Why does life have to be so damn tough sometimes? Why can't life be like it was when we were kids? The biggest decision I had to make as a kid was picking between Capt'n Crunch Berries and Fruity Pebbles at the grocery store(which I am still faced with that decision. It usually ends with me getting both). My biggest worries in life were passing tests in school. The biggest punishment for doing something bad was being grounded or slapped on my butt a few times. When I liked a boy, I chased him on the playground or passed him a note. When faced with a problem, my mom or dad were there to fix it and make it all better. The hardest part of my day was getting up early to go to school. My weekdays consisted of going to school, having fun on the playground with my friends, coming home to watch TV, reading the Baby-Sitters Club books, and playing with my Barbies. On the weekends I was usually sleeping over at my best friends house or vice versa, swimming in her pool, playing house or school, and riding bikes.
Why can't life be like this again? No worries in the world. As a kid, I was invincible. Nothing could bring me down. I fall off my bike, I grab a band-aid, have my mom kiss my boo boo and get the hell back on the bike. Now that I'm all grown up and just inches away from 30, my biggest decision is figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. My biggest worries in life is pretty much everything in my life right now. The biggest punishment for doing something bad could result in a hefty ticket, jail time, having to live with yourself after doing something wrong. When liking a guy, it's all so freaking complicated, there's no note passing or playground. The hardest part of my day is usually dealing with something at work. My weekdays include getting up for work, driving an hour to work, working 9+ hours, driving back home, and sleeping until the next work day. My weekends usually include a full day of work and then hanging out with my friends out at a bar. During my free time, I'm usually sleeping, running, writing, or out to dinner with the girls.
As a child, we just can't wait to grow up. We have all these dreams and goals we want for ourselves. We want to be a doctor, the president of the United States, find the loves of our lives, get married, have some kids, get a couple dogs, live in a mansion with a huge back yard, drive a nice car and live happily ever after. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a basketball player. I thought I would be married by at least 24 years old. I wanted a 3 story house. I wanted to marry a baseball player. I wanted 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. I wanted a St. Bernard and a poodle. I wanted a huge wedding. I wanted a happily ever after.
My life is definitely not what I expected it to be as a kid. Here I am, single, 28, living in New York, definitely not a basketball player(why in the 3rd grade I wrote in my journal I wanted to be a basketball player I have no idea, I really don't like basketball at all) but working in retail for 8 years. No kids. My dog lives with my parents. I live in a 2 story rented house that is on the market to be sold. No baseball playing husband, just a few hand fulls of failed attempts of dating. Huge wedding? My idea of a wedding now a days is a trip to Vegas. Happily ever after? I've realized there is no such thing as a happily ever after. Yeah, you can be happy, but the ever after? Forget it. There's always going to be some obstacle, something thrown your way out of no where. Things you have to deal with that you don't want to deal with. But it is these obstacles in life that make you a stronger person. Something unexpected comes your way, you catch it and run with it, make the best of it. You learn from it and move on with your life.
So maybe my life is not what I expected it to be. I still love and enjoy my life. There's so many things I've seen, I've experienced, I've enjoyed that I never even could have imagined as a child. I like that my life is random, full of surprises, I never know what to expect each and every day. If I lived a life like I thought I would as a child, I wouldn't be Stella Elizabeth Taylor. I would be, well, just plain boring.
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