I know, I know, it's been forever since I've updated this thing. And I know I use the whole "I've been busy" excuse way too much. I gotta say though, this month has really exhausted me. Have you ever felt like you were drowning but you weren't anywhere near water? That's what I've felt like this April. Why have I felt this way? Well let me explain.
I know I complain a lot. I actually don't see it as me complaining. I sometimes(more than sometimes I guess) vent in my writing. I write what's on my mind, what's bothering me, what I'm excited about, what I'm scared about, what I enjoy, what I hate, what goes on in this little blonde head of mine. So, don't mind me when I vent in this post.
At the beginning of this crazy month of April, I lost someone very dear to me. My last grandparent. The only grandmother I knew. The sweetest, most compassionate, caring, loving, nurturing person in my life(besides my own mother, which I know exactly where she gets it from). Nellie Elizabeth Barker Clements; Nana to my brother, cousins and I, lived a long(95 years to be exact) wholesome, lively life. I can't say that the death of my grandmother was unexpected. To tell you the truth, I have no idea how she lived this long. Every time I received a phone call from my mom early in the morning, I thought for sure it was about my Nana. Nope, somehow she had beat all odds and out lived all my dogs that my mom had called to tell me about in her sad but yet calm voice.
The day after I got the news about my grandmother, my boss told me that my store was closing. It's not like I really wanted to stay at this store, even with this company rather, but this still stressed me out. I had less than a month to find a new job, with a week of that month being spent in Florida. They had made me an offer at another store, which I really didn't want to take but I did at least have a backup plan. This was it though. This was my way out. This store closing was really a blessing in disguise. I've been looking for something else since the beginning of this year(4 months) and having the thought in my head that I may not have a job by the end of the month really pushed me and made my job hunt a bit more aggressive.
Looking and interviewing for a job is a job all in itself. Plus still actually having a job of closing a store isn't as easy as just closing the doors. All my free time I was on the computer looking on Craig's list, Careerbuilders, Monster, Mayor of the Mall, checking my email every minute, interviewing on every day off I had, 2 interviews at least each day. It took a lot of research, frustration, rejection, rewrite after rewrite of my resume and Xanax until I finally got my offer.
And then I had my follow up visit with my doctor. My last visit; my 6 month checkup and sonogram after my surgery, didn't go so well. The doctor had found yet another big cyst feasting on my right ovary. I said my right ovary was dying. If you've read my "Taylor Made" post, you know what I had been through. I had scheduled my doctor's appointment with an interview right after that. Not a good idea at all since my nerves were already shot from the thought of both but with limited time to find a job, I had to make this schedule. I thought for sure it grew bigger or I'd have to have another surgery or even my ovary removed. I prepared for the worst. After the way this month had been going, I figured what's one more bad thing to happen to me? I'd be grandmotherless, jobless and ovaryless. Yep, I let my pessimistic side out. So when the doctor told me the cyst was completely gone, I was in shock. "Really? Are you sure?" I asked her. She showed me the monitor screen. I've become quite an expert by now at looking at sonograms of my ovaries. When I got to my car, I did the same thing I did at my last doctor visit. I cried. This time though, I was crying for joy. Relief. My optimistic side came back to me. Maybe my right ovary won't be dying just yet. Maybe there's a real chance I can have children. Maybe I can stop living in fear of this thing that was growing inside my body. And maybe this month was not so bad.
So this basically sums up my roller coaster of a month. At the beginning, I was stressed, depressed, frustrated, exhausted, and just plan sad. All of this negativity really effected me and I became a pessimist about everything in my life. But by the end of the month, I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No more negative Nancy. Only Positive Polly. Although some bad things did happen in April, I only see the good now. My grandmother is now at peace in heaven with my Papa. My saint parents can now relax and spend some quality time together and get out of the house. I saw my beautiful family including my 1 year old cousin I hadn't met yet. I finally got to meet my best friend's twin baby boys in which I fell in love. I became more confident while interviewing and learned what to and what not to say. I got a new job in which I will be making good money and get to actually dress more fashionable and more my age. And I get a good sum of money just for closing my store. Life for this single girl may not be so bad now. I can't wait to see what May has in store for me. New job. New wardrobe. New attitude. Soon to be new place of residency? Hhmm, now that was in my 30 Before 30 list. Bye, bye Barn? ;)
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