My Life in Limbo

I am a girl of many talents. Not only do I have the talent of writing(which I've been told I'm a good writer, you be the judge) and like I've mentioned in past posts I'm a fast runner, but I am also great at other things. In high school I used to play French Horn(yes I was a band nerd until sophomore year). When I lived in Florida, I was a really good line dancer (Living in NY I have yet to find a country bar so I haven't line danced in forever). I can drunk text with absolutely no typos, spelling errors and be totally grammatically correct. I can turn any song into a country song(just ask me to sing "Wanna Be a Baller" by Lil Troy). I can drive with my foot(yes I know you drive with your right foot by hitting the pedals, but I can also steer with my left foot. After commuting 2 hours a day, you teach yourself many things). At work I can scrunch woven sleeves and side stack tees like no other. One of my biggest talents though would have to be limbo. I honestly can't remember once that I might have lost a limbo contest. I remember even beating a 3 year old. I've won many prizes such as bar tabs, free bowling, gift certificates, and cash. Anytime there's a limbo contest, I'm there. As I get older though, I know there's going to be a day where I lose or hurt myself. Last year on my cruise, I won a contest at Senior Frogs but almost pulled my hip out of socket in the process. As long as I can still limbo, I'm going to keep doing it. I kind of get a rush every time I win. The people around cheering and high fiving me after I clear the pole. I seem to amaze others as well as myself.

I maybe good at limbo contests, but I feel as though my life is in limbo. Every aspect of my life I seem to be under the stick, not being able to clear the pole and move on to the next level. People are passing me as I'm at a stand still, stuck under the stick. I'm stuck playing this game of "what do I want and what am I doing in my life?" limbo.

For my career, I feel like I've cleared many levels of the stick. But here I am at the same level I've been at for a while, back arched, half way under the pole, not moving. I can either keep moving, clear the pole and succeed at what I've been working towards for years, keep trying and fall on my ass but know I at least tried, or back it up from under the stick, give up, and walk away. Which would I be giving up? There's plenty of other limbo contests out there, right? Or maybe I could try my hand at other things. What about hula hooping? Pin the tail on the donkey? Maybe apple bobbing?

Physically, my body is stuck in limbo. I'm not in that bad of shape physically, I’m usually an average of 112 lbs which I'm not looking to lose weight really. I would just like to tighten up, be tone, have more energy, and control my blood sugar better. I don't go to the gym but I do run at least 2, maybe 3 times a week and usually 4 miles each time I run. I have my days of eating healthy, but then there's days of eating mall food because I didn't have time or any food at my place to bring for my lunch. Also I have been cursed with the condition of hypoglycemia. If I eat bad and don't take care of myself, it can become bad on my body. I need to stop being lazy, get off my ass and suck it up. Not just do things just to get by but change my lifestyle to feel and look better. Be able to not just clear that limbo stick, but run under it!

Of course my life is in limbo when it comes to relationships. This wouldn't be a blog about a single girl if I didn't talk about dating and guys now would it? Lately when I've tried to go under the stick(get your minds out of the gutter!) I've fallen on my ass. Many times. And I get right back up and try again. And fallen on my ass again or really hurt myself in the process. I've come to realize my approach is all wrong. I've been trying to get to the other side of the limbo stick as fast as possible. When you move too fast, stupid mistakes happen. You twitch and bump the pole, you slip and fall, you under estimate how low you really need to go. You get cocky and don't see the other competitors that might win over you. I think I need to back it up from being under the stick, do some stretches so I don't hurt myself, and try it again, but this time slow it down. Ease under the pole and not worry about what might happen. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Just go with the flow and have fun. If I lose, oh well. There’s more contests out there. Better luck next time.

Sometimes I can take limbo(or life) too seriously. Limbo is supposed to be fun, right? But when the limbo stick is lit on fire and lower than my knees, well then sometimes I just want to say F it. I give up. But I’m not a quitter. It took me 3 years to make the cheerleading squad in high school but by golly I made the squad. And was a damn good cheerleader at that! It might be hard to see the other side of the limbo stick, especially when all eyes are on you, your back is arched and you feel like your body might just break in half, but there is another side of that pole. And once you get there, it’s an awesome feeling. High fives all around. Cheering. Clapping. Those people who thought you couldn’t do it have astonished looks on their faces. And sometimes there’s a prize. It might just be some measly little margarita or it might be a hefty load of cash. It doesn’t really matter though, as long as you succeed and get to the other side in one piece is all that matters.

6th grade, limboing at a friend's birthday party.

Limboing at our high school graduation party.



Last year at Senior Frogs in the Bahamas.



Sweet As Sugar, But My Blood Is Not

Irritable. Nausea. Nervousness. Unclear thinking. Uneasiness. Anxiety. Difficulty speaking. Light-headedness. Sweating. Hunger. Confusion. Clumsiness. Mood swings. Headache. Shakiness. No this is not a list of side effects on one of those cheesy commericals for Valtrex or the drug that makes your eyelashes grow. This is a list of things that I sometimes deal with on a daily basis. It’s a condition called Hypoglycemia or also known as low blood sugar. It’s like diabetes but the exact opposite. Your body can’t process sugars properly or quick enough or your body isn’t getting enough healthy sugars resulting in the symptoms stated above. It’s a condition that many people have and don’t even know it. Even I had no idea I had this condition until the scariest night of my life.

Before this scary night, I was working almost everyday part time at AnF. It was my Junior year of college and I had just encountered my final exams. It was Christmas break and I had decided to stay during the break to work. During the break I was going out basically every night, drinking, not getting any sleep, working, and eating 1 meal a day that consisted of a 6 count chicken nuggets Chick Fil A kids meal. Let’s go back even further to the beginning of the semester. I had just joined a sorority, was getting into my major and finally taking my core classes, going out a lot with my new sisters, having a rocky patch with my long distance boyfriend, all while working maybe 4 days a week. So yes, I would say my Junior semester all though was really fun, it was also very stressful. I noticed by the middle of the semester I would be at work and get really light-headed. I never complained and never thought “oh maybe I need to eat something”, I just thought I was tired from the night before. I would find myself grabbing at the nearest table so I didn’t fall over and then just lean on it for support until it was time for my break or time to go home. I also found myself getting flustered, again blaming it on lack of sleep or stress. I would start sweating out of no where. My t-shirt would have sweat blotches on them even when I didn’t really feel that hot. I would get really bad headaches, but I always got bad headaches being my mother and father’s daughter and plagued with the migraine gene. I was always pretty clumsy and drinking coffee all my life I always had a shaky hand. None of these symptoms were really worrisome to me until that one scary night.

Like I said, it was Christmas break and I was working and drinking more than I was sleeping and eating. That night, my boyfriend, some of his family, and my roommates went out to a club in good ole Ybor City. I was drinking Red Bull vodkas all night. Later that night I got really pissed off(won’t go into detail but I’m pretty sure I might have broken a glass at my apartment) and ended up locking myself in my room. I laid down in my bed and my whole body started shaking. I had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t stop shaking. My boyfriend had to break into my room because I couldn’t get up to unlock the door. During this shaking episode, his phone rang and it was one of his fraternity brothers telling him another brother had died. This news made me shake even more. I couldn’t even speak at this point. He ended up taking me all the way to my parents.

There, my parents made an appointment with my doctor. My dad looked at my eyes which kept rolling around not focusing on anything and saw that my pupils were dilated. I laid down and finally went to sleep. When I went to my doctor, they did many tests. They thought someone had put something in my drink. They did many drug tests and blood tests. I think they even tested me for diabetes which one would think they would have seen how low my blood sugar was then. They couldn’t find anything wrong with me but set up appointments for more tests that Monday. The entire weekend I couldn’t drive or even just be by myself. My mom, dad or boyfriend were always there, watching me, like I was a ticking time bomb, but having no idea when I’d blow up again. At this point in my life, I had found my independence and hated having to depend on someone, especially not being able to drive. It was like I was a kid again. I went back for more tests where they did some kind of scans of my brain and hooked all these little wires to my head. The shit they put on my head was not fun getting out of my hair. They found nothing and scheduled more tests the next week. That week was Christmas and my family came down. I had a conversation with my Aunt Sharron telling her what I was feeling before and during the seizure. She told me that I needed to get checked out for low blood sugar because she had experienced the same thing. My parents called the doctor and scheduled a blood glucose test.
For this blood glucose test, I couldn’t eat anything. When I arrived they took my blood. I hated needles and asked if the nurse could just take blood out of my right arm since I’m left-handed. She explained she would be needing both arms for the amount of times they would be taking my blood. After the first prick, they gave me some nasty orange soda tasting drink. After that, they took my blood every hour for about 8 hours. By the end, I was so weak, cranky, and hungry. It didn’t help that my dad was sitting there taunting me with M&M’s. When my test was done, I believe my blood glucose was around 45 milligrams. A normal person is usually around 100 milligrams. I finally had an answer to my seizure. My crankiness, light-headedness, mood swings, sweating, confusion, anxiety, nervousness. I finally knew what the hell was wrong with me. I almost felt relieved, even though I hate living with this damn condition.

I must say, living with low blood sugar is a daily challenge. Anything and everything can mess with my body’s blood sugar. Stress, caffeine, alcohol, lack of sleep, types of food, vitamins and supplements. In the beginning of learning how to control this nasty condition, I would sometimes find myself on my apartment floor, having fainted because of not eating properly. I would break out into a sugar shock attack after a night out of drinking. When this happened, I think I freaked my friends out more than it did me. I would just down a glass of OJ, go to bed, and I was usually okay by the morning, weak and fatigued with a headache, but okay once I ate breakfast. I found myself not being able to concentrate in class because I forgot to eat breakfast. Breakfast for a hypoglycemic is vital. I found myself not being able to find my words and put them in a sentence, making no sense when I spoke. I would get confused, flustered, and just damn frustrated. I read a lot of articles on the internet and bought the book Hypoglycemia for Dummies.

I have finally learned how to somewhat control my sugar levels. I have to eat, like all the time. I always have snacks. Some of my associates at work have made fun of me because I seem to pull snacks out of my ass. If I start to feel light-headed, my sentences aren’t coming out right and make no sense, and I’m cranky, it’s time for Stella to eat! Since I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 5 years old and with my job being a high energy environment, I can’t cut out my caffeine in take, but I just don’t mix it with alcohol anymore. And alcohol is another story. I can’t not drink. It’s something that I enjoy. I enjoy coming home after a stressful day and having a few glasses of wine or going out for drinks with my friends. I just can’t go out and drink without eating first. If I do, there’s usually trouble. When this happens, I might have an attack that night or wake up weak and nauseated in the morning. I feel like death and it might be from a hang over, but sometimes I know it’s not, it’s just my blood sugar punishing me.

I hope this blog post has educated my friends and family on how I feel when I experience low blood sugar. It’s not fun at all, but if others know what I’m going through then maybe more people will be more understanding when I get irritable, flustered, tired, uneasy, nervous, moody. Just stuff some food in me! And not just any food. When people hear “low blood sugar” they automatically think I need a lot of candy. No. Candy, cake, cookies, anything with sugar is actually really bad for me(or anyone for that matter). It may help my blood sugar at that exact moment, but it sky rockets my blood sugar and quickly bottoms out and can make my blood sugar even lower after my body uses the sugar. I need natural sugars like fruits and also protein. Starches are bad even though I crave them everyday.
Also I hope this blog post has helped anyone else experiencing this condition. Or maybe you have no idea what you’re experiencing but have felt the same way I have. Go get tested! You’re not going crazy, I promise. It’s just your body not being able to process sugars properly. You would never think your body could react in so many ways just because of your damn blood sugar, but believe me, it can make you feel like you’re not yourself.       

Here's a link I found interesting about hypoglycemia. http://www.authorviews.com/authors/bennett/obd.htm

Life Unexpected

Why does life have to be so damn tough sometimes? Why can't life be like it was when we were kids? The biggest decision I had to make as a kid was picking between Capt'n Crunch Berries and Fruity Pebbles at the grocery store(which I am still faced with that decision. It usually ends with me getting both). My biggest worries in life were passing tests in school. The biggest punishment for doing something bad was being grounded or slapped on my butt a few times. When I liked a boy, I chased him on the playground or passed him a note. When faced with a problem, my mom or dad were there to fix it and make it all better. The hardest part of my day was getting up early to go to school. My weekdays consisted of going to school, having fun on the playground with my friends, coming home to watch TV, reading the Baby-Sitters Club books, and playing with my Barbies. On the weekends I was usually sleeping over at my best friends house or vice versa, swimming in her pool, playing house or school, and riding bikes.

Why can't life be like this again? No worries in the world. As a kid, I was invincible. Nothing could bring me down. I fall off my bike, I grab a band-aid, have my mom kiss my boo boo and get the hell back on the bike. Now that I'm all grown up and just inches away from 30, my biggest decision is figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. My biggest worries in life is pretty much everything in my life right now. The biggest punishment for doing something bad could result in a hefty ticket, jail time, having to live with yourself after doing something wrong. When liking a guy, it's all so freaking complicated, there's no note passing or playground. The hardest part of my day is usually dealing with something at work. My weekdays include getting up for work, driving an hour to work, working 9+ hours, driving back home, and sleeping until the next work day. My weekends usually include a full day of work and then hanging out with my friends out at a bar. During my free time, I'm usually sleeping, running, writing, or out to dinner with the girls.

As a child, we just can't wait to grow up.  We have all these dreams and goals we want for ourselves. We want to be a doctor, the president of the United States, find the loves of our lives, get married, have some kids, get a couple dogs, live in a mansion with a huge back yard, drive a nice car and live happily ever after. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a basketball player. I thought I would be married by at least 24 years old. I wanted a 3 story house. I wanted to marry a baseball player. I wanted 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. I wanted a St. Bernard and a poodle. I wanted a huge wedding. I wanted a happily ever after.

My life is definitely not what I expected it to be as a kid. Here I am, single, 28, living in New York, definitely not a basketball player(why in the 3rd grade I wrote in my journal I wanted to be a basketball player I have no idea, I really don't like basketball at all) but working in retail for 8 years. No kids. My dog lives with my parents. I live in a 2 story rented house that is on the market to be sold. No baseball playing husband, just a few hand fulls of failed attempts of dating. Huge wedding? My idea of a wedding now a days is a trip to Vegas. Happily ever after? I've realized there is no such thing as a happily ever after. Yeah, you can be happy, but the ever after? Forget it. There's always going to be some obstacle, something thrown your way out of no where. Things you have to deal with that you don't want to deal with. But it is these obstacles in life that make you a stronger person. Something unexpected comes your way, you catch it and run with it, make the best of it. You learn from it and move on with your life.

So maybe my life is not what I expected it to be. I still love and enjoy my life. There's so many things I've seen, I've experienced, I've enjoyed that I never even could have imagined as a child. I like that my life is random, full of surprises, I never know what to expect each and every day. If I lived a life like I thought I would as a child, I wouldn't be Stella Elizabeth Taylor. I would be, well, just plain boring.

Home Sweet Long Beach

April 15th marked my 1 year anniversary of living in Long Beach, New York. I can't believe I've actually stayed in one place for a year. So maybe I was gone for about 4 out of the 12 months of living here, but this is a big accomplishment for me. The last place I actually lived for more than a year was my freshman and sophomore years of college. After that, I couldn't even tell you how many different places I've lived. I think I've come to the point of my life that I've decided to settle down when it comes to where to live. I have actually fallen in love with this place and also I'm so over moving. The packing. The carrying big boxes. The driving of U-Haul vans. The unpacking. Which I just found out my landlady is trying to sell our house so it looks like I might have to move, yet again. I totally don't want to move again though! I have really grown attached to my cozy barn. So maybe there's only 1 vent in the entire house for heat and I'm usually freezing my ass off. And sometimes I feel like I might fall through the floor in the hallway. As it warms up outside, the ants invade our house. Maybe I have to wash my own dishes because there's no dishwasher. And if I'm still living in this house over the summer, I'm definitely going to invest in a window unit so I don't sweat balls this year. But I love having an actual yard. I love my little sun room with all the windows. I love being close enough to everything that I can just walk to where ever I want to go. I love living in a two story house(I've always want to have one). I love my little white picket fence with a handicap ramp. I love being able to put up a big screen in my yard and project a football game to watch. I love just living in a house again and not an apartment. Having neighbors, a real mailbox, walking out to a real street and not sharing a wall with some stranger. Oh, and did I mention I have 2 great roommates?

My handicap ramp. No one in my house is handicapped.

How did I find this gem of a house? Last year, I was a hot bowl of stress. My roommate and I were living in Lake Grove, NY and our lease was about to end. My roommate had just received a promotion that involved her moving to Japan. I didn't want to live by myself and I didn't really want to live in that area anymore. There was nothing to do and all the friends I had made were living in Long Beach. It seemed as though everything was falling through. I thought I was going to be living in my Mustang. Then my roommate told me about a place another manager had available in Long Beach. I went to see it that night, and by the end of the weekend I was set to move in.

I'm so glad I made the decision to move here. I love that others my age live here. I love that I can walk to the bars and restaurants and not worry about how I'm getting home. I love that I have the beach just steps away but the city is only a short train ride away. I love running the boardwalk. I love the friends that I've made. I love the summers. Oh boy do I love the summer.

Living in Florida all my life, summer is just another season. Actually it's kinda hell down there. You lay out by the pool and after the first 5 minutes, you're already in the pool because your ass is sweating. Don't get me wrong, I'm a Florida girl at heart and love Florida, but you don't get seasons(well maybe 1 season. It's called Hurricane Season). You get kinda chilly, warm, hot, and sweatin' balls hot. I don't think I've ever in my life been more excited for summer than I am right now. Maybe when I was a kid waiting for summer vacation, but I actually loved school back then.

In Long Beach during the summer, by day, everyone is outside. People are walking their dogs, riding bicycles, playing volleyball, laying out at the beach, surfing the Long Island waves, getting fro-yo, sitting on the outside patios of all the restaurants getting lunch. Walking out of the door of my house just puts a smile on my face. No more winter blues! And by night, everyone is out at the bars. People come out of hibernation. City people take the train here, not the other way around. It is kind of nice to see new faces out, but at the same time it can be some what annoying when you're used to being the locals and having the whole bar to yourself. For the summer, you have to weave in and out of a sea of drunk people just to get to a line at the bathroom and have to wait at the bar just to get a drink. And since everyone comes here for the summer, there's no street parking. Sometimes I have to park several blocks away from my house. My roommate and I even talked about buying bikes to put in our SUV's so if we had to park far, we could just bike it back to our house.

Going out with my girls definitely out weigh the annoying parts of living here during the summer though. The nights spent out with the B to my S, my little wine guzzlers and hot commods I never know what's going to happen. It's never a "lets just go out for a couple drinks and come back home" kind of night, even when we say that's what we are planning on doing and give ourselves curfews(which we never make). It's "let's bring a football into the bar and throw it around while trying to hold on to our wine glasses and not spill a drop" or "Are they doing limbo on the dance floor? Yeah I know I got this!" or "Are those mannequins I see in some Kama Sutra positions? Let's steal their hands!" or "Um, so, what the hell happened last night?" or "Let's get shots of Jammo! Let's do another one! Can we do another one?(cheers, tap the bar with shot,take it)". Did I mention Jameson was a Long Beach staple? I had never even heard let alone tasted Jammo until I moved here. I used to hate it, but I have grown to tolerate it. Okay, so maybe it's kinda grown on me. But I figured when in Rome.

Jess, me, Laura.


Me, Sam, Bridget after stealing a couple of hands.

Jammo!

And then there's the boardwalk. The boardwalk has become my sanity when my world is going crazy. It's a place that I can clear my head and put together all the ideas that are floating around in this brain of mine and make sense of it all, until I tripped on a board and fell and bust up my knees, hands, and face. Yes this happened. I guess I had way too much on my mind that day and the boardwalk decided to really take my mind off things and just kick my ass. Let's just say after that, I paid a little more attention to where I was running. I also love watching all the volleyball games going on during the summer while I run. I'm not a volleyball player at all(unless they change the sport to kicking the ball over the net. Until that happens, you won't be seeing me play) but I love watching others play.

Sunset at the boardwalk.

On the weekends, the beach is amazing. Everyone is out with their coolers of beer, red Dixie cups, portable chairs that they can carry on their backs, volleyball nets up, a game of corn hole going, the lifeguards sitting up on their mounds of sand. When I'm there, you better believe I'm going to start a game of football and walk down to Cabana for a to go margarita. I love going into the ocean but the water is just a bit too cold for me(maybe not as cold as Polar Bear where I went in TWICE) until around the end of July. It's not like the bathtub water I'm used to in Florida. Everyone jumps and dives in while I put my big toe in, shutter and run back to my towel.

The other day, a friend called me a local and I almost disagreed but now that I think about it, I am a local. This is where I live and have lived the past year. This is where I plan on living for a while. This is my town.

Here's a few more things I love about Long Beach. If you're a Long Beach local too, you'll know what I'm talking about.

- Irish Day!
- Taco Tuesday. $1 tacos at the Inn and deadly margaritas at Cabana. You don't know just how strong the margs are until they hit you like a freight train.
- Sunday Funday. Followed by hangover Monday.
- To go along with Sunday Funday: Ricky Roach at Minns.
- Polar Bear Plunge. Until you get thrown in. Didn't know there was a rule stating it doesn't count if you don't get your hair wet.
- J.R. sushi at 1am.
- The 2 kids at J.R. sushi.
- Block parties(except Delaware doesn't have one! WTF).
- All the bartenders.
- 24 hour bagel(even though they don't toast their bagels).
- Indiana beach.
- Watching football at the Inn(these New Yorkers really get into their football).
I'm sure I'm forgetting other things that make LB such an awesome place, but this is all I can think of when I'm suffering from some major ADD.

Irish Day! Awesome LB holiday.

Freezing our asses off after jumping into the ocean on a February day.


Watching the Jets game at the Inn.