is really quite common. I know a few people that have had this done and it was an in and out kind of thing. Knowing this still didn't ease my worries about having surgery. The only other surgery I've had was getting my wisdom teeth removed when I was 16(which was in and out, getting a cyst removed is NOT just in and out!). I was in NY by myself. I have a close group of friends that would do anything and I mean ANYTHING for me, but they all also have jobs and can't play nurse to me 24/7. I was in tears packing my bag for a surgery I was so unprepared, had no idea what to expect, I was alone, and I was scared shitless. This moment has now replaced my scariest moment I have spoke of in another post of when I had a low blood sugar attack.
Bridget took me back to the ER where I had to get admitted to the hospital for my surgery. They asked me yet again why I came to the ER, on a scale of 1 to 10 what my pain felt like, when my last period was, how tall I am, what I weigh, what I'm allergic to, what medical conditions I had, when my birthday was, what my favorite color was, what was my mother's maiden name, if I'd rather be a cowgirl, ninja or pirate, who was my celebrity crush, and what I would do for a Klondike bar(okay so maybe I threw a few questions in there, but I swear if I hear some of these questions again I might just scream.)
After another 3 hours of waiting in the ER waiting room with a man that reeked of BO and a screaming child, I was finally back in. I had my bed back by the ER office desk(I could literally answer the phone from my bed) and the same man nurse that left my arm black and blue. I sat reading Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang while waiting to get my lower abdomen cut on. I have come to the realization that hospitals are worse than rides at Disney. You wait and wait and wait but the outcome is definitely not a joyful ride down Space Mountain. I felt like Zack Morris in the episode of "they're going to hack Zack" when Zack had to get knee surgery. I even had the cheer going in my head that Kelly, Jessie and Lisa did in Zack's dream of his funeral before his surgery. "Z-a-c-k since he's gone, the sky turned gray, he hurt his knee, went under the knife, who'd have thought he'd lose his life? Yay. Rah." I felt like finding a hot male nurse to wheel me into the elevator and out of the hospital. Too bad the only male nurse on duty was Mohammed Ali and I'd probably just end up with another bruised body part if I asked him to do anything.
An hour before my surgery, my aunt that lived near Philly arrived. Thank the Lord for her. I don't know how I would have lived through this whole ordeal without her. She is a saint. 9pm hit and it was time to go. They already had an IV in me and some kind of fluid flowing. In the operating room, they asked the same questions all doctors and nurses must be programmed to ask. I was nice while answering the questions yet again because 1, these ladies were so nice and B, these were the ones that would be cutting on me. After that, they rolled me into another room, moved me onto another bed, and told me to count back from 10. I have no idea what number I got to before I was out.
I awoke to a huge light being moved out of my face and a few people above me. I thought, shit! I must have fallen asleep in the tanning bed and these people somehow unlocked my door and came in to wake me up. This was until I felt the small pain in my lower abdomen. Yeah this definitely wasn't a trip to the tanning salon. My doctor explained to me what happened. I had not only 1 dermoid cyst, but yet another one on the other ovary. My ovaries had somehow switched places so what we had thought my left ovary had the huge cyst was really my right ovary and my left ovary was where my right one should have been. My uterus and areas around it like my bladder were filled with scar tissue from endometriosis. The doctor had scraped up the tissue from the endometriosis. She had put my organs all back to where they are supposed to go and had removed all cysts. This is going to sound gross but I gotta say it. If you don't know what a dermoid cyst is and have a strong stomach, goggle image it. A dermoid cyst actually might have hair, teeth, nails, skin, fat, and other human parts. After I had goggled this, I had imagined this little blob with hair and teeth biting at my ovary. The doctor said mine had almost as much hair as I had on my head and a tooth(which I have no idea how that much hair is possible). I think in my morphine and anaesthesia state of mind I asked if I could see it. And if it was a blonde(it was not. And no I could not see it).
After telling my aunt a couple of times how I felt like my Nana, I was wheeled to the pediatric floor to a room. I know I look young but Jesus do I really look like a kid? It wasn't that bad except for that first night. Two screaming babies, a machine that kept beeping on the other side of the curtain because the lady didn't know how to keep her IVed arm straight, and nausea sweeping me from the morphine. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep and was very grumpy when the nurse kept taking my vitals every time I was able to finally drift to sleep and then the blood taking lady came. I had no idea what vain this lady was going to stab seeing how all of them seemed to be black and blue at the time.
Later on that day, I was given jello and some broth and told I needed to try to get up and start walking around. I must say, you really do take a lot of things for granted. All I wanted at that time was a #2 from McDonalds. And getting out of bed, easier said than done. I'd taken for granted getting out of bed on my own, being able to sleep on my stomach, being able to use the bathroom, to eat regular solid food, to run or even walk for that matter, to put on socks, to bend down and pick up something, to be able to sneeze or cough and not feel like my insides were going to come out, to shower with both arms since one hurt from my IV, to drive where ever I wanted, to just be independent and not depend on someone to help you do daily things. It really sucks.
Thank God for the nurse and my aunt. Oh and the hospital bed. I really should get one of those for my bedroom. I was finally on my feet and walking the hallway of the hospital. By dinner time, I was able to eat real food. Yeah it was hospital food, but it was solid FOOD. I devoured a cheeseburger and fries.
I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 nights. Way longer than I had expected or hoped for. I've always hated hospitals but I was grateful to be on the Peds floor away from the old dying people and around a few kids and babies. After being wheeled out of the hospital, it was off to West Chester, PA to stay at the Hotel Callaway.
I am so grateful to have my aunt and uncle help take care of me and help with my recovery. Although I didn't like that I had to leave my home and friends in LB, being at my aunt and uncle's was the best choice for me to recover from my surgery. My days of recovery consisted of more than enough daytime TV to plan a wedding and change my wardrobe(I am now obsessed with TLC), catch up on what I've missed on my soap(I've been watching Days of Our Lives since I was like 5) and get all the good celeb gossip. I watched dozens of chick flicks that took me out of reality, and read "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" that put me back into reality of how guys can be such assholes. And of course I blogged a bit. Hopefully I will have some more posts up soon!
Now I am back in LB and still on the road to a full recovery. My doctor said I was healing nicely but I did not need to overdo it. I know I'm going to be fine now, but I'm worried about the years to come. There's a chance the cysts could come back. There's a chance of having trouble or not being able to have a baby. There's a chance of having to undergo a hysterectomy. I come from a family of women that have gone through this. My grandmother had a hysterectomy at the age of 29. My aunt and cousin had to have the same later on in their lives. This is something I am not looking forward to but know it's probably in my future. Right now I'm just going to worry about getting better and getting my life back to normal.
I want to take the time and thank my family and friends for all their love and support during this tough time. I definitely could not have lived through this without my aunt and uncle being there for me. And the rest of my friends and family for their prayers, visits to the hospital, phone calls, text messages, and fb message of concern and compassion. After this little bump in my life, it really shows how much love there is out there and how much people really do care about me.
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