Why is it that when I get my mind on something, I can't clear my head no matter what I do? Is it just me, or does everyone constantly have something on their minds? It's like I think so much about something, I become overwhelmed and obsessed with whatever I'm thinking about. Sometimes I'll be driving, and my thoughts fill my brain to the point where I'll forget I'm driving. It's like I'm on cruise control. At times I'll be at work floor supervising and my thoughts will elude my head and I will just smile and laugh out loud at what I'm thinking about. Customers sometimes give me weird looks when that happens.
It seems the older I get, the worse my mind gets about constantly thinking. In the past whenever my thoughts would begin to overload my brain, I would just go for a run, listen to music, watch a movie, keep myself busy at work, or have a few drinks. Now when I run, I think even more. Music inspires my thoughts. The movie is on and I'm watching the colors on the screen move, but I have no idea what's going on. Work is sometimes a distraction, but sometimes it makes it worse when someone says something or I see something that makes me think of a memory and makes my thoughts come back. Drinking will numb the thoughts for a little bit, but usually by the end of the night my thoughts will just overflow my brain and will make me say or do something stupid. The only thing that can really distract me from my thoughts is another thought.
What am I constantly thinking about? A multiple of things, but usually I obsess over a thought for a while until I get distracted by another thought and move on to obsessing over that thought. I usually think about what could be, should be, would be, the what ifs and the reality. Usually it's about a person, a guy, until another one comes along for me to think about. Or a place I wish I was, especially when I'm at work and don't want to be there. Or my new storyline for the book I'm going to one day write, but have yet to get around to doing so. BTW I've had about 50 different storylines which I have yet to get out of my mind and into words.
I obsess about these thoughts to the point that I pull my hair, cup my arms over my head to try and stop listening to myself, scream or even try to talk them out of my head. Usually the only time I can have a 100% clear mind is when I'm sleeping. But even when I'm sleeping I have dreams about my thoughts or have dreams that make me wake up with different thoughts and then I spend the rest of the day obsessing about those thoughts.
I don't know if this endless Stella babble makes sense to anyone else, but this is how my brain works. It never stops. And the more I think, the more I bite my nails. And I've noticed biting my nails has gotten worse. If I keep thinking the way I do, I'm not going to have fingers pretty soon!
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