Oh March, why do you suck this year? It's only the the 17th day of the month and I'm scared to see what the rest of this month has to offer. Hell, it's only the 3rd month of the year and I'm pretty terrified of the next 9 months ahead. I guess after having such a baller February, God decided to mix my life up a bit and make it miserable.
This month started off with the death of one of my part time associates. Everyone at my store was devastated. Monika was such an amazing part of our Gilly family. Always smiling, happy, full of life, beautiful, young, caring, hard working, had so much going for her. I always loved working with her. I still can't believe she's gone.
The same week I found out my District Manager was no longer going to have my store anymore. I've had my DM for over a year now, which I think is the longest one I've ever had. I know it is better for her that she doesn't have New York anymore and I do like my new DM, but she's been there for me when I was at my lowest and has developed me into what I am now.
That weekend, I went out to the city. Man did I need a night of fun after the week I just had more than ever. But, my name is Stella Taylor and I can't just have a normal fun night out. The night started with Sarah, Morgan and I heading to the train station. We thought we might miss the 9:40 train out, but turns out the station was closed temporarily. We had to take a school bus to another station, which turned out to be the party bus ride to hell. The bus driver had no idea where he was going and we ended up lost. We made it to the train station an hour later, and didn't make it to the city until midnight.
The party bus was only the start of my random night. The minute I walked into the bar, I received a text message. A text message from someone I try not to think too much about, and I had succeed so far this year. Yes, he has popped into my head a couple times throughout this year, but my head was clean of him compared to most of last year. Through time, I've thought of him less and less. But that night brought me right back to where I had started. An hour after I received the out of the blue text, he was there. Right in front of me. And all the feelings and thoughts that had so slowly left me came pouring back. I was vulnerable again. I was so unbelievably happy but incredibly sad. Happy because he makes me that way when I'm with him but sad because I knew that feeling wouldn't last. Happy to be with him but sad because I knew I would have to say goodbye. How does someone make me so happy but yet so sad? Like I said, now I feel like I'm right back to where I started, and it pretty much sucks. It's the worst feeling to want something so bad but know you can't have it. That's what I get for being spoiled as a child.
Monday of this week, my roommate finally got her promotion. This means she's off to Japan in less than a month! This is probably the only exciting news that has come out of March. It's an awesome opportunity for her, but I also feel sad that she's leaving. I'm gonna miss all our random moments, conversations that no one else would understand but us, and our baller nights out. Long Island will not be the same without her. Now I'm getting stressed with the thought of having to move my stuff in less than a month and even more stressed about finding a place.
Yesterday is when I knew March 2010 absolutely hated me. I got a phone call from my mom saying she had tripped over my dog and broken her kneecap. She was going to need surgery the next day and wouldn't be able to walk for about a month. She's been through so much with taking care of my grandmother amongst other things. I feel like such a bad daughter that I can't be there to help her recover and help take care of my grandmother. I'm so glad she has my dad and brother to be there for her, it just sucks I can't be there too.
Thank God for my vacation to look forward to in April. I'm definitely going to need it if March doesn't get anymore better! Hopefully I can last that long without having a mental break down.
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