It's not you, it's me. I'm seeing someone else. I think we should see other people. Can we just be friends? This just isn't right. This isn't working for me. I'm not in love with you anymore. We're at different points in our lives. We're drifting apart. I don't see a future for us. I'm just not that into you. I have too much on my plate. I can't be in a relationship right now.
What ever the reason, being dumped never feels good. Seriously, have you ever jumped for joy, toasted a glass of wine to your girls, did a little victory dance, or raised the roof after being dumped(all the while in your snuggie)? Didn't think so. Being dumped is one of the worst feelings you can ever experience. Having that feeling of rejection, of not being wanted anymore. That feeling of your heart being trampled by a million horses, dread of moving on, denial of it ever happening. The feeling of losing someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. Losing someone you put your whole heart into. It just really sucks.
I'm no expert on this whole breaking up or even dating thing. Yes, of course I've had my fair share of being dumped and being the dumper, and neither warms my heart. The last time I was dumped, or in a relationship at that, was over 2 years ago, but I've had enough faux break ups with faux beaux to feel those feelings of rejection, dread, and all the crazy girl thoughts that go through our minds. Face it, it's over and there's not a damn thing you can do or say to change it. The only thing that's going to heal you completely and mend that broken heart of yours is time. Time heals all wounds. But time can be a bitch, especially when you don't possess patience. So in the mean time of healing your broken heart, here's a few pieces of advice from this single girl of what to do after being thrown in the trash.
Lock yourself up. After being dumped, you're going to go through a thing called denial. You're not going to believe that this just happened. You need to take some time to yourself to come to the realization that this really just did happen. No matter what your friends tell you and how much they try pulling you out of the house, lock yourself in your room. Take a personal day. You just got your heart smashed. You need some time to swallow this, to process what just happened and to mourn by yourself. Some might say you need to be around your friends and things that make you happy. This might be true, but at the end of the day when you come home by yourself, laying in your bed by yourself, those sad feelings are still going to hit. Take a couple of days to yourself to get all your shitty feelings out. Cry until you pass out. Kick and scream in your bed. Throw a pillow across the room(not your phone because then you're just left with a broken heart and a broken phone). Drink a bottle of wine. Eat some Ben and Jerry's. Listen to some Adele and Celine Dion. Watch He's Just Not That Into You a million times over. Do whatever you have to do to get these sad feelings out, anything but call, text, email or social network your ex.
Get pretty. Okay, enough with the being alone shit. Get the hell out of bed, unlock your door, wash your tear stained red face, wash your greasy ass hair, and for God's sake eat something healthy. It's time to put some concealer under those eyes, put the hair extensions in, strap on those black pumps, fasten on your bombshell bra, and put the slut gear on. No, you're not getting all dolled up to find a new beau, you are getting pretty for you. When you look like shit, you feel like shit. When you look good, you feel good. Feeling pretty might not solve all your problems right now, but it's a start. And at least you look good on the outside while you feel broken on the inside.
Get wasted. Now that you're ready to get out of the house, go out. Get out of there! Call up your girls and have some fun. Go crazy. Get totally inebriated. Yeah I said it. Get wasted to the point that you don't know your name. You just got dumped. You're crushed. Your heart is in a million little pieces right now. You need a night with your girls. So go dance on top of the bar, take the shots from the guys across the bar, flirt with the guys from across the bar(just don't go home with the guys from across the bar), fist pump until your arms fall off. Put the life back into your zombie self. While you're getting sloshed though, make sure you don't drunken text or call the ex. Give your phone to a trustworthy friend that wouldn't give you back your phone if your life depended on it(unless you really have to call 911. In that case, you really should stop drinking). Don't get your phone back until you're hangover is gone, because you know you're still going to be drunk when you wake up.
Don't go there. When you do finally make it out of your mourning cocoon, don't go where ever he's going. Trust me, it's going to be hard at first to see him without you, especially if he dumped you for someone else. You can't just walk up and give him a kiss anymore. Hold his hand, touch him, dance with him, call him baby, talk to him the same way you used to back when you thought everything was going perfect. So, if you know that he's going somewhere, don't go there. Delete him from Foursquare(or let him delete you.) If you see him, politely say hi and go about your day. When liquor is involved and you see him dancing or talking to someone else, don't let your crazy girl voice inside come out. Leave and go somewhere else. Especially if you've decided to still be friends or if the break up was completely based on bad timing. If your crazy girl voice comes out, you may as well defriend him on facebook or forget about getting back with him when the timing is right. It might be hard leaving a place that you love, but the fun follows you, right?
Talk it out. When you tell your friends that you just got dumped, the first question out of their mouths are, "Oh no, what happened?" When it first happens, it might be hard to even say your ex's name let alone try and explain the hurtful words that were just delivered to you. It's okay. You don't have to be all smiles and giggles with your friends. They will understand if you can't talk to them right away. When the time is right and you're in the right mind, talk to them. Don't keep your hurt inside for you to take care of by yourself. Let it all out. Analyze it. Call your ex a douchebag. Call his new girl a skank. Just pour it all out to them. That's what friends are for.
Don't keep talking. So maybe you and the ex have decided to just be friends. Friends talk and hang out, right? Being friends with your ex is a really good thing, but right after the break up this can be totally hard. You're used to talking to him everyday, being in the habit of calling him on your way home from work. Or maybe you had a specific date night that was your day to spend together and grab dinner. Don't stick with this routine. You'll start to feel as nothing happened, like you're still with and committed to him. It gives you false hope. Hope that maybe he has changed his mind. That things can actually work themselves out. Face it, he dumped you for a reason. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have just woken up one day and thought, "hey, you know what? I think I might break up with my girlfriend today!" Either he wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling the same way, he isn't in the same place as you at this time, whatever the reason, there's still that reason of why he did it. Just having that break up conversation is nerve racking enough, why would he go through with it if he wasn't 100% sure? The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" is an amazing statement. If he's still there talking and hanging out with you, how the hell are you going to get him out of your head? You're not and this is just going to make things worse for you down the road.
Get the hell out of here. If you have the vacation days, or the time just to take a weekend getaway, then get the hell out of dodge, especially if your ex is still around. Round up the girls and take a road trip to AC. Plan a tropical vacation, or just go out in another city but your own. Do something different from the norm. You lost the one you loved(or saw yourself loving one day). That's kind of a tramatic experience. Take a break, get out, relax, and do something for you this time.
Friends. When you've dated someone for so long and have made the same group of friends along the way or you met your ex through mutual friends, it makes the break up that much harder. Your ex dumped you, your friends didn't and you can't just stop being friends with them but it's hard to hang out with your friends with your ex still lingering around. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If it's getting too hard for you to handle with him around, let them know. Like I said, time heals all, and maybe in the beginning it's hard to be around him and your friends, but if you take a time out, hang out with other friends while you're healing or go out with your friends when he's not around, it will give you the chance to have time to get back to your normal self.
Manbatical. Take a break from guys for a while. Do not rush into another relationship with someone else. Yeah, I know when it's on to the next one it gets your mind off of him, but don't do it until you are completely over your ex. If you move on before you're ready, you're faced with the risk of the relationship not working out because you compare everything about your new boy to your ex. If you're just trying to get back at your ex or make him jealous, you're getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons and that's not fair to this dude who may really have true feelings for you. And if you rush into something when you're not over your last guy and this new relationship doesn't end up working out, then you're just left with two broken hearts(which is not anatomically possible, unless you're some kind of freak. But for real, you're going to get hurt even worse). You've spent the last however long being a couple and thinking of that one person. It's time to focus on you. Eat whatever you want. Go see whatever movie you want. Do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to just do you and not have to worry about anyone else.
Hit the gym. So now that you're out of bed and done with throwing yourself pity parties, it's time to get some energy back in you. Working out gives you endorphines,right? Endorphines make you happy(God I sound like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, but you smell what I'm stepping in.) Working out makes you look good and feel even better. I know running helps get my thoughts in order and clears my head. Not a runner? Try yoga or pilates. Maybe a spinning class. Get your frustrations out with kickboxing. Hit up your local gym. Some hottie-bo-botties are always hanging around the gym. Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet, but it's nice to have some eye candy around. And maybe when you are ready to move on, one of those hotties will be just what you need in your life.
Memories. Hearing your song on the radio. Watching a television show you watched together. Going to a restaurant he loved. Seeing a friend of his. Smelling a riff of his cologne. Looking at a picture from the good times. After a break up, you're like a ticking time bomb with water works ready to come pouring out of you at any second. Nobody can take these feelings and memories away. Not nobody. Not no how. In the beginning stages of coping with a break up, try avoiding these things. These senses, whether it be sound, sight, smell or whatever will bring you right back to those memories of him. You're trying to get him off your mind, not take your mind right back to him. Walk a different way home so you don't pass that deli you guys used to eat at. Turn the station to the radio when your song comes on. Stop looking at his facebook. I know his profile is the first thing that comes up when you type that first letter in your search bar, but don't do it. Some things you just can't avoid, but avoid the avoidable until you're cured from him. And the things you loved doing or seeing that reminds you of him? Slowly ease back into those things. You'll notice walking by that deli and hearing that song is a lot easier to do after some time away.
You can pick up what I'm throwing down or just leave it there. Do what you want with it. I'm no psychologist or expert at this whole relationship thing, I'm just an aspiring wannabe writer who's almost 29 and still single, so what do I know? I have been there, done that, seen it, and heard it all. Don't blame me if my advice doesn't work for you, but I'll tell you this, I wish I would have picked up what I just put down.
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